Love in the dark

14

14.

Meredith was on her way to the hospital for her new round of chemo. She had just dropped Maddie off at Carolyn and Christopher's house. They had offered that one of them would come with Meredith but she refused

Meredith walked through the hallways, ignoring her surroundings and made her way over to oncology

"Morning Meredith." Bailey was waiting for her

"Hi Bailey." Meredith was tired, dark bags had started forming underneath her eyes and she was cold, that's why she wore a thick sweater

"Come with me, sweetie. We got a room ready for you. Give me your bag."

"I'm fine." Meredith stated and followed Bailey to the room, sitting down on the bed right away, her legs were aching

"I'll give you some time to get installed. Can you put the gown on? Feel free to wear a cardigan on top, we just need to access your port." Bailey explained

Meredith nodded and quickly got changed, she then emptied her colostomy bag in a hope she wouldn't have to worry about it much more before later today. She climbed underneath the blankets, still feeling cold as she waited for Bailey

"Okay sweetie, I'll hook you up to your round of chemo. Where's Sloan, I thought he'd be here." Bailey said and started to attach Meredith to the bags of chemo she had brought

"He's busy. He'll come after his surgery, meanwhile I can sleep a bit." Meredith muttered, placing her head down and trying to get comfortable but hospital beds are horrible

"Page me if you need me, okay? I'll ask the nurses to regularly check on you. You can do this." Bailey said softly

Meredith sighed and luckily drifted off pretty fast

But Derek was insanely worried. He decided to go check on her. He currently stood at the window, he watched her sleep but she looked nothing like the woman he once used to sleep with every single night. She was so pale, she looked so exhausted and he couldn't stand it. He wanted to rush inside and go help her but there was nothing he could do for her right now and even if he could.. he had signed away those rights by leaving her on her own, dealing with everything

"What the hell are you doing here?" Mark growled as he walked up to Meredith's room

"I just wanted to check on her, to be sure she's doing okay." Derek said, not looking away from Meredith

"You don't have to do anything, I'll be here for her." Mark stated

"Mark, I know I was an asshole and yes that's on me. But please.. I realized what I've missed.."

"You clearly didn't realize because only a week ago you were still rude to her, demanding that Mads would stay with you. I don't trust you, Derek!"

"I.. I don't know what's going on in my head. I love her so much that it makes me do these dumb, dumb things. I hoped I could replace her, I hoped she'd follow me." Derek sighed, some tears welling up. "I'm an idiot. I wish I could turn back time, I wish I had never caused them so much pain and sadness."

"But you did." Mark finished the conversation and entered Meredith's hospital room. He heard her whimpering softly as she must have been in discomfort. He placed another blanket on top of her and carefully stroke his hand over her head

Time went by and Mark watched as the chemo was slowly dripping into his best friend's veins. He had received a message from Maddie, asking how her mom was doing. He had responded that she was asleep and doing okay, which sort of was the truth. He didn't wanna mention her whimpering or the way she scrunched her nose, showing him she was in pain

"Mark?" Meredith groaned

"Hi, are you feeling okay?" Mark asked softly

"Just tired." Meredith whispered. "Can you check my phone, please?"

Mark grabbed her phone and held it in front of her.

She quickly decided to send her daughter a text and felt so tired afterwards that she dropped her phone on the mattress

"Need to call Richard.." She muttered

"Maybe you should do that later? You look very tired." Mark frowned as she started shivering

"They're doing a procedure on my mother.." Meredith admitted

"Why didn't you tell me?" Mark frowned

"Didn't wanna bother you." Meredith closed her eyes, feeling so extremely cold

"Mer, you could never. What are they doing?" Mark asked her softly

"They wanna place a pacemaker. Her heart is so weak." Meredith sighed

"I'm afraid that's not the best choice." Mark rubbed her head

"I think dad should try to let her go, she's suffering too much." Meredith said but winced and curled up

"Are you okay?" Mark stood up, worrying over her

"Stomach.. hurts.." She groaned

"Let me give you some extra meds." Mark kissed her head and quickly helped Meredith swallow some meds, not wanting to leave her room to get some other meds

Please leave some ideas, i kinda want it different from my other books but its getting harder to write unique stuff :p