Say what now... (chatfic)

~8~

*over the comms*

Iron Man: Alright, people, shapeshifters are loose in the tower. Step one: identify the real Avengers. Step two: stop this madness before Loki throws us into another nightmare.

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Captain America: Step one: punch anything that looks like me.

SpiderMan: WAIT! That's not a real plan, Cap!

Hawkeye: I dunno, Pete. Seems solid to me.

SpiderMan: YOU CAN'T JUST PUNCH EVERYONE!

Black Widow: Actually, that's a decent tactic. If they're real, they'll dodge.

SpiderMan: OH COME ON, GUYS, REALLY?

Loki: Oh, I do love a good round of "Who's Who?"

Thor: Then let the battle commence! I shall smite these impostors!

As Thor charges forward, chaos erupts. Shapeshifters scatter, taking on the forms of various Avengers, making it impossible to tell who's real and who's not.

SpiderMan: WHOA! OKAY, LET'S NOT GET SMITED!

Hawkeye: Thor's not messing around. Someone's getting smote today.

Captain America: Is that... me? Why is there another me?

suddenly doubles in chat too:

Fake Captain America: Oh, you're about to find out, punk.

SpiderMan: I KNEW THIS WOULD HAPPEN! LOKI, CALL OFF YOUR SHAPESHIFTER POSSE!

Loki: Oh, but where's the fun in that? You're so entertaining when you're panicked.

Thor: I SHALL SMITE YOU ALL! 

*throws Mjolnir at a fake Hawkeye, missing spectacularly*

Hawkeye: WHOA! Easy with the smiting, big guy!

*over the comms*

Iron Man: Okay, new plan: everyone split up. We need to isolate these shapeshifters before they start copying our tech. Last thing I need is a shapeshifter flying around in my suit.

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SpiderMan: WHY DO THEY ALL KEEP TARGETING ME?!

Loki: Perhaps they're drawn to your natural magnetism, Spider-Man. You do have a certain chaotic flair.

SpiderMan: LOKI, IF I SURVIVE THIS, I SWEAR I'M GOING TO WEB YOU TO THE STATUE OF LIBERTY!

Loki: Oh, I'd quite like to see you try.

Meanwhile, the shapeshifters are getting bolder, messing with the Avengers in more ridiculous ways. One of them shifts into Spider-Man, causing even more confusion.

Captain America: Uh... which one's the real Peter?

SpiderMan: IT'S ME! THE REAL ONE! DON'T PUNCH ME!

Fake SpiderMan: No, it's me! The friendly neighborhood Spider-Man!

Hawkeye: Ugh, great. Now there's two of you. I can barely handle one Spidey as it is.

Iron Man: Okay, okay, let's figure this out before someone gets webbed.

Black Widow: Simple solution. We tie up both and see who screams first.

SpiderMan: WAIT, WAIT! I HAVE A BETTER IDEA! pulls out phone Only the real me would have... embarrassing selfies from when I tried to make web-wings! 

*shows pic of himself with tangled webs everywhere.....and deletes it immeidiately after in the chat*

Hawkeye: Oh, that's... that's definitely the real Spider-Man.

Fake SpiderMan: I would never be caught dead in that mess.

Captain America:  Problem solved.

Loki: I must say, Spider-Man, that's a rather unflattering look. Perhaps you need a lesson in proper web-slinging.

SpiderMan: One more word, Loki, and I'm webbing your entire wardrobe shut.

Loki: Hmm, I suppose that could be fun.

Thor:  LOKI! CALL OFF THESE TRICKSTERS!

Loki: Oh, very well. They've had their fun. snaps fingers

In a blink, the shapeshifters stop causing havoc and vanish, leaving the Avengers standing in a tower that's still covered in glitter, whipped cream, and echoes of "Let It Go" from every room.

SpiderMan: I... I can't take this anymore. I'm going to lose my mind. Loki, please... just... stop.

Loki: I've already stopped. Everything's back to normal... well, as normal as it can be.

Iron Man: So... we're done? The prank war is officially over?

Loki: For now. But don't worry, dear Avengers. I'm sure we'll meet again under equally chaotic circumstances.

SpiderMan: NO. NO MORE CHAOS. I CAN'T HANDLE IT.

Black Widow: Don't worry, Peter. Chaos seems to follow you around anyway.

Hawkeye: Yeah, even without Loki, you manage to bring the crazy.

SpiderMan: I SWEAR, I AM NOT TO BLAME FOR ANY OF THIS!

Captain America: Peter on the shoulder It's okay, Peter. We believe you.

SpiderMan: No, you don't! You're all going to keep blaming me for everything, aren't you?

Iron Man: Pretty much, yeah.

Loki: Oh, Spider-Man, you truly are a delight. Until next time, then.

SpiderMan: Please... no next time.

Loki vanishes from the chat, leaving the Avengers to deal with the aftermath. Glitter, whipped cream, and the faint strains of "Let It Go" are all that's left in the wake of his mischief.

Iron Man: Well, I don't know about you guys, but I'm calling this a win. No one got seriously hurt, and the tower didn't completely explode. That's progress.

SpiderMan: I guess... But can we please NEVER do this again?

Captain America: Agreed. Let's avoid pranks and trickster gods for the foreseeable future.

Thor: Agreed. I tire of these childish games.

Black Widow: Someone still needs to clean up the glitter.

Hawkeye: Not it.

Iron Man: Peter's already wearing Cap's suit. He's halfway to being the team's janitor.

SpiderMan: WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ONE WHO HAS TO CLEAN UP?

Loki: Oh, it's your destiny, Spider-Man. You are forever tied to chaos.

SpiderMan:  LOKI, STOP HACKING THE CHAT!