Say what now... (chatfic)

~9~

Iron Man: Alright, glitter's contained, whipped cream is mostly wiped up, and Thor hasn't smashed the sound system—yet. I'd say this counts as a victory.

Captain America: We pulled through. Everyone's okay, and Loki's gone. It's over.

SpiderMan: Are we sure? I mean, this is Loki we're talking about. Isn't this the part where something explodes?

Hawkeye: Oh, come on, Pete. Let's not give the guy any ideas. I think we've all had enough explosions for one day.

Loki: Oh, I couldn't resist. Did someone say explosion?

SpiderMan: NO! NO ONE SAID THAT! PLEASE, LOKI!

Iron Man: You had to jinx it, didn't you, Pete?

Captain America: Loki, we're done. You promised the pranks were over.

Loki: Oh, but I never said when they'd be over, did I?

Thor: Loki, do not test me! I have Mjolnir ready.

Loki: Mjolnir can't stop what's already in motion, brother. After all, I had to leave you with something... memorable.

SpiderMan: WHAT DID YOU DO NOW?!

*Suddenly, a faint rumbling noise echoes throughout the tower.*

Iron Man: What was that?

Black Widow: Everyone stay alert. It could be another one of Loki's tricks.

SpiderMan: I KNEW IT! THERE'S ALWAYS ONE LAST PRANK!  What is it? Explosives? More shapeshifters? Are we going to be knee-deep in jelly next?!

Loki: Oh, nothing so mundane. I've simply activated... a special gift.

Captain America: Here we go. What is it this time, Loki?

Loki: Well, I thought, since Spider-Man's been such a delightful source of chaos, I'd let him experience a bit more... celebrity status.

*Out of nowhere, alarms begin blaring, and the windows of Avengers Tower flash with neon lights spelling out: "SPIDER-MAN APPRECIATION DAY!"*

SpiderMan: WAIT. WHAT? NO! SHUT IT DOWN! TURN IT OFF!

Iron Man:  Oh, this is amazing.

Hawkeye: Loki just made you the center of attention, Pete. Enjoy your big day!

SpiderMan: THIS ISN'T A GOOD THING! WHAT DOES THIS EVEN MEAN?!

Loki: Oh, it means there's a parade in your honor—in Times Square—with giant floats of your face, fireworks, and... thousands of adoring fans.

SpiderMan: NO, NO, NO! I'M NOT READY FOR THIS KIND OF ATTENTION! PEOPLE ARE GOING TO EXPECT ME TO DO... I DON'T KNOW, SOMETHING IMPRESSIVE!

Black Widow: Oh, it gets better. Look at the chat.

*The Avengers group chat suddenly fills with messages from various NYC news outlets, all reporting on the "Spider-Man Day Parade" happening live, complete with huge Spider-Man balloons, floats, and even a city-wide dance routine set to "Spider-Man" theme songs.*

SpiderMan: A DANCE ROUTINE?! LOKI, YOU SET UP A SPIDER-MAN DANCE ROUTINE?! I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO DANCE!

Loki: Oh, I'm sure you'll manage. The city seems to adore you now.

Iron Man: Look at this! They've got little kids dressed up as Spidey, doing web-slinging dances in the street!

Hawkeye: And the Spider-Man floats... oh man, you gotta see this.

*On the screen, massive Spider-Man balloons float above the streets of New York, and crowds of people are cheering for their favorite web-slinger. The whole city seems to be celebrating Spider-Man... except Spider-Man himself.*

SpiderMan: I... I can't believe this is happening. My life is officially over.

Thor: Peter on the back Fear not, young Spider. The people celebrate your deeds! It is an honor!

Captain America: You've earned it, Peter. You've done a lot for the city.

SpiderMan: I didn't ask for a whole parade! I just want a normal day. Is that too much to ask?

Loki: Oh, but this is the reward for being so wonderfully chaotic. Enjoy your fame, Spider-Man. The city loves you!

SpiderMan: I'd rather face another whipped cream cannon...

Black Widow: I think we can all agree—this is the most elaborate prank yet.

Hawkeye: And the funniest! C'mon, Pete. At least let us see the fireworks.

*As if on cue, the sky over the city lights up with fireworks shaped like Spider-Man's face, complete with webs and swinging poses. The grand finale spells out "THANK YOU, SPIDER-MAN" in glowing letters.*

SpiderMan: This... is too much.

Iron Man: Look on the bright side. You're basically the city's hero and its mascot now.

Loki: Ah, how delightful. I'll leave you to bask in your glory, Spider-Man. Until we meet again... 

SpiderMan: LOKI, I'M GONNA—I'm just gonna crawl into a hole now.

Captain America: Come on, Peter. Let's go see your parade in person.

SpiderMan: I hate everything.

*And so, Spider-Man reluctantly joins the Avengers as they head out to witness his unexpected city-wide celebration. Loki's final prank may have been the most elaborate of all, but in the end, Peter is left with the one thing he never wanted—spotlight, fame, and endless glitter.*

Hawkeye: So, Spidey... when's the next parade?

SpiderMan: PLEASE, NO.