𝐭𝐢𝐝𝐚𝐥 𝐰𝐚𝐯𝐞𝐬

AM I?

TRIGGER WARNING: SMUT, MENTION OF DEATH, CHEATING, DEGRADING, DRUG ABUSE, SA

JESS POV:

 After Eren fell asleep I couldn't help but think about what had happed in the last day and a half, not only did I fuck Eren, I fucked him while Jean was waiting for me, and he ended up hearing us fuck over the phone.

But hey he was the one that said that shit with Mikasa, and damn here I was, thinking that his horse-looking ass could be trusted. I shouldn't have 'reconciled' with him. But, it did end with me getting the best dick of my life.

I turned to the side to face the sleeping man, my head resting on his bicep, my dark eyes scanning over his features. I never thought a man could be beautiful, but he proved me wrong. His long dark eyelashes brushed up against his tan cheeks, his straight nose, and his lips, the small 5 o'clock shadow on his chin. God, he was so pretty it hurt.

When I first met him I thought he was hot, and he is hot, but seeing him asleep with me in his arms made me look at him like he was some sort of art piece, as if he was sculpted by the gods and brought down to earth.

I brought my hand up to his chest and ran the tips of my manicured fingers down his chest then down to his abdomen stopping at the trail of dark brown hair that led from his belly button down to his pelvis. I remove my hand and rested it on his chest as I snuggled up to him losing myself in thought.

There was a gnawing voice in the back of my mind, it was familiar... It was the voice of my 'mother'. I couldn't stop the thoughts that filled my head, was I enough?

Sure I was pretty I knew that, and my body was okay but was I enough for such a man? I have met so many of the girls in our friend group and behind my cocky façade I always without thinking compared myself to them. Shit, I even compared myself to that highlighter haired chick- Ruby I think her name was.

I mean can you really blame? I know he's slept with Mikasa and Historia and those girls are completely different than me, I just seem out of place. At least in my eyes.

Like, Mikasa is pale tall a muscle mommy, while Historia is a petite blue eyes blondie, and here I am tan, tall and curvy. It confuses me how me chose me out of the array of different women he's slept with.

Not to mention he slept with my ex-bestfriend Melissa. Fuck can't he keep it in his pants? But, I can't really blame him for turning to sex. I turned to drugs and alcohol and an abusive boyfriend after my dad died. God, I remember the parties, the cocaine and whatever pills I took.

All those parties felt like a fever dream considering I spent most of the time slumped on a couch high as shit not even knowing my name until Mark would take me upstairs and use me. The fucked up thing was that I didn't even remember what Mark did to me.

I was that out of it.

Then he would drop me off at me mother's house where I will forever be labeled the disappointment. All those late night arguments with her and Freya, on how I was nothing but a coke whore, a slut, as if I wasn't her daughter and supposed to be Freya's older sister.

My mother never grieved my father, quite the opposite actually she wanted him to die so she could take the company and his money and live it up with her side piece. I still remember her face when the lawyer said that I would get everything, and she wouldn't get a dime. She got on her knees and begged me like the pathetic whore she was for money.

I was only 15 I didn't fully know why my dad killed himself and cut her out of his will, but now I understand. My mother only married him and had me to assure herself that when he died she would become a millionaire. She never loved him, but he adored her, she had an affair for most of their marriage, he never once looked at another woman.