LOVE, LOSS, LEYSIN LOOKING

UP, UP AND AWAY Chapter 5

It had been a long and difficult night for both. The temptation to give into their feelings, their desires and abandon all pretence of separation for those hours and enjoy the pleasure of one another again was so strong they could almost taste it, feel it. Despite their overwhelming wishes, desires they had both managed with great difficulty to remain in their respective rooms. It had not been an easy night, both had trouble finding sleep, the other half of their soul was within reach, just steps away and yet agonisingly out of reach. After much fretful tossing and turning each had managed to sleep and woke the following morning regretting the choice they had made the previous night. Bjorn rose first he couldn't stand being in that bed any longer, he stepped into a warm shower and as the water poured over him he replayed the previous night and his decision in his mind. Mentally he was kicking himself, chastising his own lack of courage "Ulvaeus you are a gutless coward! If you can't go to her when she's here, almost waiting for you then you don't deserve her! Grow a set for goodness sake! And if you get a chance to act in Leysin you're damn well taking it!" he gave himself this severe talking to, knowing that if anyone, namely Agnetha happened to be within earshot the running water would cover his personal lecture! Towelled off and clad in jeans, he sat bare chested in the warmth of the centrally heated bedroom and dried his hair, thinking hard about just how to be when he saw Agnetha. Should he tell her of the moments that he'd considered walking into her room and carrying her back to their bed? That he regretted not doing so? Or should he act normally, as though nothing untoward had occurred? As his hair dried and he finished dressing and combed his hair he made a choice "Best say nothing. For now at least. Don't go making her feel pressure from you, uncomfortable. You're already a stupid prat, don't make it worse!" As he made his way downstairs to prepare breakfast, across the hallway the subject of his thoughts and personal self criticism was lying in bed, awake after a tough night. Having spent some time silently crying over her choice to not go to their bedroom, their marital bed, she'd cried herself to sleep. Her own fears of losing Bjorn forever intensified in those dark silent hours alone in a strange bed. As she lay awake now, having finally managed sleep, regrets bombarded her, tormenting her with mental images of Bjorn lying alone in their bed, just waiting to be loved by her, almost as though it was meant to be. It had been a terribly difficult choice to turn away from the chance of a night with the very love of her life and as she rose, washed and dressed before combing her very long hair, she thought, as had Bjorn about just how to be around him this morning. Sitting on the edge of her unmade bed she pondered to herself "I really want to tell him, really I do. Just spit it out, lay my cards on the table. But, what if he doesn't care? Doesn't want me anymore? Let's face it, if he did he could have come to this room. No, girl you get a grip! As far as he'll ever know you slept like a baby. Even though what you did was cry like a baby!" For a moment she remained seated and then rose and made hr way downstairs, pushing a smile onto her face. She stepped into that oh so familiar kitchen diner and there at the work top was her Bjorn, whistling gently to himself as he prepared breakfast. Her heart pounded, it was just like old times, all she wanted to do now was to go over and kiss him as she always would have done, she could almost taste his lips. He turned as he heard her footsteps "Ahh! Good morning angel! Sleep well?" bright, breezy and as charming as always Bjorn smiled and Agnetha felt a natural smile appear on her face. She looked at him, his eyes then quickly averted her gaze to prevent being lost in them "Oh yes! Beautifully thank you" she lied through her teeth, hands in her pockets bunched into fists as she tried to hang on. Smiling, Bjorn nodded "Oh that's good. I slept like a log myself! Thought for a moment earlier I'd overslept!" he lied too, purposely, he winked at her, a habit he'd long established. Privately though he was studying her closely, observing her body language and for once, not in a sexual way. He knew her so well, her every expression, mannerism, movement. He sensed, perhaps detected something was a little amiss, a little off and in his mind he began to wonder what she may be hiding from him. Had she been tempted like he was? Agnetha meanwhile was likewise paying very close attention to her Bjorn. He was so cheerful, happy, almost too much. She'd known him now for almost a decade and she could always tell when he was hiding something, she may not always know exactly what but she could always tell. Usually over the years her theories had proven correct when he'd surprised her in some delightful ways and now, she pondered privately what he wasn't telling her. Had he wanted what she did? For now both kept a private counsel, deciding to wait, to see what they could pick up. As they ate breakfast, small talk filled the air, light conversation, nothing to stir feelings. That is until Bjorn quite deliberately made mention of their former life "This feels so right! It's just like old times, how things should be. Us, here, together sharing breakfast before fetching the little ones" he watched closely and as she looked down at her plate and then away for a moment, he noticed a flush on her cheeks, she was blushing, a sign that she was thinking along similar lines and he felt extremely pleased by this reaction and made a mental note to say such things again in the coming days. Agnetha tried to suppress her blushes, failing to do so, so having turned her gaze from him, she looked back over to him "You incorrigible flirt! You can't behave can you? You little rotter!" she'd made a deliberate attempt at humour hoping to distract him and herself. He laughed, a sight she never tired of, a smile on that handsome face "Me? Flirt? Don't know what you mean!" he laughed again, as did she, she was insanely happy that she could make him smile still and again she wondered if there was something he was keeping from her. Linda and Christian eventually joined for breakfast, having washed, dressed and for those moments they were naturally the main focus, but for the adults in the room certain tantalising questions remained, enhanced as they together made the children's beds. Finally the time came to head to the airport, where they would meet up with Benny and Frida and head off to Switzerland. For Agnetha in particular this was a bittersweet moment, it was lovely to be heading off together and yet, this meant leaving her one time, much loved home, knowing that when they came home she'd be back alone, a few minutes away. Bjorn noticed her taking a longing look at the various rooms and watched without saying a word, he could see what was going through her mind, could read her body language and for a moment he allowed himself to smile. he wasn't happy to see her tormented by this place, far from it, his heart ached for her and yet all the signs were indicating that she wanted to be here and this is what made him happy. As she emerged into the hallway she found him leaning against the stair post, arms folded, a smirk on his face "And what may I ask are you finding so amusing?" she asked this playfully, with a smile, so as not to be misunderstood. His smirk widened to a smile "Well I was just wondering whether madam would like me to ask the owner if she can come and visit again. He's very accommodating, especially to very attractive blondes!" she laughed, genuinely and shook her head "Pervert!" his laugh was a happy one, she could always make him laugh with a quick, cheeky one liner "I would be. If I got a chance! But.. I didn't get time to drill a peep hole in the wall of your room!" Laughter filled the air, a warm and natural laughter they so often shared. he offered her his arm "Would madame care to take the arm of your humble servant and permit me to escort her to the garage? There we can place her lovely bottom on the passenger seat! Pity 'cause that means I won't get a look!" Agnetha both laughed blushed, he was a natural born flirt! "Certainly Ulvaeus! You may indeed take my arm and escort me. And for making naughty remarks about madame's..seating department, you can buy her coffee at the airport!" The drive to the airport was a happy one as they played I spy with Linda and Christian, who proceed to fart out loud, leaving the window needing to be wound down to clear the air! Arriving at the terminal and checking in they found Benny and Frida waiting for them, along with Gorel. Greetings were exchanged and Frida in typically mischievous fashion decided to tease her best friend "Hmm, looking at you, the smile and how happy you are, I'd suggest a good night was had by all! So what did you get up to? Did you make the bed? Or was it any port in a storm?!" Agnetha could not help but giggle, her friend was a cheeky, slightly risque mischief maker! "Wouldn't you like to know!!" she laughed and then shook her head at her friend. Frida smiled in glee, they always had such fun "Seriously, how did it go? Was everything okay?" she'd lowered her voice for privacy, Agnetha checked both shoulders, making sure Bjorn was out of earshot "It was lovely, really lovely. It felt right, like being home again. Except for one thing. Swear you won't tell Benny?" Frida raised her eyebrows "I swear!" Agnetha took a breath "There was a moment, when I went to bed that I decided that I wanted to be with him! I got out of bed, even went to the hallway, all set to go to our room our bed. But I stooped myself and now I wish I hadn't!" Frida closed her eyes for a brief moment then hugged her closest friend "Oh sweetheart. I can only imagine how hard that was. How close did you get? At his door?" Agnetha shook her head "Not quite, just outside my bedroom door. But God, I so wanted to and so wish I had. And to make it worse, I have a feeling that he was thinking the same thing. He was so cheerful this morning at breakfast, too cheerful even for him. You know I can always tell if he's hiding something. Well I am 100% sure he's doing it now, I can feel it" Bjorn and Benny had been chatting quietly but now joined the girls, Bjorn had a smirk on is face "Not talking about anything naughty are we? I know you two and your dirty minds!" Playfully Agnetha gave him a gentle shove "No we are not thank you! And it's you who's got the dirty mind! Peep holes, ring a bell?" They laughed, so comfortable together, Benny winked to Frida, he was happy to see them together like this, he knew how much pain his best friend had suffered since their separation. The sat for what seemed an age waiting to board their flight, finally an announcement came and they moved to the gate. Agnetha became tense her fear of flying really kicking in now. She felt a hand take hers and there beside her was Bjorn, as ever there when she needed him "Don't worry, I'm here, you just lean on me" she smiled broadly, he was so gentle and kind "I'll take you up on that offer. Thanks Bjorn, I mean it, really I do" he winked "Well who better to do it for than you hmm?" They had no idea just how much she'd need to lean on him in the coming moments....