I Don't Belong To You

Chapter 8

"Well that was fuuuuun," Becky says as she weaves through New York traffic.

She waits a few minutes, occasionally looking over at Freen, then gives up.

This is the third time her statements have gone without response.

"You okay Fre?"

Freen finally looks over at the sound of her name and squints.

"Hmm?"

Becky takes her eyes off the road for a quick moment, "I asked if you were okay."

Freen feels a hand on her leg, stroking gently and she tentatively picks it up and laces their fingers together.

"Can I ask you something?" Her voice is quiet, barely loud enough to overcome the sound of the radio.

"Uh, sure?"

She inhales and exhales deeply twice before speaking.

"Why do you let people think we're dating when you know it's not true?"

"Uh...because it's easier than explaining we just fuck twice a week?"

Becky laughs a little but Freen doesn't. She just turns back to the window, but keeps their hands intertwined, not quite willing to let go.

"Well...you're very good at pretending."

"Pretending what?"

"I don't know...pretending to like my friends? Pretending to play the happy couple?"

But Becky shakes her head adamantly. "But I don't pretend! I do really like your friends, even Nam is growing on me. And I mean, I don't pretend so much as I... just play the part. I can only imagine what we look like cuddled up on a couch together. We look like the other couples in the room so it doesn't surprise or upset me when people mistake us for a couple. It's cool with me because we both know what this is so I don't care what other people think, you know?"

Freen ponders that for a few minutes before nodding in what seems like agreement.

She just doesn't get it. If Becky is so capable of acting like a couple, why can't they just do that more permanently?

"Well you play the doting girlfriend very well..."

"Mmm..." She can tell the lack of response is on purpose but she refuses to let it stand.

"It makes me wonder why you don't believe in dating."

Becky smiles a bit. "Not believing in monogamy doesn't mean I don't believe in dating. I do. And I have dated before."

"You just don't believe in marriage?"

"More or less. For starters, I believe the institution of marriage is a fucking joke. I mean, half of all marriages end in divorce for fucks sake. And I don't even think that it's meant for us as humans to spend our time on earth with just one person. I think that people are constantly evolving and wanting different things and you shouldn't feel tied down to someone who isn't compatible with you in a given stage of your life."

Freen can't help but turn towards her as she speaks. She doesn't think Becky has every spoken so much to her at once and certainly never anything this deep. If she's being perfectly honest, she didn't even know Becky was capable of thinking and articulating on this level.

The car is silent for a few minutes until they get to Freen's street.

"Still want me to come up?" Becky asks quietly.

"Why wouldn't you? Or..do you not want to?"

She shakes her head quickly. "No, of course I do. I just...I don't know, you seemed mad, I guess?"