Short Stories Written by Tellie

Remember What's Forgotten to Remember

(Trigger Warning: Self-harm)

After the counseling session with my patient, I went home late at night. I'm so exhausted that I didn't eat supper. I went straight to the bedroom, changed my clothes into a nightgown, turned on the dim light and immediately flopped onto the comfortably soft mattress... Letting myself give in to slumber as I felt the gentle warmth enveloping my skin.

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Plain white color is the only thing that surrounds this place. I can't even see and touch my own body. Nothing else is visible except white. It's like I'm here as a spectator.

I saw a tainted color: mixed white, black and gray colors with slow moving swirls, not too far away.

I saw an adolescent wearing a loose gown filled with those mixed colors. Based on the body figure I can identify it's a female. She has shoulder length hair, sitting on the white surface, hugging her knees, bowing her head, and her back is facing towards me.

She's mumbling, chanting something and gradually it becomes louder and louder and there goes her painful scream.

She began to hit her head violently, "AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! STOOOOP!!" And then scratched her head and pulled her hair forcefully.

I began to hear sobbing sounds. Weird... It isn't a loud cry but rather a soft and silent cry. For some reason, I felt her torment. 

"Hello?" My voice echoed throughout the empty white space.

The young lady seemed to hear me, became silent for about 3 seconds and then her body trembled like an earthquake.

"HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! Ohh, shit! Am I that desperate to hallucinate?!"

It took a while after she recovered from laughing so badly. 

I sighed deeply. 

My head hurts because of her unpredictability but I don't feel like I have a head right now. I'm afraid to believe my guess that this time; I'm an abstract being. Not a God but an abstract being.

"Can you tell me why you are here?"

"Isn't it me who's supposed to say that??"

I went silent for a minute.

"Well, can I atleast try to stay beside you just to ease your pain somehow? Will you tell me your concerns?"

"I'd rather show my concern then, just because I trust you only because you're the product of my hallucination," She said gently and calmly. That made me think that if I hadn't seen how she acted earlier she could have passed as a rational person.

"I swear!! It's not self-harm. It's just I feel so numb in the chaos I'm dealing with, so I marked myself to always remember."

Unexpectedly, she yanked her tainted gown downwards to show her right shoulder. She moved her body a bit to show me something. There are etched letters in the wound, slightly bleeding. 

Written in all capital letters: VIVIRÉ 

She turned her head facing me and gave the warmest smile.

"Keep li—"

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I suddenly sprung up on my bed. Rapidly breathing with loud and racing heart palpitations, sweating heavily. This uncanny déjà vu I felt made me anxious and confused.

I looked at my right shoulder.

"It's my—”