Bound By Lies - Rafe Cameron

Chapter 54

I lie there, my body still trembling in the aftermath, my mind slowly returning to reality. Shame and guilt crash into me like a tidal wave, drowning out any lingering pleasure. What have I done?

Rafe's breathing is heavy, his forehead still pressed against mine. He doesn't move, just holds me close as if he's afraid I'll disappear. His hands, now gentle and hesitant, smooth over my hair, down my arms, as if trying to soothe me.

"We shouldn't have done that," I finally say, the words barely more than a broken whisper. I turn my face away, shame burning hot on my cheeks. "This was a mistake."

Rafe flinches like I've slapped him, his fingers tightening briefly on my waist before they drop away. He sits up slowly, watching me with an intensity that makes my heart clench painfully.

"I know you missed me too," he murmurs, his voice low and almost resigned. There's no anger there, just a sad acceptance that twists something deep inside me. "I know you want me."

I swallow hard, hating how true his words are. But I can't let him have this power over me anymore. I can't let myself forget what he's done.

"Of course I miss you," I snap, the bitterness sharp in my tone as I finally turn my gaze to meet his. He's so close, his face inches from mine, eyes searching mine desperately. "Is that what you want to hear? I miss you every second of every day, Rafe. I miss the way things were. I miss the way you made me feel. But I can't—" my voice cracks, and I clench my jaw, fighting back the tears that burn behind my eyes, "I can't fucking forget what you did. I can't forgive you."

The words hang heavy in the air, and I see the flash of pain in his eyes before he quickly looks away, his jaw tight, muscles tense. For a second, he's silent, staring at the floor like he's searching for something—anything—to say.

"I know," he finally breathes, his voice so low I almost miss it. He runs a hand through his hair, frustration and regret etched into every line of his face. "I know I fucked up. I know I can't make you forget. But... but I love you, Teresa. I love you so fucking much that it hurts."

"Don't," I whisper, shaking my head. I don't want to hear this. I don't want to hear how much he loves me, how sorry he is. Because no matter how much I want to believe him, no matter how much I want things to go back to the way they were... I can't. I won't.

"I can't just pretend everything's okay, Rafe," I say, my voice wavering. "I can't look at you without remembering what you did. Every time I close my eyes, I see it. I see her. I see—" My breath hitches, and I choke on the sob threatening to spill out. "You killed her, Rafe. You killed her."

"I know," he whispers again, his voice breaking. "I know, baby... I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry. But I—" 

"No," I cut him off, shaking my head fiercely. "Don't apologize. Don't... don't try to make this better. It's not better. It'll never be better."

He stares at me, his eyes wide and pained, his lips parting like he wants to say something—like he's desperate to make me understand. But what is there to understand? He killed my aunt. He lied to me. And now... now we're here, tangled up in a mess of emotions I can't even begin to unravel.

"Please..." he whispers, his voice breaking on the word. "Please, Teresa... I just— I need you. I need you to stay. I'll do anything. Therapy, rehab, anything. I'll prove it to you. Just... just don't leave me. Please."

My heart aches, and I hate him for making me feel like this. I hate him for being so fucking broken and for dragging me down with him. I want to scream, to rage, to cry, but instead, I just stare at him, every word I want to say caught in my throat.