8-1-0-9

Chpt. 10

Not me taking the ever-living longest to update, but school's back in and combining that with early mornings and filled evenings of chores is not fun. BUT! I'm getting there. Enjoy this one!

🐈❤️

The city passed by in a slow haze, the cop car driving lazily through the streets and making a turn every five minutes until we were out of the dense neighborhood. The two men were chatting quietly amongst themselves in the front seats, while I stared holes into the back of Bucky's head. He knew right well that I was next to him, undoubtably able to tell I was mentally shaking him by the shoulders to knock some sense into him. Court-mandated therapy. Presidential pardon. What the hell was that all about?

As if able to read my thoughts, the man I was internally strangling turned his head, focusing grey-blue irises through me and at the window. His gaze darted around, seemingly trying to center itself to someplace that my head was. Deciding to test a theory, I shifted where I was dispensing my energy from around me to form a box around the two of us, granting Bucky sight of me and hiding from the cops as well. It was taking everything in me to keep up the barrier, testing if I made the air wall thick enough to avoid inside sound from getting out by snapping my fingers. When the two men didn't turn their heads after the third snap, I faced the man beside me with a stern look.

     "You want answers," he muttered, the sound gruff in his low monotone.

I nodded curtly. "Court-mandated therapy?"

Bucky's blues drifted out his window with a heavy breath leaving his nose. "What do you know about the Avengers?" He asked quietly when his focus returned to me, a somber air resonating in his voice. "Specifically at the time of the Blip."

My brow raised in a skeptical manner. "Are you avoiding my question, Soldat?"

     "I am not, Gale, and don't call me that. Please," he sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose between his eyes. "It's important so you can understand my answer to your question."

A sharp huff escaped my nose as my features twisted into a pout similar to one you'd see on a child. My brow pinched together as I pondered his question. I didn't know much, and now I wasn't sure if the information I was fed was tainted or not. "I know that they managed to bring everybody back," I began once I decided I could handle being corrected and not get even more pissed at the other Flag Smashers for bullshitting me. "And that there was a somewhat world-wide mourning for two of the original Avengers. I've figured now that the original Steve Rogers, Captain America snazzy-pants was replaced by bobblehead-gimpy and his maid of honor." I paused and dared a split-second grin when he chuckled under his breath, hearing some melancholy in the way it came out as a sort of sigh. "Uhm... I guess now they've disbanded completely," I continued, staring down at my hands and frowning when they trembled with the efforts of my mental strength. I could feel the tremors all the way into my shoulders like they were begging me to release the hold on my powers.

     "Well," Bucky murmured when I quit talking for a minute. "King T'Challa of Wakanda got me a pardon with the government, explaining how Hydra had used me via brainwashing and manipulation for their bidding. And don't you dare speak up, Gale, because hell did I think I didn't deserve a sliver of forgiveness," he quickly spat out when I was ready to argue that he was not the only one that was forced to kill and sabotage. "For a while, I moped around with my 'freedom', trying to convince my brain that I was deserving of a pardon with everything that had happened to me, as well as my history as a sergeant for World War Two. Believe me, Gale, I hated every minute not knowing if you were even alive, safe somewhere, not having to worry about watching your back, or if you were being held again by some force and couldn't fight your way out." The Soldier paused to sigh, running his gloved hands over his thighs as he puffed out a breath through his cheeks.

I stayed silent, letting each and every word sink in to the best of my abilities. I don't think I could ever admit what he said out loud, knowing that the years at the Raft and during the Snap were filled of thoughts wondering if he was still breathing, still within the crumbling society. For the longest time, my brain tried to tell me he was really dead, it's tiny voice overpowering some sort of feeling that perhaps maybe, just maybe, he was alive. Though, it was easier to assume that my partner in involuntary crime was killed rather than roaming around.

I didn't notice the silent minutes go by until the man cleared his throat, a soft sigh following shortly after. "As a condition of my pardon, I have to do therapy because I'm a war veteran," he grumbled, frowning as he spoke in monotone again and shoved a hand through his hair. Both hands had to lift up with the handcuffs binding his wrists, and I internally scowled at them. "It's an hour-long session each week. I forgot about this one. It slipped my mind once I found out about everything with the Flag Smashers, and then you showed up, and..." His usually dark eyes had a pale melancholy shine to them, hinting at the devastation he previously mentioned about my well-being.

And everything is my fault, my brain whispered unintentionally after his gruff voice trailed off, and I wanted to smack myself upside the head. The rational parts of my mind knew that not the entirety of his issues were because of me, but I couldn't help the onslaught of what-ifs that overtook my thoughts. What if I had stopped Karli earlier? What if I hadn't agreed to their motives, to their strategies?

What if I made them leave me in the Raft?

What if I never left Hydra?

The constant background buzzing from the strain of my powers was stirring up a headache at the base of my neck and began pounding against my forehead, swirling a toxic cocktail of self-deprecation, self-doubt and a whole lot of I should leave when I have the chance.

     "We'll figure this out, Gale," he spoke softly, his blues taking on a gentle aura as they roved over where he assumed my own hazels were. Once or twice, his gaze landed directly on mine, but yet again with that distant look as he was only seeing through the window when I had to force my energy around myself only. Encasing us both was taking a toll on me, having not used my abilities like this for so long. "We'll fix this mess we found ourselves in." His tone had dropped once more, so that I could just hear him over the hum of the engine.

I wanted to scoff, to roll my eyes and tell him that I helped cause this chaos, that he was the one who got caught. I wanted someone else to blame, to shift my anger that I was still feeling, but the only place that could handle my malice was the stupid woman who agreed to fight alongside Karli as she helped those who survived the Snap get back on their feet. I had to physically tell myself to unclench my hands, realizing I was getting worked up again and could feel small gusts of cool air slip past my warm bubble as my focus deterred.

The vehicle finally came to a slow, and I glanced up out the window. A police station was in full view, cops bustling about in a calm manner from the lack of excitement in the city. I felt a shift in my barrier that was accompanied by a soft rustling of fabric as a hand gently touched my arm. Well, he touched my elbow before he was able to feel my bicep and gently gripped it in his left hand, his right hand close by because of the cuffs. Bucky's gaze was a little more centered on my face, giving my arm a soft squeeze before letting go.

     "Don't follow too closely," he murmured as the cops stepped out of the vehicle. "Just wait in the lobby."

I rolled my eyes, having to follow extremely close for the next five seconds so I wouldn't be left in the car, slipping out past the Soldier and the officers. I stayed as near as possible as they went through the front doors, being sure to avoid any potential touches of the other civilians that littered the lobby of the police station. I immediately began searching for someplace I could hide, to let my powers drop so I could get rid of the invisible weight that was beginning to crush me. And, just to my luck, a female officer had just pushed her way into a ladies bathroom, and I hurried after her before the door could shut. I was even more thankful for the interior layout, the small room filled with a row of five stalls and two sinks with mirrors. My footsteps were quiet against the tile, and once I silently locked myself in a stall, I let my grip on my abilities relax. The tension left the back of my neck in an instant, and I had to bite back a sigh at the sensation. It felt as if an elephant had stepped off my shoulders, allowing me to breathe a little easier and think a bit clearer. I checked the pockets of my coat, feeling a soft buzz when my fingers brushed against the cool metal of my bracelets.

It was going to be a long while before this whole shitshow was sorted out.