on where her heart and mind confide

prose

"It fear me, the reason why I run away."

People think I am such an introvert but actually, I am just a distant person. The moment I realize where the place I am into, I lost the light of hope of getting out. My parents cage the child who wants to run away and play free, on their yard. My feet are on shackle that can be able to roam around the house - that never been my home. It is my prison and I am the prisoner of my own path. I wasn't dreaming for this or wish to be born, the eldest daughter they made to see the world. The first daughter that grow with them and getting older. At the young age, they taught me how life is not the living. I am taught to prioritize others before myself, to care and love other, to be honest, to be good, to be obedient, to be respectful; beliefs and traditions.

I am this good girl on everyone eyes and mind.

I am this and NEVER ME!

I am a dreamer! I wanted to go far away and see the world. I want to create my own path.
I need to also love and prioritize myself, that was never been taught. I should have give myself; love, care, respect, kindness, goodness, and everything I deserved!
I wanted to live not to always survive!

Yet,
it fear me.

I was not taught to be courageous and risky.

I am cautious about people judgement or criticisms. It fear me to peel my own skin and sometimes left my skeletons on my cabinet.

I am still a prisoner, a clown, a masked girl. I still hide and run away - to go nowhere. Thus, isolation is my comfort. Being distant, helped me to reflect and known myself deeper. I may not taught everything that I have learned by myself. Yet, it helped me to discover myself and grow.

My shattered heart, skin wounds and body scar's, perhaps are fresh and may take for long to to be healed. Yet, these makes me who am I; vulnerable yet brave.

"I may always run away from everyone and everything but I always get back; tough and braver, with many scars and many wounds."