The Vacation

That...bitch!

By the time they had talked of Megan and everything else Sam could talk of to de-tox his system, they had reached Moku Ola where practically all you could see was happy families: mommies and daddies smiling, kids making sand castles and teenagers kissing.

"This is a nice place", Sam said, looking around.

"Yeah. Congratulations on finally reaching Happyville!"

"Whoa! I didn't know you could do sarcasm!...yeah! You are right, this place is too happy."

"Maybe it will rub off on us."

"Now you are talking like yourself again."

She smiled and said, "I can almost picture Derek, me, Angel and Shania when they were about three or four here. It would have been a perfect family vacation. I am so sending Angel, Mike and Neel, that's her husband and son, here for their next holiday."

"What about your younger daughter? You wouldn't ask her to come here?"

"Shania's not much of a travel person. Her family trips start on Friday evenings and end on Sunday evenings."

"My dad was like that. He's been away from home for two weeks at the most. And that was when he had gone for work with his other colleagues."

"Really? Then what does your family do on long holidays?"

"Well, we used to go to camps, my sister and I. Now my sister has her own family and Mom usually stays alone on vacations unless we go visit her, which I do very rarely because I am almost always away...at least I used to be away because Megan and I used to go for vacations, her parents' money of course, considering we were in college."

"What about your father? Your travel bug hasn't bitten him yet?"

"Umm...my father passed away, almost ten years ago. Well, eleven this fall."

"Oh! I am sorry... I didn't mean to..."

"I know you didn't. It's okay. Unless I am in trouble and want guy advice, I don't miss him all that much. I used to but I got the hang of it eventually."

"I wish I knew what you mean. Maybe later I will, but right now I really don't."

Quietly they walked side by side along the water, cutting through picnickers here and there. They walked a long way when they reached a green field where they settled down on the grass. Looking around her, she felt nostalgia stealing over her, the kind that she was recently pretty familiar with. When she counted on her fingers, she realized that it had been twenty-one days since Derek died. She wanted to ask Sam how many days it took him to feel alright after his father died but she couldn't trust herself to ask that question in a steady voice so she didn't. She also didn't know whether she wanted to feel alright after this when she went back home. She pictured her life at home now.

She would be alone in their bed for the first time in forty years and now suddenly the bed seemed too big in her mind's eye. There would be no brief bad breath kiss first thing in the morning. There would be no tea in bed. She would have to go to morning walks alone from now on. No one would point toward her anymore and say, "What a lucky couple...getting to be old together" because she wasn't getting to be old together anymore. No one would ever celebrate Derek's birthday or their anniversary anymore. There would be no more of their traditional dance to Talking Head's "This Must Be The Place" every Sunday evening. Maybe she would quit eating turnips now. It was made in the house only because Derek ate it. No one would also force her to try cheesecake anymore. The thought almost made her happy, though in a sad way. She was always short-tempered when Derek wasn't around; she really hoped she wouldn't be in the future.