Defiance

3. screaming

Otis Langston

Today was better than everyday. There was not that much work. I waited for Rome outside but he was a bit late today. What could've happened?

As his car approaches I see Hazel in the backseat waving towards me. My head feels dizzy. I must be hallucinating. I clearly told him never to...oh my god.
  I open the door quickly and drag her out of the car. I check for any bruises. Maybe something happened at school. She was fine. Rome gets out of the car and rushes beside me.

"Hey hey, what's wrong? Did something happen?" He asks innocently. I push him away harshly as I glare daggers into his stupid face.

"What were you thinking huh? It was the one and only rule that I have given you. A rule that you should never BREAK! AND WHAT WERE YOU DOING WITH MY DAUGHTER IN YOUR CAR?!" I scream into his face.

Hazel walks back scared. I grab her arm softly and walk away, I book a cab and give him the address to Katie's daycare. Rome was standing there slightly shaking. I was too furious for this.

"Dad what's wrong?" Hazel asks.

"Nothing. Why did he pick you up before me?"

I try to calm myself. Maybe it was an emergency. Probably. But still. Breathe in and out.

"My school said we could leave early today so I called him and he came to pick me up" she explains.

So it was not an emergency too.

"Why didn't you call me?" I question.

"Because it's Rome who picks me up obviously" she says with attitude.

Fuck. Calm down Otis. We don't talk anymore. I pick up Katie and we go home in silence.
  Rome was there in the kitchen sitting with his head down and my mom tried to ask what happened.

"Oh thank God, you guys are home. What happened? Where did you go?" Mom is worried.

I watch Rome as he picks on his skin with his nails as he continues to watch the ground.

"Why don't you ask your wonderful neighbour whom you gave this job to when I clearly told you he wasn't to be trusted!"

"Hazel, go to your room. Otis calm down!" Mom warns.

"Calm down?!! Do you know what he did??"

"He picked up Hazel before you, I know. I was there when she called" she says as if it doesn't bother her. Now I was raging.

"You knew. Yet you let him go?" I ask calmly.

"Yes what happened?"

"What happened?!! One rule mother one rule! Is it so hard to follow?? Look at him trying to play the victim!! I told you NEVER TO PICK MY KIDS BEFORE ME!! YOU WERE NOT ALLOWED TO BE WITH THEM ALONE!!" I scream into his face as he flinches.

"I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking....it's just that she called and-"

"I KNOW WHAT HAPPENED. Stop trying to repeat the same thing"

"I'm sorry, I will never do t-this ever again. I'm really really sorry" he begs with his head towards the ground.

"There is no again. You're fired" I tell him.

"What?" He asks finally looking at me. My mother sighs.

"Otis let's calm down and have a talk, let's not be impulsive"

"There's nothing to talk about, when a rule is broken it's broken. That's the end of it"

"I'm really sorry. Okay I'll quit...I'm really sorry Otis I didn't think it was a big deal" he says and he picks up his things to leave.

"Not a big deal?!! If it wasn't then why in the dying ducks would I impose such a rule Rome?!! Come on, speak up" I demand as I lift him up by his collar.
  He was definitely shaking now. I put him down as tears leave his eyes and he continues apologizing.

"Otis Langston! Get your hands off him! Go to your fucking room and calm the hell down! Nobody's fired everyone is safe. Now GO!" My mother says authoritatively.

"I'm sorry mother they are my kids and I take decisions about my kids" I say annoyed and leave. Rome simply stands there sniffing and looks at me with bewildered eyes.

"What are you looking at? Leave and search for a proper job where you can actually be professional" I say finally and leave.

Hazel walks down and notices Rome crying, not knowing whether to leave or to stay.

"Dad! What is wrong with you?!! Why do you have to show your shitty attitude to everyone! It's his birthday!" She comes in his support.

"Stop poking your nose into business that's not relevant to you" I warn her.

"It is relevant to me!! I called him. What did you want me to do? Sit and clean the entire school building?"

"You should've called ME. And then I would've called off early and would've come and picked you up and none of this would've happened" I retort.

"And now you're blaming me? Oh please dad, everyone would be happy if you could go fix your nutjob brain instead of projecting on us" she says.

Lucy and Rome both of them glower at her and begin to speak.

"That is not the way you talk to your father! Hazel apologize right now!" Mom says.

Hazel rolls her eyes and stays quiet.

"I'm doing no such thing. I'm so sick of this!! You're suffocating me dad!" She snaps.

"Suffocating you?" I ask baffled.

"Yes!! From the minute I was born you gave me this princess queen treatment, never let me go out never let me socialise never let me do things on my own. And now I'm fricking useless in my school. I developed anxiety, can't socialise, embarass myself every single day and have little to zero knowledge about basic things!! For god's sake! Our entire refrigerator is filled with post it notes of your endless endless rules, do this do that. It's as if you have written the script of my life and I should simply follow it!! I would love to if you could just tell me how it ends"

She extends her palms and uncurls her fingers showing me crescent shaped all over them.

"Do you see these? I do this, every single day. What for? To just talk with a stranger or even a goddamn teacher!! Such a basic human thing and I have to hurt myself to do it! Dad-"
I snatch her hands and search everywhere if there were more, if they were deep or bruised. Some of them might scar.

  Oh god. Why didn't I ever notice? What was I doing? Oh god, I'm going to puke.

Lucy also comes behind me as she examines her hands.

"Hazel, come with me for a minute" she drags her away into the bedroom.

I lose balance and fall onto the ground. Rome rushes and holds me up and sits me down on the couch.
  He wipes his tears away, gives me a smile and goes to the kitchen to get a glass of water.
  He helps me to the sink and washes my face, all while I feel like a robot just watching my legs move. I couldn't breathe. I feel myself losing touch with reality as everything Hazel says comes hitting.

Scars, anxiety, suffocating me dad, useless, basic human things, hurt myself....my lovely lovely daughter and she had to go through all that because of me..all because...