Defiance

10. spite

Otis Langston

I carry him upstairs and he doesn't even move an inch and sleeps in my arms comfortably.
I lay him down in his room, and tuck him inside his comforter and leave.

"What happened? Is he alright?" Lucy asks.

"Yeah he was really sleepy though, slept like a baby" I smiled.

"Hmm he deserves it" Lucy nods.

"Did you eat? Should I cook something?"

"Nope I had noodles" I tell her.

"Good. Wake him up after an hour, he needs to take his medicine" she informs me and goes into the room waving a goodnight.

I go to my room and scroll through my messages. I quit my job a few months ago. I joined another one. And it was relatively really good. My boss was kind too. We hung out once for drinks and he was the funniest guy on earth. I was still lagging with friends, but I am trying.
There was a message from Katie's daycare.

"I'm sorry to inform you that your child has been causing disturbance to other kids here, I hope you can look into this matter when you get time. Thank you"

Katie? She is so silent here though. She learnt a few words, but when at home she is very very silent. All the first words she spoke were at daycare to be honest. I text them back that I'll come by tomorrow and take a small nap.

After an hour my alarm rings loudly in my ear and I forcefully get up. I knock on Rome's door but he doesn't respond. I slowly open it and go inside. He was still sleeping like a baby.
I nudge him until he's finally awake.

"Come on, get up. You have to take your medicine" I tell him as I pop the pill from the pack. I open the bottle cap and hand it over to him.

He sleepily takes it and goes back to his foetal position on auto mode. I chuckle and close the door as I was leaving but suddenly I hear a noise from Rome. I open the door to see him jolt upwards and was hissing silently.

"What's up?" I ask.

"My back, it's hurting" he tells me. .

"Do you want me to massage it?" I blurt.

He stares at me with wide eyes and finally shakes his head in negative.

"Wanna sit and talk? I don't know if I'll go back to sleep any soon. Unless you're going to sleep, then it's fine you can go" he rambles. I grab a chair and sit down. I simply stare at him and take in his appearance as he blushes profusely under my gaze.

"I think I might like you" I say out of the blue. Was I fucking drunk? Shit. He heard it though.

"No you don't" he says bitterly.

"What if I do? Are you willing to give this a chance?" I continue. I must be crazy.

"No you don't, stop doing this" he warns.

"Doing what?"

"This. Do you want me to break it down and explain it to you??" He asks with a glare.

"Oh please do"

"Fine! Otis, a year ago I told you I liked you! And I did I really did. But you were too busy with your family and I don't blame you, not at all. Then all of a sudden I vanish out from your life.
I mean I'm going to say it. You might've missed me, missed someone who'll blab while you take a nap or try to relax. So yes you must've missed but then you moved on. I met Adam, and I ended up here. You telling me 'you think' you like me, is just going to mess with me more. A year later and wow! Rome is back in your life. And he is in the most pitiable situation. Deep down you feel a bit of guilt. But who likes guilt? Nobody. So what does your brain do? Convert it. It slowly converted into feelings. Feelings of pity and guilt and you confess to me that you like me. So, no Otis. You do not like me. And please don't mess with my head more" he finishes with a deep breath.

I just sit there listening all the while he was analysing me and saying all those. It's true, he thinks...no. he knows he can read me. That's clear on his face.

"And that's just based on your assumptions" I tell.

"Was I wrong?" He challanges.

"Yeah, about one thing. I did not move on from you. I agree that I most definitely did not have a crush on you back then. But when you left I felt a longing feeling. It might've been because I missed my first real friend or maybe because I did have a crush on you. I don't know. But I didn't move on. The few months with you were one of the best for me" I explain.

"That doesn't change shit Otis. Please" he begs. I don't really know what he's begging for though.

"Alright. I'll let you know once my feelings are crystal clear and then there will be no think. Until then, I hope we stay good friends Rome Taylor. Because I really really enjoy your company" I tell him with a smile. He smiles back and shakes my hand.

"Well, my dear friend. I'll take my leave, have a good night!"

"Silly" he mutters with a smile.

I turn off the lights and leave him to sleep.
Maybe he's right. Maybe I didn't maybe I did. And it'll hurt both of us if I were to jump into something like that with a maybe. I'll talk to Lucy about it tomorrow. She'll know what to do.

~~~

"So...I need an advice?" I tell Lucy.

"Is that a question or a request?" She asks.

"Both"

"Fine. Hit me" she responds.

"Okay so I think I like Rome. But it's only a think. He gave this whole analysis on me about how I converted my guilt into feelings for him. I don't think he's right but he could be..." I ramble.

"Get to the point gentleman" she urges.

"I heard this from someone. People who went through past traumatic experiences tend to fall easily for people who give them attention. So the reason why there's a think in my confession is this. I'm not sure if my it's my body's response to him giving me so much attention and liking me, at least back then, or if I genuinely like him. If it's the former, I don't think it's a good idea for me to begin something that'll just vapourise once it hits the mark" I voice my concerns and she listens intently.

"The only advice I can give you is.....If you believe being involved in something complicated will result in a fairytale like ending then go for it. If you believe that being involved in this might result in disaster then don't. Don't complicate your already complicated lives" she tells me.

I nod. Maybe I will dive into it.