ANGST
( musical, inspired )
god. this week was.. a lot for heather—which sounds like impossible, because heather should be the one making others' weeks a lot, but no. how the tables have fucking turned.
she hooked up with veronica after the remington party, a night filled with drunk, sloppy kisses, breathless moans—and heather fucking chandler getting dominated?
they were drunk. very drunk. hooking up with your long-time crush?—which heather would never admit to anyone—but damn, it was hot.
though the morning after was the complete opposite; they argued over it, and veronica 'temporarily' left the clique.
how could she just leave the clique? no, god no, heather is supposed to kick her out.
maybe she should've made veronica what they were learning about in history class.
and now, heather was lying on her queen sized bed, the radio playing 'material girl' to make her feel like the goddamn queen she is, as she hummed the lyrics.
the lights were dim, not fully dark, but pretty dark—to get a certain mood in her, anything but the anger—or whatever she was feeling right now.
she was about to doze off until she heard the ringing of her telephone. who could call at this ungodly hour?
heather got reached from the bed to the nightstandand answered the phone, holding it up to her ear.
" hello? " heather's tired voice spoke through the phone.
" hi, heather, " veronicas voice hit heathers ear.
" veronica, " heather purred into the phone. " what a surprise. "
she could hear a scoff come from the other side of the phone. " yeah, yeah, whatever. i need help with the analytics of the lunchtime polls since i dont understand what the fuck you wrote down. "
right, the lunchtime poll notes—that she purposefully rewritten so veronica couldnt read it. heather has good handwriting, great handwriting actually, but she was pissed off at veronica when she wanted the notes, so she could have the low quality notes.
" are you alone? " heather asked, she doesnt know why—well, she does. because veronica is hanging out with the losers now, jesse james and martha dumptruck. and to be honest, she's jealous of jason dean, getting so close to her girlfri—ex-friend.
" why does it matter? what, are you still pissed off about jason? he has the right to be near me heather, god. "
it was heathers turn to 'yeah, yeah, whatever,' veronica.
and after a long half hour of explaining the notes, they were sitting there, in silence.
" should i come over..? maybe you still have some things you need help w—"
the curly blonde got cut off by the brunettes " no, im all fine now. "
" but what if yo—"
" i said i'm fine. "
" you still could've missed something. " heather argued. so what if she wanted an excuse to go to veronicas house to talk about what happened and convince her to come back? thats normal.
" god, heather. is this about last friday? i dont need you to just use me for your sexual pleasure and then throw me out whenever you've finished. "
thats not what heather wanted.
" you were also in on it, you also let me go down on you, and i dont want to throw you away when 'i've finished.' " heather bit back, though her voice seemed more.. vulnerable than her usual tone.
" we were drunk, heather. we made a mistake, plus, i'm with jd now, just let our hookup be in the past now? i'm not an honourary heather anymore, i dont care what you say about that. " veronica argued
there was silence from heathers end of the line.
" we messed up, it doesnt matter, its the past now. " veronica said, she sounded so calm and sure about this.. how could she be so fucking calm about breaking heather fucking chandlers almost non-existant heart?
" it mattered to me.. " heather felt so fucking small right now, she felt like a loser being yelled at by a heather.
" heather. you're a fucking asshole, a bitch, you're every fucking bad thing that i could think of, everyone knows it, you know it, even. i'm not like you, i'm not a heather, i'm a veronica—my own person. "
" i—"
" its okay to be friends with people like you, but i'm not like you—at all. i'm better off without you. i'm not a monster, i care about you—and i think that its better if im not a 'heather.' "
" thats—.. okay then, bye, veronica. " the last word felt like it choked her as she said it. she slammed the phone back in its place and threw her pillow across the bed.
she couldnt stop the tears from swelling up in her eyes, why does she care so much about a fucking nobody? why does she care if veronica is dating jd? its not like she and veronica were exclusive?
just like veronica said, it was a mistake, no feelings, at all.
but heather still grabbed onto the pillow she just threw, and hugged it tightly, she even buried her face into it to muffle her sobs and sniffles. she could feel her heart hurting.
god, is this what heartbreak is? because she fucking hates it. she feels like absolute shit right now.
heather should fucking hate veronica—heather does fucking hate veronica, its a reciprocated hate, heather hates veronica, veronica hates heather. but heather doesn't want veronica to hate her—they shouldn't hate each other.
no, heather fucking loves veronica, heather loves someone who fucking hates her and its fucking ruining her.
