𝐦𝐞𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬. | conan gray

𝟐𝟐. | pizza night

we've got the pizzas all prepped, the kitchen counter covered in flour, and i'm trying not to think too much about everything that's been weighing me down. it's supposed to be a chill evening, after all.

everyone's in the living room, voices blending into one loud hum, but right now it's just me and el, finishing up with the pizzas. she's rolling out the last dough while i spread the sauce, and there's something comforting in the normalcy of it. i cling to that.

"do we have enough cheese?" el asks, glancing at the fridge. "i swear charlie eats, like, half a pizza's worth of cheese by himself."

i laugh softly. "we'll just have to ration it. he'll live."

just as we're adding the pepperoni, conan steps into the open kitchen, leaning against the wall with his hands shoved in his pockets.

"hey, do you guys need help with anything?" he asks, his eyes flicking between the pizzas and us. i start to smile, about to respond, but then i catch him staring a little too long at the pizza el and i are topping. my gaze shifts to our hands—and that's when i realize he's probably noticed our matching bracelets. it makes my heart race before i can even process why.

el doesn't notice. "we're just about done, actually," she says, grabbing a tray while i finish up the pizza. "you can help by making sure charlie doesn't sneak a bite before it's ready."

conan smiles, but it's the kind of smile that doesn't quite reach his eyes. i catch myself staring, trying to figure out what's going on in his head, but he's already turning back to the living room.

and suddenly, the kitchen feels different—heavy, like all the things i've been trying to ignore are crashing down at once. el's humming to herself, sliding the pizzas into the oven, completely unaware of the mess in my head. i grab a towel and start wiping the counter, like somehow that'll stop the spiral conan just triggered.

but then, my mind drifts back to the album listening party at his place. the final track, the exit—i haven't been able to stop thinking about it. charlie said it's obvious, that the song shows conan isn't over the feelings he's had for me. and i keep telling myself, he is over it, he has to be, because if he's not, it'd make things a million times more complicated than they already are. and besides, i only heard the song once. i didn't memorize the lyrics. maybe i misheard him. maybe i'm just overthinking, making something out of nothing.

but the look he gave when he saw our bracelets just now—it stung, like he wasn't as okay with it as he's pretending to be.

and somewhere in the back of my mind, a thought creeps in: what if he's jealous? just a little. because honestly, if he had someone else, i know i'd feel a little jealous too.

el nudges me with her elbow, breaking my train of thought. "he was totally checking out our pizza masterpieces, wasn't he?" she grins.

i try to smile back. "who wouldn't? we're culinary geniuses."

"or he's just terrified of how much cheese we put on," she jokes, her warmth and lightness making me feel worse instead of better. "he should be grateful. i mean, look at us, keeping everyone fed."

her words are playful, teasing, but i can't relax. i'm stuck, spiraling again, caught in my own head.

"you know," el says, stepping closer. she places her hands on my waist, pulling me in. "we make a pretty good team." my stomach twists as she says it.

we do make a good team. or at least we could, if i could just be honest with her. but i'm not.

i just laugh, but it sounds off, even to me. el doesn't seem to notice. she steps closer, leaning in to kiss me lightly on the lips—soft, quick, the way she always does when we're in our own little world. but even in this moment, i can't shake the feeling that i'm slipping away.