RANDOM

Save Me, Heal me (Nomin)

Jaemin ran through the crowd of people, Jeno tailing behind him. He flinched at the bright lights that shone right at his eyes before he got used to the bright lighting, quite ironic if you considered the fact that nothing happening right now was bright. He ducked under the tape, but before he could step further, a man stopped him. But he couldn't think straight- he needed to go, he needed to know that Areum was ok.

"He's the brother!" A voice yelled from the house, Jaemin lifted his head there he saw his parents, his mother crying her eyes out and his father had this look on his face, it was pale as if he had just seen a ghost. But Jaemin couldn't see his baby brother anywhere, he couldn't see the mop of light brown hair that he had helped dye. He felt someone hold him, turning towards the sudden warmth, he saw Jeno, but his face wasn't adorned by the beautiful eye-smile that he loved, it was pale just like his father's and his eyes were stuck on something, Jaemin following his line of sight.

No- this can't be this- this is a dream. Yes- that's it. In a minute or two, he's going to wake up in Jeno's arms, calming him down from his nightmare like he usually does and next morning he will drop Areum off to his school and after he'd go to his Uni, just like their usual Monday routine. But it felt too real to be a dream, the way Jeno's grip tightened around his shoulders, the way the police who stopped him empathetically stepped aside. And that's when the reality hit him, like a fucking truck. His eyes immediately pooled with salty tears as he let out the most gut wrenching, heart breaking scream as his eyes traced his brother's lifeless body, lying limp on the stretcher, he stepped forward, Jeno's grip stayed where it was, and the boy helped the wailing brother to his sibling.

Jeno let Jaemin go to his brother, he stood behind him watching as the boy's shoulder shook violently, he watched as Jaemin lifted his hand, slowly cupping the dead boy's pale face. He watched as Jaemin fell to the floor, immediately rushing to him and he pressed Jaemin's body against his as he felt the boy wet his shirt with his tears- though he would never care about that.

The stretcher was dragged away, a crumpled piece of paper falling down. Jeno saw it and picked it up, it was partially covered in blood and from the neat, precise handwriting, Jeno guessed that Areum wrote it, it was addressed to Jaemin.

He gently pushed the boy away, wiping his own tears before his hands reached Jaemin's plump cheeks and wiping his tears away too; though his attempt to do so remained useless as more tears kept spilling out. He held the paper to him, his hands shaking, Jaemin taking it from him with the same shaky hands.

To Jaemin Hyung,

I love you hyung. This was my own decision so please never blame yourself. I know how you are, I know you, hyung. I notice when you feel helpless because of them. I know how guilty you feel because you can't help me. And I know that the day you left upstairs to your room, you were just protecting yourself- and that's okay. Hyung, read that again THAT'S OKAY. I know how hard it must have been for you, protecting both me and yourself from all that toxicity. I know you left to heal- and that's ok. And I know you wanted to take me with you and Jeno hyung.

But I just couldn't take it anymore hyung, their voice kept ringing in my head and our cold nights when we cried ourselves to sleep replayed in my head like a never-ending movie. It was too much hyung. Please take care of yourselves. Please live for me, don't destroy yourself because of me. Because I still live in all our memories.

And I know you don't believe in this but if you ever think you are alone (though that may be impossible since Jeno hyung is with you now), please look up at the sky and picture me in the moon, in the dark night sky- it was your favourite thing, to look up into the sky and even though the city lights made it impossible to see all the stars, you still fawned over the couple that you saw and called them beautiful. So please hyung, remember me in the dark nights that you love.