ONE SHOTS COMING UP!!

Why the fuck did i make him do this

The dim, smoky back room of The Celestial Gamble was alive with tension. A mismatched crew of archangels and celestial beings surrounded the poker table, each player holding their cards close. Cards slapped against the green felt table as chips clattered with every bet placed.

Adam, seated at the head of the table, was wearing his usual white and gold robes, his LED devil-mask gleaming with flickering yellow lights. His golden wings were casually draped over the back of his chair, almost as if he were lounging in a recliner. The air was thick with smoke, though none of them needed to breathe. It was just for the vibe.

Across from him, Lucifer sat with his usual smug grin, holding a baby rattle in his hand. Behind him, in a high chair, sat Adam's baby daughter, babbling away and grabbing at the air, oblivious to the drama unfolding in front of her.

Lucifer gave the rattle a little shake. "So, Adam, all in, or are we going to pretend you have a chance to win this hand?"

"Are you kidding me right now?" Adam grumbled, flipping his cards up just enough to glance at them, not even pretending to care. His mask flickered, lighting up in annoyance. "I'm literally an archangel—do you really think I'm scared of you?"

Emily, dressed in her seraphic dress but somehow also managing to sport a Hawaiian shirt over it, leaned back in her chair, flask in hand. "Dude, you're the one who bet your own kid. You don't exactly have the high ground here."

"Okay, first off, Emily," Adam shot her a glare through his mask, "that kid's got like, two parents. This is a team decision."

"You didn't ask Y/N though, did you?" Lute chimed in, smirking as she lazily shuffled her cards.

"Lute, we don't have time for your little moral superiority bit," Adam snapped back, throwing his arms up dramatically. "Do I look like I care?"

"Well, you probably should, considering Lucifer has your child," St. Peter, or "Peter," muttered from the other side of the table, nervously adjusting his halo as he stared at the growing pile of chips in the center.

"Please, Peter, I've been through worse." Adam waved a hand dismissively, his confidence dripping with arrogance. "I once escaped a trap in Hell with nothing but a broken harp and a three-day-old burrito."

St. Peter's eyes widened in confusion. "Wait, what—"

"Don't ask," Lute said, cutting Peter off. "You'll be here all day."

Across from Adam, Lucifer chuckled, spinning the baby rattle in his hand like a villain in a cartoon. "Ah, classic Adam. Always bluffing, always overconfident. It's almost cute."

Adam leaned forward, his mask's lights flickering into the shape of an exaggerated smirk. "Hey, Lucy, question: do you ever get tired of being wrong all the time?"

Lucifer raised an eyebrow. "Wrong?"

"You heard me." Adam slammed his cards down on the table with a flourish. "I'm all in."

Gasps echoed around the table. Even Emily sat up a little straighter, looking slightly concerned.

"Adam, you sure about this?" Lute muttered under her breath.

"Obviously," Adam replied without a shred of hesitation. "I've got this. I'm literally the best at everything."

Lucifer's grin widened. "Oh, this is going to be delicious."

Seth, who had been silently tinkering with some weird device under the table, looked up with a twisted smile. "Hey, Adam, you want to know something fun?"

"Not really, Seth," Adam muttered, his attention still on Lucifer. "Unless it's about me winning."

Seth's grin didn't falter. "Oh, it's about you winning. Or... not winning."

Before Adam could respond, Lucifer flipped his cards onto the table. Four aces. "Looks like you're a little out of your league this time, Adam."

There was a collective silence as everyone took in Lucifer's hand. The rattle in his hand seemed to shake a little louder in the quiet room.

Adam's LED mask flickered in a way that made it seem like he was rolling his eyes. "Four aces? Really? That's the best you could come up with?"

Lucifer leaned back in his chair, basking in his supposed victory. "Oh, I think it's more than enough."

Adam glanced down at his own cards, his confidence seemingly unshaken. "Wow, Lucy, you really don't know me at all, do you?"

With a dramatic flair, Adam flipped over his cards, revealing a royal flush.

The entire room went dead silent, except for Emily, who spit out a mouthful of whine in shock. "Holy—"

Adam stood up, his wings flaring slightly as he stretched. "Well, would you look at that. Guess I win."

Lucifer stared at the cards, his smug expression faltering for the first time all night. "No. No, no, no, you—how did you—"

"Seth cheated," Lute said flatly, not even bothering to hide her smirk.

Lucifer's jaw dropped. "What?!"

Seth gave a little shrug. "I like insurance. And I like not getting blown up by an angry archangel."

Lucifer's eyes narrowed as he turned to face Adam. "You rigged the game?!"

Adam, in typical fashion, shrugged casually. "What? It's not like you weren't also going to cheat. You just suck at it."

"I do not—"

Adam turned away from the table, cracking his knuckles as he made his way toward his baby, completely ignoring Lucifer's flustered ranting. "Anyway, this was fun and all, but I'm done. Kid's mine, and I'm out."

As he lifted his daughter from the high chair, the baby giggled, grabbing at his LED mask, the lights flickering into little smiley faces.

Lucifer, still trying to process what had just happened, stood up abruptly. "You can't just leave after this!"

"Oh, I can and I will," Adam said over his shoulder, adjusting the baby in his arms. "But hey, don't feel bad. Cheating's hard when you're up against the best."

With that, Adam strutted toward the door, his wings flaring out dramatically as he kicked it open with his foot. "Catch you losers later. Same time next week?"

The door swung shut behind him, leaving Lucifer fuming, Emily and Lute trying not to laugh, and St. Peter staring wide-eyed at the remaining chaos.

Lucifer finally groaned, running a hand through his hair. "I hate that guy."

"You and everyone else," Emily muttered, taking another long drink.

And with that, the celestial poker game ended in typical Adam fashion: chaos, cheating, and somehow still walking away with a win.