Seungcheol left the tea and gingersnaps in with Jeonghan and Minghao and left them to talk while he worked out in the yard. An hour later, he felt eyes watching him, and glanced up to see Minghao in the doorway.
“You’re a fucking idiot.”
It wasn’t the first time the beta had said those words to him, but there wasn’t usually so much heat in them.
“Okay.” He was prepared to hear the beta out. If there was one thing he needed in this whole situation, it was perspective.
“He thinks he was a plaything to you. Good enough to fuck, but not worthy of being your mate or the father of your children.”
“I never, ever said that to him.”
“But that’s what he heard, Seungcheol, when you told him there was no future for the two of you. His self-worth was ground down to nothing long before he met you.”
“I know. Figured that out the day we met. That stuff, with his heat and after… I handled it badly.”
“That’s an understatement. But I also know that wasn’t about him; that was about you.” Minghao stepped out into the yard, lowering his voice, his gaze all too knowing. “You’ve always believed you were only good for the role your father carved out for you. That you didn’t deserve the things you really want.”
“I am good at what I do.”
“Not saying otherwise,” Minghao remarked. “What I’m trying to get at here is that you have a choice. You can choose to go back to that life, which is a one-way trip to an early grave. Or you can realize that you deserve this. You’ve paid your dues; you’ve served your country. You’re allowed to have this.”
“Assuming this is what I want?”
He felt like an ass the second he said it, and Minghao’s raised eyebrow said it all.
“Even if this is what I want, it’s not as simple as that. I’m not right for this kind of life. I see that now.”
“You don’t see anything, Seungcheol. Your vision is so skewed right now, you wouldn’t know north from south.”
Seungcheol wasn’t going to argue with him, even if he didn’t agree. He knew himself better than anyone.
“I’ll talk to Jeonghan. Make sure he understands that this isn’t on him.”
“Or you could just admit your feelings for him and sail off into the sunset together. But that would be too easy, wouldn’t it?”
“I’m not the alpha he needs.”
“And yet, you’re the one he wants. He’s smitten by you, when he’s not too busy alternating between terror and confusion. Right now, he’s wondering if he’s going to be forced to give those babies up the minute they’re born or end the pregnancy altogether. Go give him some peace of mind, hey? He deserves that at least.”
Jeonghan was in the kitchen when he stepped inside. At first, Seungcheol wondered if he’d overheard any of his conversation with Minghao, but it was apparent Jeonghan had only just walked in, cups and plates in his hands.
“I’m just going to wash these,” the omega said.
“Leave them, I’ll do them later. Will you come for a walk with me?”
Jeonghan nodded slowly. “Okay. I’ll just put my boots on.”
A few minutes later, they were walking through the trees toward the orchard wall.
“I wanted to talk to you about where we go from here. Or rather, I wanted to give you some assurances.”
“Assurances?” Jeonghan looked doubtful.
“Yeah. There are things I need you to know. The first is that you will have a home here at the orchard for as long as you want one. You and Junhui.”
“But not… not with you?”
“That’s another discussion, for another time. But what I want to know right now is what you want. You’re the one who’s pregnant—you get the deciding vote in what happens next.”
They reached the brook, and Seungcheol led Jeonghan to sit down on the bank. The ducks came to greet them, chattering excitedly until they realized that no food was forthcoming.
“Do you want a baby?”
“There’s four,” Jeonghan protested.
“Semantics. Forget the rest, and just focus on what you want. Do you want a baby?”
Jeonghan was silent for a long moment, his eyes on the ducklings following their mother into the water.
“Yes,” he said, exhaling softly. “I want a baby.” He sighed and added, “And a mate. And a house. And all my dreams to come true.”
In that moment, Seungcheol wanted to promise him the world.
“I don’t know much about making dreams come true, but I think that answers the question of what you really want.”
“Wanting something doesn’t mean I can have it. If it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t even be able to take care of myself. There’s no way I can care for one baby, let alone four.”
“But you’re not alone in this. That’s what I’m trying to tell you.”
“But you don’t want me.”
Seungcheol tried not to groan. As usual, Minghao was right. “It’s not about me not wanting you, Jeonghan. It’s about how I’d be no good as a mate.”
“That’s stupid. You’d be a great mate. I’m not good enough for someone like you.”
“That’s not true at all, Jeonghan. Believe me.”
They were going around in circles, and Seungcheol hadn’t even gotten close to saying what he wanted to say.
“But that’s not what’s important right now. You’re having a baby—four babies—and they’re wanted. By you. By me too, I guess.” He didn’t have to guess; he’d known it from the moment he’d pressed his hands to Jeonghan’s stomach and felt the frantic beating of their little hearts.
“Babies need things. Like a home, food, comfort, safety. I can give you all those things—I will give you all those things—if that’s what you want.”
“You mean you’ll give me money,” Jeonghan said slowly.
“I’ll make sure you have what you need to raise our kids.”
“I can’t raise four babies alone.”
“You’ll have Junhui. And I’ll be here when I can, for as long as I can.”
Jeonghan turned to him. “What does that mean? ‘For as long as you can?’”
“It means my job is dangerous. I almost didn’t come home last time. I might not be as lucky next time. Regardless of what happens, I’ll make sure you’re taken care of. There are death in service benefits, my pension…”
“Kids need their parents. Two are better than one. Having a father around is worth a lot more than any benefits.”
“I don’t plan on dying,” Seungcheol assured him. “I just mean you’ll be taken care of if anything did happen.”
Jeonghan got to his feet abruptly. “I think you’re wrong, about yourself. You’ve been so good to me. I know you’d make a great mate. The problem must be me. You don’t want me. And you don’t want my babies.”
Before Seungcheol could answer, Jeonghan hurried away through the trees. He didn’t follow, not knowing what he could say to that. It wasn’t true, but how could he make Jeonghan understand?
YOU ARE READING
𝐆𝐮𝐚𝐫𝐝𝐢𝐚́𝐧 || 𝐉𝐞𝐨𝐧𝐠𝐂𝐡𝐞𝐨𝐥
FanfictionAn omega without a home. An alpha without a family. They need a pack-they just don't know it yet. Seungcheol put everything he had into fulfilling his father's ambitions, almost dying in the process. After a year spent recovering, he has one thing...
