The Pretender

Chapter 18

Wow, it's been a while, huh?

~~~~~

~Kurt's POV~

It's been a couple days since I've started taking whatever medication the doctor gave me. It's helped a little. I've stopped coughing blood, but I still feel pain in my throat. It feels like I'm constantly swallowing shards of glass, over and over again. Rylan, Krist, and Dave are happy that I'm okay.

Well, mostly okay.

I was laying in bed, staring up at the ceiling. Due to my sudden health issues, we had to cancel the few dates we had left of the tour. There was only about four, maybe five left. I've always felt bad about cancelling tours, but this time things just felt...different.

Rylan had become bitter about the tour and its shows. Hell, even I've felt that way.

But now we all have a chance to rest, and think about stuff.

...I heard the door open, and I turned my head, sitting up just a bit. I propped myself up on my elbows, "Yeah?" It was Krist. He was poking his head in. I smiled a bit, "You can come in, Krist. I don't bite...ah, well. I might." That made us both chuckle. He walked into the room, shutting the door behind himself. He sat on the edge of the bed, but moved further onto it when I moved over. He laid down next to me. I put my arm around him, patting his shoulder. I heard him sigh, which made me look down at him.

"Something on your mind?" I asked. He shrugged, rolling onto his side. He put a hand on my chest. I put my hand on top of his, gently squeezing it, "You can talk to me if there's something bothering you." He nodded his head, "I know. I just..." He sighed again, "I don't know how to put it, really. I'm worried about you, and Rylan. I'm worried about the band." I ran my fingers through his hair while he spoke, "Krist, I'm okay. I feel much better than I did a couple days ago!"

...I say that, but it took so much effort just to get through this conversation.

"Rylan is...well, he's recovering. That's all I can say, really. The poor kid has gone through a lot of shit in such a small amount of time. You have every right to be worried...I'm worried too. I'm sure Dave is too." Krist gently bit his lip, nodding his head slightly. I sat up fully, wrapping both of my arms around him. I pulled him into a tight hug, rubbing his back while he hugged back tightly, "Kurt, I..." His voice was becoming shaky, "I don't know what to do to help him..!"

Tears started to roll down his cheeks. I frowned, lifting my hands to gently cup his face. I wiped the tears with my thumbs, gently kissing his forehead, "That's why we're all helping him. Together. You aren't just doing this alone. Bearing all that weight...it isn't easy. That's why we'll all help each other."

That got him to smile a little. Krist sniffled and wiped some tears away. He held my hand, "Heh..since when did you get all smart? You secretly a therapist or somethin'?" I chuckled softly, my voice slightly hoarse now, "Ha...no. Music is more my thing."

We laid together in bed. We didn't speak much after that, but we just held each other, comforting each other.

~~~~~

~Rylan's POV~

TW: Suicidal thoughts

I was sitting under the bridge, like always.

I had my knees up to my chest, and was hugging them tightly. I was getting overwhelmed by the smallest things. It was all too loud...I needed some peace and quiet. I moved my legs a little, looking at the kitten in my lap. The kitten the guys had found when we were on tour a while ago. I forgot her name already. I ran my finger over her head, making her meow and purr. I smiled a bit, rubbing her chin, "Good cat."

I looked up out at the flowing river. It always slowed down under the bridge, and was a perfect spot to skip rocks. Rowan and I always skipped rocks here. We smoked, made songs, goofed off, got hurt, laughed, cried. Everything. Even if we both hated each other towards the end, he was my best friend.

It had been maybe two or three months since he died, and a bit longer since Shawn died. God...I've lost so many people. My parents, Raymond, Jason, Shawn, and now Rowan.

'The last cherry on top would be me.'

...My eyes widened slightly at the sudden thought. It...wasn't exactly wrong, but it was shocking. I've almost died before, and I actually have died before...but to stay dead isn't something I've thought about.

But...maybe it would be for the best. I've only ever caused trouble. I attract the worst shit imaginable. From the house fire, to Ruby...all of it. All because of me.

...The cat's quiet meows brought me out my thoughts. The poor girl was curled up and shivering in my lap. Shit. How long have I been out here? It only felt like minutes, but the sun was already setting. I went here a little after noon...fuck. The guys are probably worried about me now. Great.

'If I was gone, they wouldn't have to worry about me.'

I bite my lip, wrapping the kitten up in my flannel. I stand, and begin walking home.

~~~~~

It's good to be back. Also I have an essay due wednesday and its minimum word count is 700...this chapter alone was just 883 words (which is far better than my record of 500-some words). Consider it practice, maybe.

The quality of this chapter is...ehhh. But I think you all deserve an update. It's been a while after all (a year haha ow). Dave's appearances will be...fewer than before, because of thing he's recently done. It just doesn't feel right to write him being all lovey dovey with Kurt and Krist. Hell, it didn't even feel right with the two in this chapter.

But hey, I'm glad I was able to get a chapter out. I can't promise more, but I'll do my best to try and get some out when I get the time and motivation.

(also...I somehow padded this up to 1000+ words. I could use that motivation for my essay, lmao)

-me