Walking On Sonshine - AbbaAnais

Anais' Completion

She ignored the piercing in her ears every time she was committed an offence against Yahuah. She went to church and hardly heard His word. She hardly saw His face although He was right in front of her. In everything that she'd ever had, he was It. He is It. He's all that's Ever been.

Anais Mckinley, was a depressed and faithful youth. Depressed of the world as well as faithful to it. She saw the good He'd done and after enough ringers of Life, she shut Him out and resorted proving He wasn't True & Just. He was always True & Just. 

He's still True & Just, even in her rest.

He holds her with His Sovereign Hand, holding onto the Faith He knew she had left in her for Him in spite of the wickedness of the World. Her faith toward the end, cancelled out all the offence she'd committed in a lifetime.

In her last breaths, she said, 'Father, Forgive me for I have sinned against you. I repent and plead for your forgiveness. As I lie paying the wages of sin, I pray. Please, don't deliver me to Damned Eternity. Deliver me to Your Promised Land. Accept me Home. Please don't turn me away. Deliver me to You. Abba."

Her life flashed before her eyes. Her Youth. Her eternal youth.

She remembered a time when she could only long for the departure of suicide. Then she remembered a time when she could only long for the departure with God.

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It was a great day. She felt overwhelmed and He took the burden away. Yahuah replaced her burdens with His light and easy yoke. She knew it was Him, but at the same time she was in Double-Minded Denial.

"The name of the Lord is a strong tower; the righteous run to it and are protected." - Proverbs 18:10.

"How come cleaning out a house invested with rodents, seems easier than cutting off offences." Anais asked herself as she scrubbed the muck of her Mee Maw's house off her body. She thought it'd be the biggest hurdle, until she remembered that her mind had convinced her of it. The clean up was a peace of cake, despite the hoards of trash and rat nests.

She wasn't traumatized when the rat's head poked out of the milk carton. She was traumatized when she got a whiff of lust and fought the urges to commit an offence against the temple she'd been blessed with.

She chose the Lord and hated the world. Or at least that's what she told Him. She'd tried to convince herself of it and lean on His grace. He had conquered the addiction for her before. She knew she was strong, but didn't feel like it.

"I just wanna die...for You, Lord. Not me." Is what she said as her sore body laid on the battered and uneven mattress. She said is was for Him. That was a lie. She wanted to die to escape a world of sin. She knew the burden of sin led to death and being as though she'd fallen to it a million times before, she thought she'd already lost.

She felt like a rat, a rodent to God. Constantly skimping by and scavenging rather than soaring and surviving through His Sovereignty.

One moment the rat seems adorable in the light, the next it seems sinister and scurries through the dark. One moment she saw herself as a Child of God in His Deliverance, the next she saw herself as an Ugly Child of Sin. She had been searching for the answer to life. She found Him. Then it got dull when she didn't see anything about life worth it again.

She said she wanted to live for Him and longed to die for Him more. She wanted to Die more than she wanted to live again. To her, the only worthwhile thing was dying for Heaven. She saw life as worthless once more.

"He predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of His will" - Ephesians 1:5

'To the person out there that feels they are all alone, you're Not! You have a heavenly father that is waiting for you with open arms, no matter who you are, where you came frome, what you've been through or what you've done. He is waiting for YOU! Surrender and run to him my friend!' - The List, Christian Movie