Book One: A Storm of Glass and Ashes

Chapter Twenty-Four: A Plan

When they were done, they retrieved their clothing from where someone had left it, just outside the office door. Hawk would have felt ashamed, fucking her husband on a stranger's desk, but she was pretty sure no one was ever coming back here. Still, after she was dressed she rummaged through the unknown woman's desk drawers until she found some hand sanitizer, and applied most of the bottle to the desk, using a paper towel to get a nice, even spread. There. 

They weren't in a big hurry to leave and go upstairs to catch the last few hours of sleep before dawn. Sex wasn't just about the start and the climax. It was also about the slow spiral back down to earth. Alex and Hawk both made sure they hadn't hurt each other, and that they were ready to rejoin proper society. Grounding. That was the term for it. It was mostly cuddling, and laying softer, gentler hands on the places where pleasure had evoked a harsher touch. They hadn't marked each other up, this time...or if they had, it was hidden under all the bruises and blemishes they'd gotten wandering around the deadened zoo. Alex was especially careful of Hawk tonight. It was as if she were some treasure and he was worried she might fly apart. She wondered if he thought she was also taking extra care with him. She could have lost him tonight. The apes could have been...less than peaceful. The Ape could have been hostile. A bullet could have found him from the ricochet.

Or on purpose. Nobody would have blamed Kaiser if she and Alex (And Em. And Dyson) had all died tonight. It would be excused, the way their deaths at Mrs. Cummings' house would have been excused. Things happen when you're fighting disaster, right? All he would have needed to do is tell one of those gunmen to take aim. This thought drove her to burrow in against him and hold him tight. And Alex merely clenched his arms around her and buried his face in her neck, breathing her, drinking her in. I don't want to lose you, she read into that gesture, and she answered it with her own need. Not a need for sex. A need for Alex. She needed his clever mind, his ethics, his strength. She needed him to love her, because she loved him so much there were times she craved his touch.

She didn't believe in soul mates. She believed that every person was born whole...and that love required a breaking. You hollow yourself out when you love, carving a place for the Beloved, so that you will never be complete without them again. This was no bloodless process, but a visceral, willful wounding. A choice, over and over, to break the walls that used to serve, rip down the barriers, shatter one's own guard and even crumble the supporting structure, so that the Beloved became part of  the support system itself. And when they're gone--when she did not have Alex with her--it hurt when the wind blew through. People say that love requires vulnerability. They don't mention that carving out your own backbone would be a far less violent process. There was a part of Hawk that regretted losing her own full autonomy, that loneliness, once a sacred right, now only brought on pain. But the rest of her luxuriated in the act of loving, and of being loved. Her soul was fattened on it, and on Alex, and that made it all so very worth the pain.

Alex's fingers walked up and down her arms. He paused then reached over and picked up the Ape's Orb. "Honey, if I ask you to do something insane, will you do it?"

"Insane? Like...stand up to Kaiser insane, or 'go home' sort of insane?" She arched a brow. He was bending into pretzels to keep her separate from Kaiser. She didn't think he wanted her to mouth off to the man.

He sighed and sat down at the edge of the desk, its mirror finish reflecting every lovely inch of him. Oh, well. It'd get dusty with Glass again in no time. "I want you to go home, yes. At least long enough to get this thing somewhere safe." he held up the Orb.

"You think that it's that dangerous?" She said.

"What do you think?" He said.

She dropped her head and prayed he was about to say something else. But no. He genuinely wanted an answer. Fuck. "I think...honestly? No matter how crazy it makes me seem?"