His Treasure

Alive but Not Truly Living

Elena
5:10 p.m.

After twisting and turning in bed
I finally woke up

I opened my eyes and was just staring out of space for a while

After about 15 minutes, I got up, washed my face and brushed my teeth

I made my way to the kitchen since I was starving

I didn't feel for anything heavy so I made an egg sandwich
After eating that I went back to my room to retrieve my phone from the night stand
I opened it and went straight to my parents group chat on WhatsApp to video call them. I really wanted to see what was more important than to be with their child

But neither of them answered
I didn't call back because they didn't care and so did I

I placed my phone back down on the night stand facing down and took up my iPad
As soon as I unlocked it my phone started ringing
Getting excited I threw the iPad down on the bed and hurriedly stretched over to pick up my phone
Realizing that it wasn't neither of my parents I frowned
But at least Mello remembered me

I let the phone ring for 2 more times before I answered

Nah Mek him feel like mi sidung a wait pan him fi call

Placing the phone at my ears I stayed quiet waiting on him to speak first
"Hello" he said in a husky tone

Almost as if he had just woken up

"Hello" I replied

"You good?" He asked

No.

"Yes I'm okay how are you" I said instead
I really don't want to scare him away with all my problems
Him probably think it stupid anyways

"Mi good man, yuh eat?" He asked
"Yeah" I replied

" I'm coming to pick you up right now" he said then hung up
Him dvn Gimi no chance fi talk
He left no room for discussion
Clock that.

I removed the phone from my ears and laid on my back thinking

I've always had a strange relationship with my feelings
It's as if I built a wall around my heart and no matter how hard I try I don't know how to break it down. The persons closer to me sees me as indifferent with this 'I don't care' attitude but it's deeper than that
I go through motions of life laughing and engaging, but deep down there's this numbness that makes it hard to truly connect with anyone anymore. I crave that depth of emotion yet I'm afraid of what might happen if I let my guard down
Sometimes I wonder if this nonchalance is a defense mechanism, a way to protect myself from pain and disappointments
I feel like a ghost. Alive but not truly living

As I shut my eyes tears started streaming down the side of my face

'Alive but not truly living' that's how I felt

I laid my here for another minute or two collecting my thoughts

I got up and take a shower again before throwing on a black oversized graffiti T-shirt and a black sweat pants
I took out my white crocs and went in the bathroom to clean it off then took all the gibbets from my other crocs off and put them on the white one