More Than Meets the Eye.

Chapter 11

They allowed Deeks some time to sleep as the exhaustion claimed him again and moved away from the couch to talk quietly in the bullpen.

"I never realized he was this bad." Callen said keeping his voice low, "I should have I'm his team leader, it's my job to see when my people need help."

Pete shook his head, "If Marty doesn't want you to see what's wrong you won't see."

"But we're federal agents we are trained to notice when people are hiding things. We're professionals!" Kensi argued.

Jess smiled, "Honey, there is professional and then there is professional, Marty has been hiding his real feelings all his life. He doesn't even let me in to how he is feeling all the time."

"But, he trusts you and calls you Ma,"Sam interjected surprised.

Jess smiled sadly, "He trusts me with most things, because I earned his trust. But there are still things that he wouldn't tell me about. I knew that there was something going on here, but he wouldn't tell me. He just told me it would be ok."

"When did he tell you that?"

"About a month after he started working with you...He had been on a case, and someone died, Traynor...I think, he was close to her anyway. It ate him up and he felt like he had let you all down." Jess held up her hand to forestall the words she saw wanting to defend Deeks coming from the other agents and continued. "He didn't expect you to understand his relationship with Traynor, they were close...really close, he had let her in and she would listen while he talked, they both had things in their past and I think with them sharing their experiences with each other they managed to help each other."

"He could have come to us." Sam said. "We would have listened...We know what it's like to lose a partner."

"Dominic...yes, Hetty told us, but it isn't the same. Jessie was the first woman Marty really loved. He loved her and allowed her to love him, which for him was a breakthrough. He hadn't had a real relationship since..., well there was this one girl he liked in college." Jess sighed but continued. "It didn't work out so well and he needed to get a restraining order out on her. Turns out she was paid by his father to date him and hurt him."

Deeks slept, the exhaustion and Sam's words rolling around in his head. unfortunately the peace of knowing that Sam trusted him with his kids was shattered as the memory of his father butted in.

In his mind the scenery around him got darker and murkier, walls rising around him and a dumpster next to him getting taller... or was he getting smaller?

A chill ran down his spine as familiar laughter rang around him and he found himself wrapping his arms around himself to keep the warmth in and the fear away.

"They know now!" A voice laughed gleefully. "They know how useless you are... Take care of them? You can't look after yourself, or her. You know that Sam doesn't mean it, he's just trying to look good."

The voice whirled around him like a tornado, the downwards force of his words making Deeks fall to his knees.

"Sam respects me." Deeks called out his voice sounding younger and higher in his ears.

"RESPECTS YOU!" The voice laughed. "He respects you? How can he he doesn't know you. He doesn't know the snivelling brat who sat back and watched his mother killed because he couldn't step up for her. He doesn't know the kid who whored himself out as a stripper for an education he didn't need....He doesn't know YOU."

"I didn't...I worked for my money...I...."

"SHUT UP!" A black mass formed in front of him, "You need to respect your betters, you need to learn your place."