Sacred Religion

Public Humiliation

Pastor Rivers was not so enthusiastic when I told her that I wanted to become a priest. She asked me if this was something the Holy Spirit wanted me to do and then mentioned that I would have to study the Bible a lot more. Pastor Rivers confused me. I doubt God would send me a written invitation to be a priest, and anyone can remember Bible quotations. I am certain that even Satan can quote the Bible. Shouldn't a priest be a close friend to God and want to spread the message that Jesus is our saviour, died for our sins and was resurrected, and wants to be our friend? It really makes no difference, as I had nearly a decade to decide if I wanted to be a priest or not.

Pastor Rivers upset Father James again at his church. This time it was not about her long sermon or her screaming. It was the fact that she prayed for people that were not there. She prayed that Father Scott would find the holy spirit and let the holy spirit work through him. She thought he had no passion and did not think his faith was strong enough. I believe that many who knew Father Scott were a bit shocked, as he is a very wise man, and one can see that God was a very important part of his life. He did not shout or scream, but his passion could be heard in what he said and when he sang. Pastor Rivers also prayed that Clara would get a heart and learn how to forgive people and be nicer. This was because Clara was very vocal about how Pastor Rivers treated Saint Francis Home. It made me wonder how Clara could forgive Pastor Rivers if Pastor Rivers did not want to be forgiven. Pastor Rivers didn't think she had done anything wrong.

Maybe Pastor Rivers was right about Clara. Maybe she needed a heart. Many people think that Clara could be a hard nut, and many think that Clara does not like them. Clara was always a good friend to me, and she cared about me like I cared about her. She did like winding me up and playing tricks on me. Shortly after Pastor Rivers prayed for Clara and I told her about it, Clara just shrugged her shoulders and told me that she didn't care what Pastor Rivers thought and thought that Pastor Rivers was a crazy woman. We were horseback riding at the time, and I fell off my horse. Sarah stood beside me on her horse and suggested we do an experiment. She wanted her horse to walk over me to see if it would kill me. I must admit that this experiment made me panic a little bit. Clara did not do it and started to laugh. She was winding me up again. I am glad she did not kill me. It showed that Clara did have a heart.

Rowan and I still slept in the storage room, while Pastor Rivers had her own room that was the size of a small house. One day when I tried to find her, I could hear that she was in her room. I waited outside. Pastor Rivers was very mad at me when she saw me outside and accused me of peeking at her. I did not get a chance to say that I did not, as she gave me this sermon about purity and whatnot. I stormed off, losing my temper, and shouted at her that I did not peek and waited outside. Pastor Rivers did apologise, but it took me some time to calm down, thinking she could find me in the future. Rowan was the one that calmed me down, saying that it was just a misunderstanding. Rowan did not think that Pastor Rivers was used to being around children.

The next time that Pastor Rivers gave a sermon at Father James Church, she started praying for Mr. Frank that his cancer would be healed. At least Mr. Frank was there, and he appreciated that she prayed for him. It upset Father James, as she was basically once again promising that God would heal him, and he thought for some reason it was wrong. I did not see the big problem, as Mr. Frank appreciated her prayers and liked that she was trying to give him hope.

Father James seemed to have lost his patience with Pastor Rivers. He asked me to give her a document that explained that his church would not pray for people in sermons, prayers, or masses that did not ask to be prayed for. The document explained that doing this when people did not ask for it can be a form of humiliation. I bet he was thinking about how she prayed for Father Scott. It was a form of criticising him in public. The document also said that Father James Church would not tolerate hell and brimstone talk or when a priest or pastor tried to scare people. When I showed this to Pastor Rivers, she did not comment but nodded her head.

The document did not change much. Pastor Rivers did the same as she always has done. She had long sermons that seemed as if they were getting longer and longer every time, and she would end up screaming and shouting. Flynn made things more fun during her sermons. He started being an altar boy at Father James Church, and he made me laugh during Pastor Rivers's sermons. Flynn would make faces during the sermon or would look very confused. Sometimes he would look at his watch. Once he even asked how much longer her sermon would be as it was a school night and he had to sleep. Flynn was like a breath of fresh air.

At Saint Francis church, I asked Father Scott how priests and pastors could be so different. Is it because some have the Holy Spirit while others don't? Father Scott thought about this for some time and explained that some churches, particularly in Pentecostal or evangelical traditions, emphasise emotional expression and high energy. Shouting and long sermons are seen as ways to convey passion, urgency, and conviction. The congregation may expect this type of preaching as part of a spiritual experience where emotions are a key part of worship. Some preachers believe that the Holy Spirit guides their message in real-time, so they feel led to speak for longer or with great emotion. Every preacher has a unique way of expressing themselves. Some are naturally more dynamic, and shouting can be their way of drawing attention or making sure the message hits hard. Others may prefer a calm, conversational approach, focusing on teaching and reflecting. Some congregations enjoy longer, more dramatic sermons because they feel spiritually engaged. Others may prefer shorter, more reflective sermons because they find peace in quiet reflection. Father Scott thought it was good that people had a choice of where they could pray and what suited them the best. He reminded me that it's the quality of a sermon that is important and not quantity.

Father Scott did not criticise Pastor Rivers and tried to explain to me that it was cultural. Pastor Rivers was different. One day while I was talking about Saint Francis home and Father Scott and Clara, Pastor Rivers got upset and told me she did not want to hear about them or talk about them. Pastor Rivers explained that Father Scott did not have God in him and was a burnt-out priest, while Clara was simply not a nice girl. This meant that she did not want to hear about them. I just stood there in shock as these were two important people in my life, and my foster mom did not want me to talk about them.

I was once again confused, and my brain was like spaghetti. I hid in our tree house and tried to make sense of the adults around me. Rowan told me that for a 9-year-old, I thought too much and was too sensitive. He explained to me that if I was to listen to everything that adults said, I would end up in a mental institute. Pastor Rivers was a special lady who had her own special ways of doing things that would confuse anyone. Rowan suggested once again that I do the same as him. I should let many things adults say go in one ear and out of the other ear. Rowan was afraid that all these religious questions would end up making me sad.

Father James thought the same way. He told me that I was at that stage in life where I was asking about God, and this was because I was surrounded by religion. I needed to pray and reflect on what God meant to me. So I did that. The Catholic Church and the Gospel Spirit Church were founded by humans and run by humans. They were not perfect but did try their best. The relationship I wanted with God was deeper than a church. I wanted to be God's friend and servant. I knew that God wanted me to be a good person, so I would try to be the best person I could be, even with Rowan and Clara.

Rowan gave much of the money he got from delivering newspapers to Pastor Rivers, as she always needed money for the church rent and her medicine. She managed even to get my savings. Let me tell you how this happened. Pastor Rivers wanted an electronic notice board for the church, as it would help her work so much. She did not have the money for it, and I could really see that she wanted this notice board. So I ended up giving her my savings and told her that she could use it for the notice board. This did not end well. I found out that she used my savings to buy a cake for the church members, and this made me feel so betrayed. I did not even discuss it with her. I did not even get to taste the cake. After this, I vowed that I would not give Pastor Rivers any money that I saved up.

Mr. Frank died of cancer, and this was very hard for me. I know he was old and very old at that, but he was a friend to me. It was like there was a hole in my heart, and it was so hard to understand that I would no longer speak with him. We had a memorial for Mr. Frank where everyone could say something. Pastor Rivers used this opportunity to give a sermon that we should use Mr. Frank's death as a reminder that we will all get judged, and if we wanted to escape the wrath of God, we had to read the Bible and submit ourselves to God. Pastor Rivers "sermon" did not help anyone. She was not remembering Mr Frank as everyone else did during a memorial. It was like she had an audience where she could preach to. I don't think anyone was impressed by a preacher talking about God's judgement or wrath, and it reminded me of what I learnt at school: that there is a time and place for everything. Luckily, Flynn said something after. He explained that he knew that Mr. Frank was very religious, but Mr. Frank never judged Flynn because Flynn was an atheist. Flynn was grateful that Mr. Frank never pushed religion on others but showed by example what he believed. I hugged Flynn after the memorial and told him that this was how I wanted to remember Mr. Frank—a good man who showed respect and was kind.

We attended The Gospel Spirit Church a few days others where Pastor Rivers had what she called "a housecleaning day." This was because she just excluded someone from her church. After all, he refused to call her "senior pastor." We did not hear why he did not want to do this. We did hear how Pastor Rivers studied for years to be a pastor and how many people she converted and how God has chosen her to be anointed and get people ready for the end of times. In other words, Pastor Rivers demanded that we all address her as "Senior Pastor" or we could leave the church. I just sat there and wondered if there were more important things to talk about. Neither Father Scott nor Father James demanded that we call them Father. Maybe they were more humble.

Father James took over the choir after Mr. Frank died. I also became friends with a new boy in the choir. I was drawn to him because he was a Satanist. I never met a Satanist before and thought he must be in a secret society that chanted to Satan and sacrificed innocent animals or something like that. So I asked him if he was evil, which made him smile. He explained that a proper Satanist was basically an atheist who believed that no one should hurt others unless it was a defence. As it turns out, the Satanist boy was kind and fun to hang out with.

I didn't tell Pastor Rivers about the Satanist boy in the choir. I figured that was something that she did not need to know. I will also be honest; I did not want a long sermon about it or to be bombarded with Bible quotations. Besides that, Pastor Rivers was busy telling Rowan and me that God had instructed her to build a Christian school. This gave me anxiety, as I thought she would expect Rowan and me to attend her new school. I did not want to leave Saint Francis School. Rowan could see that I was worried and whispered in my ear that I should not worry as this was just one of Pastor River's big plans that would never amount to anything.

A few days later, Pastor Rivers was giving a sermon at Father James Church again. Once again, it was long, and she kept us awake by screaming. I nearly started laughing when I saw some put earplugs in their ears. My smile disappeared when she started talking about Flynn. Pastor Rivers told the congregation that we should pray that Flynn found God. She told everyone that Flynn was an atheist and he needed to find God. Once again, she publically hung someone out to dry, despite Flynn not asking to be prayed for. I could see the look on Father James' face and knew there would be some sort of drama on the horizon...