P U R E

H O P E

     Sometimes I think the world is too big for me. An unbelievable beauty that I'm yet to discover in future. I see it but cannot touch it yet. I feel that somewhere, I don't know where it's my place, somewhere where I belong. 

     Certainly, it was hard to concentrate on something like chemistry or biology when you hear arctic monkey all over heart and body. I'm easily distracted with every possible shit that happens around me. Well, my friend is used to it. Suddenly, Greg put off my earphones and started yelling at me.

"Mike why the fuck I'm sitting here trying to put something in ur empty head" Greg yelled

"huh?" I said calmly like I was from another galaxy

"Dude, I literally gonna kill ya, u know?!" He almost screamed

"Greg, for Gods sake calm down, I'm studying...yeah...in my own special way u know!"

"Yeah go tell it to our professor -.-" Greg said annoyed

     I was, for sure, not in the topic at all. I was looking at walls and imagining crazy, complicated, moving pictures, that no one can see, and i'm the only one that can understand it clearly. I was all in "I wanna be yours" this song gives chills every time I click on play button. At this time I couldn't focus on something for more than 5 seconds, 'cuz song just got me so high, I didn't want to come down from heaven that I was in. I didn't pay attention to Greg's warnings. I was feeling free at that moment, free of all strings that are attached to me, and keeping me here.  I was free of all responsibilities, tasks, and problems for almost 3 minutes. It was enough for me to get those good vibes for whole day. 

     My day was not so interesting and full of stuff, just some morning classes, than private lessons for admission exams. Greg is my best friend and as usual best friends should stay together like forever or something. So, we decided to choose the same path for our future. We are future doctors...but now not about that. We are on our last grade in High School. Now imagine, the routine of a student that just decided his future and has only one year to reach it. Yuuppp, full of study crap! 

     Sometimes I think the world is too big for me, and I cannot do anything with that feeling. Recently I started to make my brain think about different stuff just for not to think about my existence, and make an imaginary list of what I want and especially what I need the most. So, I consider myself pretty hot, well...girls like me, with my black hair and well I wear optical glasses, but I look cool. Yeah I was distracted again..So what I definitely need and want right now is to get to know life better, and maybe that's why I always seek for someone completely like me, my reflection. The only thing that keeps me motivated all the time is hope. Yeah I know I sound like typical teenage dirtbag, but hope has become a part of my "exciting" life. To be clear, I hope someone will completely change my life because I'm getting extremely exhausted and mentally fucked up of this routine.

"Mike!..Mikeeeyyy? MIKE! What the fuck is wrong with u?" Greg yelled again 

"Hey dude don't shout at me I'm not deaf!" I yelled right after him

We finished our lessons for today and were heading back home

"Why r u destroying yourself? Is it a depression or something?" He asked anxiously

"I don't think so, it might be the pressure of our studies and everything combined, I just don't feel well... u know? maybe I'm sick" I lied to make him comfy

I smiled to him and tilted my way to the opposite side.

Again overthinking and thinking and thinking all over again...