P U R E

E M P T Y

     Sometimes I think my heart is too big for my body. I guess my feelings overwhelm me sometimes, 'cuz I've got no one to share them with. At least I've tried once but unfortunately it was one of my regular mistakes.

     Empty...yeah that's the perfect word to describe this feeling of nothing. Emptiness was filling me after sharing so many emotions and memories with someone who I thought was that only one who'll get it perfectly. She loved mysteries, she became a mystery, and she still is. In the beginning I was astonished with her beautiful mind and was attracted to her unconsciously. First meeting was pretty awkward, u know, never met this person before, but got comfy after like 5 minutes later. She was kind and was speaking about imaginary things and making a conversation out of every possible word. It was unexpected 'cuz I'm the one who should speak all the time to avoid awkward silence definitely. I risked and started to talk about my personal stuff, it was unexpected also, it was like she was dragging it out of my mouth. I told her so many things that day but again unconsciously. 

     We started texting each other, and it was okay. I remember that I felt so warm and comfy speaking with her, she understood my every word even completed some of them. I could talk about every possible thing with her, that was new for me, something amazing, something from another universe. I was looking at the sky and my imagination saw only her, even airplanes flying above that were giving me motivation, since I was thirsting freedom, didn't leave any impression on me.

     I like panoramas, so I preferred to spend my spare time looking at the city from our balcony and think about different stuff...again about her...damn it. I got my all courage in my fist and told her to go out with me. Well, she said yes and I was so happy that it gave me chills. We were walking, and talking about life. Afterwards I told her something really important for me, that only Greg knew, or I may say a secret. While I was speaking she was looking straight into my eyes, they were so warm and full of emotions, and I certainly knew that she understood every thing I was telling her. She was smiling with surprised face of her, 'cuz she hadn't thought that I can be so romantic...well yeah got some of it. The only thing that bothered me is that she was keeping a vast distance from me. She was cold, colder than Pluto, cold never bothered her. Yeah she's got hilarious sense of humor, and can make anything sound funny, and she could make my serious poker face turn into a clown face. At last, I realized something that wasn't so good. She knew about me everything whereas I knew about her absolutely nothing. That was her strategy, to make you speak, to manipulate, to analyze every cell in your brain. The worst thing that I couldn't predict what she would do next. I started to feel so small again, so brainwashed and useless, but in fact I became more interested in her, and tried not to loose control again. From the start she treated me like an ordinary friend, I treated her special. Yeahhhh....holy walls of friendzone and I was in it crawling up but falling down each time.

     Above all, I haven't told the most important fact, Greg was talking with her from the beginning too. Well, I wasn't very surprised. He is a dreamer, she is a dreamer. They understand each with no words. I may even say Greg is a male version of her. Its like to find twins and separate them at birth. We liked to hang out with our so called 'squad', me, my sister, Greg, and she. I started to pay attention to things that I was used to not give a damn. Greg looked at her like looking at a miracle or an alien. I could see how happy and lively he was with her. Frankly, I was jealous. Those looks, that were more than words, more than universe. At that time I could see everything clearly...I was the one who was standing between them.

     I wasn't feeling bad or something, it's just that it hurt. I wasn't disappointed, I was empty. Emptiness was all I felt. I shared myself all, and was empty. Nothing...completely nothing.

     She was Rebel, this name perfectly suits her. She was one of few people that were out of social system. Moreover, I don't know if she was a magician or an alien but she was always right. She liked mysteries, she was a mystery.

     After all this drama, I'm slowly getting myself back, again searching that one, to share my life with.

     And now I'm standing in my balcony and looking at that beautiful sunset, again reminding myself about my past, and mistakes. The more I think the more I see the reality.

"Mike r u hungry?" mom yelled from the kitchen

"No mom I'm fed up with all this drama" I said automatically

"huh?"

"Nothing, i'm coming" 

    My heart was too big to handle, it was looking at the sky and dreaming.