In His Shadow

Escape

I don't know if coughing so much had rattled my brain around in my head and damaged it. But I found that actually being in hospital was not the worst experience ever. Did I like people fussing over me? Absolutely not! Was it boring at times? Yes. But so was sitting in maths at school. A steady stream of my family and friends visited to gossip with me. Best of all the smear campaign had momentarily halted - while I was not attending school or in fact going out in public they had no way of harming me.

On Tuesday afternoon, six days after I had been admitted I was granted freedom; with a packet of anti-biotics large enough to tranquillise a horse and a steroid inhaler. As predicted my Ma was being a helicopter parent! Thank the Lord Jesus that my Da was being much more relaxed although he was in Dublin. Which left me with my Ma who was looking at me like I was about to keel over at any given moment...

However, after catching sight of myself in the mirror when I had put real clothes on for the first time in five days I did understand her worried stares. I had coughed so much, that I had burst blood vessels in my eyes my irises dotted with purple. Underneath my eyes the skin looked bruised as though I was sleep deprived; in reality I felt like all I had done was sleep but it had been disjointed, broken up by coughing fits that rattled through me. A combination of hospital food and frequently coughing until I was physically sick meant that I was at least 7lbs lighter bones starting to protrude at right angles. In summary I looked like a corpse.

A happy corpse because I was elated to be going home to sleep in my own bed. The seat warmer pulsing through the passenger seat of the Range Rover was absolutely delicious and call me a Culchie but I was even glad to be reunited with the sweeping green vista of the Irish countryside. I craved wide open spaces after being cooped up inside. Shame this was all I would see of them because my Ma was bound to keep me prisoner inside the manor. I knew JJ would not reason with her on my behalf as he was also a born worrier. I wonder if Joey or Da would risk their necks to gain me freedom.

"Are you okay, love?" Ma asked for what felt like the millionth time.

"I'm grand, glad to be going home"

"We'll be pleased as punch to have you back, love. But we need to discuss the ground rules"

Here we fucking go! I bit back the grumble of objection that welled up inside of me. I had promised myself I would let her smother me for a week because I knew she needed it.

"Your Da and I have agreed, that you can go back to school on Thursday if you feel up to it. But aside from that we don't want you going out unless we feel you are with someone responsible"

I was going to be babysat! I understood where she was coming from, really I did, sometimes breathing was still a lot of effort. But that is what the bleeding inhaler was for. If I was watched every minute of the day I would lose my tiny mind. Also who the feck was she deeming as responsible!? My brother who lied to her for months? Gibsie who had broken several laws? Joey who was a recovering addict? Ailbhe who was legally a child? Did I even know anyone responsible...Maybe Aoife but she had her hands full.

"Also, we know your three weeks are up on Saturday, pet. But we aren't comfortable with you playing hockey just yet"

What the actual fuck!?

I wanted to scream! Actually, screw screaming I wanted to open the car door and jump out of the moving vehicle. Don't get me wrong I was not currently fit enough to play a full game of hockey I would be a wheezing wreck within ten minutes. But I would never get my fitness back if they banned me from playing. There was no way on God's green earth that I was complying with that rule. I said she had a week to mother me, which meant on Friday I would be letting my stubborn streak run free. Then on Saturday whether she liked it or not I would be returning to hockey having waited three weeks in broken rib purgatory.