Coffee and Cream

The Confession

DARCELLE

The lipstick smudged on the mirror looked almost surreal—a blurred streak of red against the glass. My reflection was hazy, like it wasn't me anymore, like I was seeing myself from the eyes of a bird, floating high above everything. The room felt like it was closing in, or maybe expanding infinitely—I couldn't tell the difference. Time felt distant, and space too. My mind drifted, and my heart pounded, like it was trying to escape through my chest. The shrooms, weed, and alcohol had worked their magic, and I was so far away from everything. Emrys, life, reality—all of it felt like it was slipping through my fingers.

Emrys came up behind me, his presence grounding me. His arms wrapped around my chest, pulling me back into the moment, pulling me back into him. He kissed my temple, his lips soft but lingering, and then his eyes found mine through the mirror. His reflection stared at me, cool and calm, but there was something in his gaze that always set me on fire. I smiled weakly at him, feeling like the edges of the world were melting away. He whispered in my ear, "You're beautiful."

His voice—low and smooth—sent a shiver down my spine. I leaned back into him, craving more of that warmth, that touch that made me feel alive. We didn't speak much after that, just drifted through the moments like we had all the time in the world, like the world was ours to lose.

We made our way to the hot tub in his zen room. The water rippled around us as we slid in, the heat wrapping us in a bubble of relaxation. I stared at him—deep into his eyes—and I felt the weight of everything I'd been trying to keep at bay hit me all at once. The way my heart raced whenever I was around him, the way his presence filled every crack inside me that I didn't even know was there.

He raised an eyebrow, catching me staring, and asked, "What?"

I bit my lip, unsure if I should say it. But then, the words just spilled out, like I had no control. "I think I love you."

The second the words left my mouth, I knew they couldn't be taken back. And the thing was, I had meant them. It wasn't just the drugs. It wasn't just the moment. It was real—this raw feeling that had been creeping up on me for God knows how long. This feeling of wanting to give up everything for him, of finding joy in his joy. It scared the hell out of me. My heart raced in a way that made me feel both alive and terrified.

But Emrys—he didn't react. Not a smile, not a frown, just nothing. He took a slow sip of his wine, his expression unreadable. Then he leaned back in the tub, spreading his arms out along the edge and tilting his head up toward the ceiling, like my confession had floated away on the steam rising from the water.

I stared at him, my mind spinning, unsure of what to make of his silence. I didn't expect him to say the words back—hell, I wasn't sure I even wanted him to. But I expected something. A nod. A look. Anything. But he gave me nothing.

I felt a knot of embarrassment forming in my stomach. The shrooms were making me extra sensitive, and suddenly, I felt exposed, like I had ripped open my chest and showed him something he wasn't ready to see, something he didn't want to see.

I shifted uncomfortably in the water, biting my lip, trying to figure out how to make it less awkward. But Emrys was pretending like it hadn't even happened. He was so calm, so collected. It was like I hadn't just spilled my heart to him.

The silence was loud. I wanted to say something, maybe backtrack or laugh it off, but the words were stuck in my throat. I watched him, his eyes still closed, his face serene as if he hadn't just heard the most vulnerable thing I'd ever said. I wasn't sure if I had ruined everything between us, but the weight of that thought pressed down on me, making the water feel heavier around me.