Tayvis Oneshots

More than sad

Trigger warnings: self harm, blades, blood, scars, panic attack.

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TAYLOR POV
I couldn't do this anymore. I've been getting worse mentally and physically. I haven't been eating enough, partially because of gross comments and my appetite is hardly existent when my mind is constantly spiraling like crazy.

I haven't told any of this to Travis. None of it.

-

This morning I wake up, lying on his chest. I felt anxious from the second I opened my eyes, like something bad was destined to happen in my life, it already has.

I needed to feel something, I needed to feel some sort of physical pain, I needed this to feel good.

I bolted into the bathroom, hopefully Travis couldn't wake up to a suspicious empty bed, and I rushed to the bathroom.

I found my pink razor sitting on the edge of the bathtub, and removed the blade inside of it. I wasn't new to doing this either.

I took the blade to my left wrist and slashed it twice. I felt the sharp metal go into my wrist, and leave a deep bloody cut.

And then I heard a knock at the door. Fuck.

"Hey baby, you alright?" I heard Travis's voice at the door.

I couldn't tell him, at least not now. So what did I do? I made an excuse.

"I'm fine, just brushing my teeth." I mumbled as I muffled my voice so it sounded like I was actually brushing my teeth.

"Oh okay. I need to grab my towel for practice, can I come in?" He asked.

I was completely fucked. If I said no, he'd be suspicious. If I opened the door, well, he'd see blood all over the counter.

"Uh yeah, just a sec." I mumbled as I used some tissues to clean the blood up as quick as humanly possible as I shoved my razor blade under the sink cabinets, praying he wouldn't look there.

I opened the door as casually as I could, acting like I wasn't intentionally hurting myself. But I was scared it might've been obvious, my eyes were red from crying.

"Hey." I mumbled quietly.

"Show me your wrists." He demanded. Fuck.

"Why?" I tried to play dumb, but he unfortunately wasn't buying it.

"I said, show me your wrists." He repeated himself.

"No." I said firmly.

"Taylor." He said, his voice clear and deep.

I tried to run away, but when he's half a foot taller than me and double my weight, I didn't have a very good chance of escaping.

"Honey..." he said as he pulled down the sleeves of my hoodie, which where now stained a deep maroon color.

"I'm sorry! I didn't mean too" I said, bursting into tears, collapsing in his lap.

"What? Baby, don't apologize." He said, his voice filled with genuine care.

"I.. I just needed to feel something." I said, because this was one of the very few things that made me feel alive.

"Don't apologize babygirl. First, how about you let me get these cuts cleaned up, how does sound? I don't want them getting infected." He explained.

I didn't move.

I was aware everything he was doing was to help me, but I was afraid he was going to see some older scars, I've never told him that I was doing this, I just one day started doing and I couldn't stop, I was almost addicted to it.

"Sweetheart? Can you come to the bathroom with me?" He asked, holding his hand out.

I knew somehow regardless if I went willingly or not, he'd get me there. So I gave up trying, just like everything else, and shamefully followed him into the brightly lit bathroom.

"Can I move this?" He asked, gesturing to my sleeve, I nodded slowly.

He began to run the cut under lukewarm water, the dark blood swirling down the drain slowly.

He dug through the drawers, grabbing a box of bandaids, which just so happened to have cute icons of kittens on them. It was a small thing, but it brought a temporary smile to my face.

"Here." He smiled, gently placing the bandages over the lines on my wrist.

"Thanks." Is the only word I could manage to squeak out.

"You're very welcome." He responded, but I knew that's phrase would be followed up with questions about why I did what I did.

"So, do you wanna tell me how long this whole thing has been going on for?" He asked, gesturing to the whole self-harming situation.

"Uhm, well, it's been off and on for years, but recently it's been worse, a lot worse." I admitted.

"Do you know why you do it? Or does it just kinda happen?" He asked.

"I don't know." I quietly mumbled, my eyes getting watery.

"That's okay, sometimes it's okay to not know that yet. Do you wanna keep talking about it? Or should we come back to this conversation later?" He asked, I immediately knew my response to his question.

"Later, please." I begged, and then my stomach growled, perfect timing.

"Okay. How about we get some food in your belly, yeah?" He said, picking me up like a toddler and carried me downstairs.

The truth was I was hungry and was willing to eat, so I didn't fight it. 

"Dino nuggets? Cereal? A smoothie?" He asked, naming some of my go-to comfort snacks.

"Dino nuggets?" I requested, he nodded as he got them set up in the air fryer.

"Thank you for taking care of me today." I said, because who knows where I'd be without him, or if I'd even be here.

"Of course sweetheart. Is there anything else you want?" He offered, I shook my head.

"You sure?" He said, and then a thought popped into my mind, I desperately wanted cuddles and relaxing tv show.

"Cuddles and greys?" I suggested, he smiled, probably assuming that would've been my answer.

Shortly later the chicken was done, so we made our way to the couch. I sat in between his legs as I ate.

Once I finished my food, I drifted off a little bit. I was still awake enough to understand my surroundings, I could hear the show playing in the background lol, but my eyes were shut. Sort of like I was in between sleeping and being conscious.

"Sweet dreams babygirl." Travis said, shifting my body so I could be more comfortable.

"I love you." I said, it was muffled because I was on the brink of falling asleep though.

"Me too baby, me too." He smiled back, pressing a kiss onto my head.

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