No Broken-hearted girl (Crushing Hard Series Book 2)

Dear Diary:08/04/2013

Wednesday evening

Today was a nightmare. I’m talking full-on, car-crash, slow-motion chaos. It all started when Kevin and I were deep in one of our usual bicker-fests. You know, the kind where we can’t decide if we’re mad at each other or just trying to one-up the other for fun. Anyway, Kevin said something that rubbed me the wrong way—no idea what it was now, because my brain went straight into "rage black-out" mode. Without thinking, I chucked my pencil case at him—flirtation 101, right? I’ve done it a million times. But this time? This time, Kevin caught it. Mid-air. Like some kind of Matrix stunt double.

I’ll admit, I was impressed for a hot second. I mean, the reflexes on this man? But then, to my absolute horror, he tossed the pencil case right out the door. Like he was swatting away a fly or something. I could've died. Right there in that seat.

The lecturer, bless her heart, stopped mid-lecture and gave us that "I’m not paid enough for this" look, and the whole room went silent. Every. Single. Person. was staring. At us. At me. My face was so hot I thought it was going to catch fire. I wanted the ground to swallow me whole, but of course, it didn't. It just left me hanging there, stewing in my own embarrassment.

And then, out of nowhere, Philani—Philani, the peanut gallery's main act—pipes up. He’s been watching Kevin and me argue like it's his favorite soapie. He’s also the self-appointed referee of our mess, always siding with Kevin, although Kevin always tells him to butt out whenever he tries to intervene. I think he gets a kick out of watching us go at it.

“Can you guys just fuck and get it over with?” he yelled, loud enough to make my ancestors blush. There was some laughter from my classmates. I nearly choked on my own mortification. I’m talking straight-up, red-alert embarrassment. I wanted to hurl myself out of the nearest window. Instead, I just sat there, staring at the front of the class, trying to pretend I hadn’t heard him. But, of course, I had. I heard and watched through my peripheral vision.

“Why do you guys fight anyway?” I heard Philani ask Kevin, completely unaware that I could hear everything.

Kevin got all defensive, like he always does. “We don’t fight,” he muttered like he wasn’t the co-captain of this argument ship.

Philani snorted—snorted, like he was some kind of wise old sage. “You do, man. You like her, and she likes you—”

“She doesn’t like me! She treats me like shit!” Kevin retorted, with the most wounded-puppy expression I’ve ever seen in my life. Like, okay, dramatic much?

Philani, not missing a beat, went, “So do you!” which, honestly, thank you. At least someone saw what was going on."You guys flirt in your weird way. Why do you even—” His voice dropped to a whisper, and I couldn’t catch what he said next.

Philani tore into Kevin, demanding to know what was going on between us. But then, Kevin lost it. Like, full-blown meltdown. “IT'S Personal! I don't want to talk about personal things!” he shouted, sounding like a man on the edge. He might as well have thrown himself on the floor and started banging his fists like a toddler in a supermarket. A few people glanced up towards Philani and Kevin with interest.

I was shocked. Kevin was always so cool, so unaffected. Why on earth would questions about me and him bring about such a visceral reaction from him?

Philani, being Philani, just raised an eyebrow and asked, “How is talking about Thandeka personal?” with the smugness of someone who knew he was right.

And then came the silence. You know that kind of silence where the whole universe seems to hold its breath? Yeah. That. Kevin mumbled something about it being "just personal" and shrank into his chair, defeated.

And me? I was on cloud nine. Floating. Drifting. Loving every minute of this ridiculous scene, because somewhere in all that shouting, it became crystal clear that Kevin was hiding something. Something big. And that something might just be feelings.

I was still basking in the glow of all that potential when class finally ended. Kevin stormed out, obviously humiliated, and one of his friends followed, grinning like he’d just watched the season finale of the best drama series ever.

But Philani? Oh, he wasn’t done. Nope. He strolled over to me like he was about to drop some life-changing wisdom.

“He wants you,” he said, and I swear he had a twinkle in his eye, like this was the plot twist he’d been waiting for all season. “You guys might actually have something real—a real connection. I mean, he snapped at me about how he can get any black girl he wants, and I can’t get a white girl... whatever that’s about. But you? You really like him.”

I denied it, of course. Denied it like it was the last defense I had. “No. Nope. Absolutely not,” I said, shaking my head so hard I thought it might fall off. Because admitting I liked Kevin? Yeah, no. Denial was my only option

As I made my way to computer class and I noticed that Kevin's car was gone from its parking space. He had been so upset about whatever Philani had said, that he had actually left! 

But the universe wasn’t done messing with me. Later, during another lecture, Philani made some joke, and I was laughing so hard I accidentally hit him on the arm and called him Kevin. KEVIN. Philani’s grin? Smug. He was loving every second of it.

“You really like him,” he said, practically cackling at this point.

And honestly? Maybe I do. But I’m not about to admit that out loud. Not yet anyway.

Xoxo