God Idol Project: Hope [GIPH]

Chapter 15: Debut Evaluation Stage (2)

I could feel eyes locking onto every little movement I made. A strange exhilaration surged through me. Ah, so this is why people can't let go of the stage.

However, it was frustrating, even painful, that I couldn't fully control my body. I couldn't be sure if I was executing a simple move like dragging my foot as intended. I needed to keep in time with the beat, but I wasn't sure if I was doing so. It felt as though I was being controlled like a marionette. Judging from the reactions, though, it seemed I hadn't made any major mistakes yet.

Singing was the opposite. Ever since I inherited Hyun-oh hyung's voice, there were moments when I was startled by it myself. I had lived so long with a terrible voice that I was more familiar with silence. But now, my voice felt like a natural extension of myself. What in the world was happening?

⋆｡♪ I wouldn't know whether this was luck
or misfortune until the stage was over.
Are you ready to become an adult? Ask me anything.
Then I would answer like this. Of course, why not?
It's fine if you back down. I won't force you.
What's more important is that we become adults together,
leaping across the gap between a boy and a man.
I'll come to you, and we'll greet the morning together.
Standing on that precarious borderline,
the real me, who has now become a man. ⋆｡♪

I was nearing the end of the song. My legs were weakening, and I was running out of breath. Just hold on a little longer. I gritted my teeth and continued singing and dancing.

⋆｡♪ The borderline between boy and man, the borderline between you and me.
Look forward to the borderline, the me after this. ⋆｡♪

I struck my ending pose confidently, tilting my chin upward with an air of pride. I held the pose for about three seconds, looking meaningfully at the camera with a subtle smile. Though I was out of breath, I maintained a calm and collected demeanor. I wanted to preserve the mood of the stage to the very end.

One of the elements you mustn't forget during a music show is the ending pose. That brief moment when the camera zooms in after the song leaves a lasting impression on the fans.

When I was repeatedly told to treat this as a real performance, I had spent time pondering what my ending pose should be. I had even practiced it in secret, only to be teased when I got caught. But on this stage, I felt no embarrassment.

If I could become an "ending fairy" and get closer to my dream, I'd do it a hundred, a thousand times.

I bowed deeply and stepped off the stage.

Whether it was luck or skill, I had safely finished my performance.

Finally, it was over.

That was the only thought on my mind as I returned to the waiting room. I just wanted to go home quickly. It felt as though I had wrung out every last drop of energy I had.

Moreover, the unfamiliar state of concentration had drained me mentally. It wouldn't have been surprising if I collapsed right then and there.

I quickly packed my things and made my way to the audience. I must have been slow because all the performances were already over.

The CEO stood in the center, declaring the end of the debut evaluation stage. He thanked the industry professionals and families who had attended, and then gave a few words to the trainees.

"Good job, everyone. I'm sure you've all been practicing hard, losing sleep along the way. Tomorrow is a day off. Spend it resting and with your families, and let's meet again the day after."

He said the evaluation results would be compiled and delivered to each of us later, so we could relax for now. I was glad that tomorrow was Sunday and that I could truly rest.

The trainees' families greeted each other warmly, as if they were comrades in arms. But I had no energy left for socializing.

I walked over to my mom and quietly said, "Mom, I'll head to the car first. I'm really tired."

"...Iwon, you! Sigh, let's talk later. Let's just head home quickly."

As soon as my parents saw my face, they immediately knew what state I was in. There was no fooling their sharp intuition, honed over 17 years of raising me. I quickened my pace and headed to the parking lot where the car was. As soon as I opened the car door, I felt my tension release, and I collapsed onto the back seat, lying down.

"Iwon!"

˚˖✧✧✧˚.

After my mom opened the car door, my memory went blank. Did I collapse there? I had caused a real scene.

The unfamiliar smell of disinfectant. It seemed I wasn't at home but in a hospital. I cautiously opened my eyes and saw my mom and dad by my side, keeping watch. They must have been so worried.

Sensing my faint movements, my mom asked, "Iwon, are you awake? Are you okay?"

"...Yes, I feel much better now. I'm sorry for worrying you."

"When you collapsed so suddenly, I was scared out of my mind. I've never been that frightened before."

For my usually composed mom to say something like that, it must mean that my dad, who was more sensitive, may have even cried. I glanced at him, and sure enough, his eyes were red.

"The doctor said you're suffering from overwork, lack of sleep, and stress, which caused the fever. We knew becoming an idol would be hard, but seeing you hurt yourself like this... For the first time, I wondered if I should have opposed your dream."

"This is all my fault. I'm so sorry for worrying you. It won't happen again."

How foolish I had been—failing to manage my condition out of sheer greed and collapsing, making them worry like this. I had crossed my limits recklessly, not knowing when to stop.

"...Even if we tried to stop you, you wouldn't listen, would you? Let's see how you feel after resting here in the hospital until tomorrow and decide from there."

"Mom, Dad, I'm going to sleep the whole day tomorrow. Please go home and rest."

"Still, shouldn't one of us stay with you and take care of you?"

"There are professionals at the hospital, and it's just the flu. It's not a big deal. If you both stay here and sleep uncomfortably, I'll feel even more uncomfortable."

After continued persuasion, my parents finally headed home. Only then did I feel completely at ease.

The more my parents worried about me, the more guilt I felt. Even if my condition had been at its worst, I wouldn't have given up on the debut evaluation.

Even if someone had told me I'd collapse and make my parents worry, I would have still given my all on stage.

"Oh, I should message Seohon-hyung and Oran too."

Seohon-hyung was probably worried sick, wondering why I disappeared right after the evaluation. Oran, on the other hand, would pretend not to care but would secretly be curious about my condition.

Chuckling softly, I rummaged through my things to find my phone.

「I'm resting well. Just wanted to let you know so you don't worry.」

I sent the message, and true to their personalities, I received different replies:

「I'm glad^^ Thanks for letting me know! Rest up, and see you the day after tomorrow. (waving dog emoji)」

「Just rest.」

Things had turned out well. If I had collapsed in the middle of the performance, it would've been a disaster.

The very thought of it made me shudder. I was grateful for the luck that allowed me to complete the evaluation safely.

I vowed never to put myself in such a dangerous situation again.

˚˖✧✧✧˚.

I spent a night in the hospital and rested thoroughly until the afternoon before being discharged. My condition had completely returned to normal, as if I had never been sick. I even felt refreshed, as though my body had become lighter.

The sleep deprivation must have really weakened my immune system. After getting some proper rest, I realized how light my body usually felt.

My parents were insistent that I not overdo it, reminding me constantly. I understood that I would be overprotected for a while. It was my own doing, and I had to accept it as karma.

After stopping by school, I headed to the agency with Chorok-hyung. The other male trainees all seemed unusually drained. It felt awkward to even ask why they looked so worn out.

"Did something happen to them?"

"They all seem to have lost their motivation. It's like they're experiencing burnout."

It seemed similar to the feeling of having burned everything down to ashes.

"Maybe they'll be like this until the results come out. They're probably too restless to focus."

I understood their feelings, but we still had a long way to go. I couldn't afford to slack off either.

I quickly made my way to the vocal practice room according to the schedule. I wanted to check that sense of unity I had felt on stage. At the hospital, I had been confined to bed, unable to confirm it right away.

Even after being discharged, my parents' watchful eyes kept me from singing.

"Hello."

"Hey, did you get enough rest yesterday?"

There were five of us in the class, so I warmed up my voice while waiting for my turn. When I finished singing a song I often used for practice, the vocal trainer pulled up a chair and sat closer.

"Did you hit a turning point, Iwon? How did you change like this?"

"Something just felt different during the debut evaluation."

"Maybe it's because you experienced a live stage. Before, I thought your vocal skills were nearly perfect and that there wasn't much room for improvement. But now, you've grown on your own."

"What exactly has changed?"

"Your voice has developed more flavor. It really sticks to the listener's ear."

It wasn't just my imagination. Hearing confirmation of the change made me incredibly happy.

I was proud that I had managed to evolve the gift I had received from Hyun-oh hyung. I basked in the praise.

"But now I'm more at a loss. How do I teach someone who's growing on their own?"

The vocal trainer gave me a troubled look as I continued grinning from ear to ear.

"Maybe you're ready to graduate."

"Even if it's just a little, if I keep practicing, I can improve bit by bit, right?"

"I'm just joking. I've got to work as hard as I'm paid. Let's work on your lower range. Do you remember the stage the other day? The audience reacted more to your low notes than your high ones."

"Honestly, I don't remember much..."

Hyun-oh hyung's vocal cords allowed him to hit high notes effortlessly, and his low notes were equally strong.

But when it came to extreme low notes, I felt uneasy. I figured that practicing scales and descending exercises would expand my vocal range.

I suspected that this phenomenon had to do with my original vocal cords. It also explained why my speaking voice was lower than Hyun-oh hyung's.

My voice had been much lower before. I used to hate it because it gave me chills, but I was more comfortable with my lower range.

Maybe I had unconsciously been trying to produce a sound I was more familiar with. Or maybe the muscles in my vocal cords, along with other factors, were more attuned to the lower register. It could also be that my natural attitude was more suited to low notes than high ones.

There were too many variables to draw a conclusion, but I didn't mind developing my own unique sound. After all, I wasn't just borrowing Hyun-oh hyung's voice—I was moving forward, little by little.

I continued practicing scales with my vocal trainer, taking it slow.

˚˖✧✧✧˚.

It was after 11 p.m., during free practice time. I opened the door to the practice room I usually used. Inside were Park-ha, Ji-on, and Oran, who had arrived before me.

"Iwon hyung! I thought my neck would stretch from waiting for you!"

"Why?"

With the busy schedule over, I didn't think there was anything that required my presence. As always, the energetic extrovert Park-ha was full of life.

"What do you mean, why?! I've been dying to praise your performance! Why did you leave right after it ended?"

"Uh, I was tired...?"

"How much energy did you put into the stage? But yeah, anyone who saw the performance would understand."

"Were the reactions good? I did my best, but I couldn't check the audience's reaction."

I hadn't had the energy to focus on anything else. Dancing and singing had taken all I had.

"Good? You should've seen the audience's reaction. It was insane."

"...What?"

"I couldn't sit with the family section, so I ended up in the guest section. But every time you moved, the whole area was buzzing, and people were practically screaming. If I had a little sister, she would've fallen for you right then. You totally planned this, didn't you? Iwon hyung, you're sneaky."

I knew there was some response, but I hadn't realized it was that intense. I must have been more out of it than I thought.

"What do you mean I planned it?"

"I know everything. That wasn't your original styling, right? Why did you suddenly show up with hair that looked freshly washed and your eyes all red and teary? Explain that!"