God Idol Project: Hope [GIPH]

Chapter 16: Reflection Gathering

"Moist? Reddish...?"

"Is that so?"

"You didn't see it? Liar!"

"Park Ha, humans can't naturally see their own eyes because of how the body is structured."

Unless I had a mirror, there was no way I could see my own eyes. Now that I think about it, they might have been teary from the pain. I had wet my head myself, but moist eyes(?) definitely weren't my intention.

"Look at him making excuses. Brother, even if you look at me with that innocent face, it won't work! I've found out you were plotting!"

Even though I knew Park Ha always overreacted on purpose, I didn't mind. It felt... nice, actually.

Ah, this kind of moment is so important when it comes to appealing to an audience. I realized that again.

"What's that proverb again? I learned it before... uh, something like, 'a clean cat climbs on the stove first?'"

Stove...? Does that even make sense?
"Ugh! Why are you like that too, Jion? It's supposed to be the 'kitchen stove'!"

Park Ha beat his chest with frustration. Jion kept repeating the phrase "kitchen stove" until he remembered it.

Park Ha didn't even bother looking at him as he scolded him. He's pretty nonchalant in his own way too.

"You guys are driving me crazy. What are you talking about? Plotting? Weren't you sick that day?"

Ah! I forgot I told Hong Oran to keep that quiet. Since it was all in the past, I thought it'd be okay to brush it off like nothing.

"You were sick? Where? Are you okay now? Why didn't I know?"

"Just a cold. I'm fine now. I didn't want to worry you."

"Oh, so that's why you left early... I thought you didn't want to meet my family. I almost felt hurt."

"Of course not. I'll formally greet them next time."

It seemed like the conversation was wrapping up on a warm note. But there was still one more person who didn't know about the day I was sick. That person was Chorok hyung.

He had just come into the practice room and hadn't been aware of the situation. He only found out now because of Oran's bombshell revelation.

Chorok hyung is pretty strict about things like this....

"Iwon-ah."

Please, don't speak so seriously. Chorok hyung, who always had a smile, suddenly became stern, and it was terrifying. Is this why they say kind people are scarier when they're angry?

"...Sorry. You told me not to overdo it, but I didn't listen."

"You know what that guy from the previous class said? He called you stubborn. I asked him why, and he said it was because when he came back to the company early in the morning after dropping off his things, he found you practicing alone."

There was no escaping it this time. With a witness, I couldn't deny anything.

"You pretended to leave with us and then came back to practice, didn't you?"

"......"

Oh no... The others had found out about my actions as well.

Oran rubbed his temples as if he had a headache, Park Ha gasped in shock, and Jion shook his head. Seohon hyung stood awkwardly in the middle.

"You can't do that. If you weren't sick, you would've kept going like that, right? I know this might seem like unnecessary meddling, but I have to say it. As someone who shares the same dream, I'm worried for you. What if you lose your health? It could really be over then."

"I know, I'm sorry."

"Debuting isn't the end. Even after debuting, we'll need to keep dancing and singing for years, maybe even decades. Can you handle that if your body is in ruins? I understand your desperation, but you have to set limits. And this time..."

I got scolded for quite a while and reflected hard on my mistake. I didn't mind, though, because it meant Chorok hyung cared about me. I even started to feel a bit happy. Am I just imagining things?

"Did you properly reflect?"

"Yeah, I won't do it again."

"If you were my younger brother, I would've knocked some sense into you."

Chorok hyung, who had been scolding me, suddenly sighed, wondering why he felt worse than I did. Then he got up, brushing off his pants.

Seohon hyung chimed in, saying I must have learned my lesson. Park Ha was clinging to Chorok hyung, chattering away to lighten his mood. As the one who caused all this, I quietly clasped my hands and behaved.

"Haha."

Next to me, Oran subtly teased me with a crooked smile. I couldn't say a word in my defense since I was clearly in the wrong.

Just wait and see.

"Chorok, even my mom doesn't nag this much."

Jion fanned the flames, but if this kept up, I'd be the one to suffer. Before Chorok hyung could get any angrier, I quickly stepped in.

"Actually, today we were planning to have a reflection gathering while practicing lightly, but I guess we ended up making Iwon reflect instead."

"Oh, a reflection gathering for the debut evaluation stage?"

"Yeah. But I think we need to have a more serious discussion before that."

Although we wouldn't know the results for another week, we couldn't help but worry.

If I don't make it into the debut group, should I keep training, switch agencies, or give up on the dream entirely?

"If a boy group debuts next year, we'll be five years behind SEED seniors, right? Considering the five-year gap between debuts at our company, it's not an easy decision. Even if we don't make it this time, who knows what'll happen in the future? I'd appreciate it if you could help me figure out what to do. I don't have anyone else to talk to."

Chorok hyung was the first to speak honestly.

Now that the evaluation stage was over, there wasn't much we could do.

We practiced mechanically, but as human beings, our minds were uneasy. So we decided to discuss various what-if scenarios. It was better to come to a conclusion and move forward with a clear mind.

Chorok hyung had skipped all his school classes to focus on his life as a trainee. If the debut happened five years later, Chorok hyung would be twenty-five.

"Honestly, I think you should keep going, Chorok. You're the best when it comes to dancing. Plus, since you can choreograph, if things don't work out, you could always become a choreographer."

As Seohon hyung said, Chorok hyung had a lot of talent in dance. It seemed natural for him to pursue a career in that field. "Choreographer Nam Chorok" had a nice ring to it.

"But Chorok, would you be satisfied just choreographing for others?"

"Hah... no. You really know me too well, hyung."

For the first time in a while, I was reminded that Seohon hyung was older than Chorok hyung. Chorok hyung, who had a stronger passion for dancing than anyone else, quickly concluded that he couldn't stand just watching others perform his choreography without showcasing it himself.

"Me? I could move to another agency, but no matter what, I'm not giving up on my dream. I'm still attending college, so I'm preparing for the worst."

"Your grades are a mess, though, aren't they, Seohon hyung? And you say that with a straight face!"

In an effort to lighten the mood, Park Ha quipped at Seohon hyung, leading to a brief back-and-forth between the two.

Seohon hyung was studying directing in the theater and film department at one of the most prestigious universities, a fact I only just found out. He had been a child actor, and his future didn't seem too uncertain, even if he couldn't achieve his dream.

"Debut group? Even if I don't make it, I'm a rapper at heart."

Jion had applied for 'Show Me the Gold 3' and had made a name for himself in the hip-hop scene. Even though his parents were Korean, he had just returned from England, and his Korean was a bit awkward when he rapped back then. He believed that's why he got a low score.

In my opinion, Jion, or Jeton as he called himself, was a solid rapper. His multilingual ability gave him an exceptional grasp of language, and that's why his delivery was so unique, and he created rhymes in such an interesting way. Of course, we couldn't leave out his charming deep voice. Regardless of whether it was true, not many people had the confidence that Jion did. His self-esteem was through the roof.

"I've never considered giving up since the day I decided to become an idol. Six years is a long time, though..."

Since the moment I resolved to become an idol, giving up was never an option. At my words, Park Ha looked like he wanted to add something but kept quiet.

"For me, I've staked everything on this. If I don't make it this time, I'm done."

Oran's shocking statement froze the room.

Based on the rumors I'd heard, Oran had been working desperately to become an idol, so his decision came as a surprise.

Park Ha immediately reacted.

"Oran hyung, didn't you even get plastic surgery because you wanted to debut as an idol?"

"You don't get it. Life's easier when you're good-looking, idol or not. Even if I didn't want to be an idol, I would've still done it."

"Hyung, that's..."

It was hard to respond, and a silence fell over the room.

Finally, it was Park Ha's turn to break the silence.

"Hmm! Nobody thinks I'm going to give up, right? Eleven years as a trainee? Just imagining that is terrifying. But I've got nothing else to rely on. It's this or nothing for me."

Park Ha's family wasn't very wealthy. I could tell just by picking up on certain cues. It must have been difficult to pursue a dream for so long in such circumstances.

It was a reckless choice, but at the same time, it made him seem even more remarkable.

As the atmosphere grew heavier again, Park Ha tried to lighten things up with his usual cheery voice.

"But honestly, from what I see, everyone's worrying for no reason! If I were picking the debut group from the trainees, I'd pick everyone here! Even without any bias, objectively speaking!"

"Agreed. I don't know why we're stressing out. I just said that because... well, I'm not sure."

It seemed there had been some miscommunication. Park Ha and Jion seemed convinced that everyone in the room would be selected for the debut group.

"If you've got eyes, there's no way you'd drop us."

Surprisingly, Oran agreed.

I hadn't been in the best condition, so I hadn't seen the others' debut evaluation performances, but it seemed everyone had done well.

I was relieved. They were certainly talented. When I saw their monthly evaluations, their skills were clearly above average. They likely aced the personality tests too, so it was pretty much a given they'd make it.

"Were we just worrying for nothing? As embarrassing as it sounds, I really hope so."

I wanted to believe that we were just overthinking things. I was probably the most nervous one here. During my solo performance, I had lost track of my movements because of a strange feeling. My body hadn't been in good condition, and on top of that, I had moved too intensely. If I had to pay the price for it, so be it. I could only blame myself.

My stomach churned with anxiety, but I didn't want to let the others sense it. They had finally regained some hope and energy, and I didn't want to bring them down.

"Well, has everyone made peace with things? Let's get back to practice."

At Chorok hyung's words, we lined up in formation in front of the mirror. The music started, and with noticeably brighter expressions, everyone threw themselves into the dance.

"Let's have an after-party tonight... well, actually, tomorrow!"

Even while panting for breath, Park Ha yelled.

"The other day, we were going to do it, but we postponed it because Iwon hyung wasn't there. You have to come this time!"

If I refused, Park Ha looked ready to threaten me, so I quickly agreed to attend and then asked,

"Why tomorrow and not today?"

"Because! We're doing it at 1 AM!"

Even when Oran scolded him for arbitrarily deciding the time, Park Ha didn't back down. Seohon hyung, Chorok hyung, and Jion didn't respond, probably used to this kind of thing.

"Get it together! You're going to hurt yourselves! Park Ha Jun! Hong Oran! Are you slacking off just because the evaluation is over?"

"No."

"No, sir! Sorry, Chorok drill sergeant!"

Familiar with the noisy background, I let my mind drift off.

In about two weeks, the results would come out....

The debut evaluation would be based on two things: idol skills and personality.

Since finishing the stage evaluation, I'd been worried about my dancing. How could I not be? Something unexpected had happened during the performance.

But I hadn't worried much about the personality evaluation.

If we define personality as one's thoughts, attitude, and behavior, then I was pretty normal. As long as I didn't have a bad personality, I figured I'd be fine.

Most people rarely reflect on their own personality, and I wasn't one of those rare cases.

What I didn't realize, though, was that it wasn't my dance performance that would hold me back. It was the personality evaluation, the part I had so casually dismissed.