Twisted Hate

11

God was punishing me for wrongs I'd committed in my pastlife. That was the only explanation I could think of for whyI'd been subjected to my predicament.Josh and I both refused to back down and take the couch,so we were stuck in the same room, the same bed, for thenext two nights. A gentleman would've offered to sleepelsewhere, but Josh wasn't a gentleman. He was the spawn ofSatan...one who was currently staring at me with narrowedeyes as I tried to finesse my way out of skiing."You guys go ahead," I told Ava, making a pointed effortto ignore Josh's suspicious gaze. "I just remembered I leftsomething at the cabin.""You sure? I can go with you.""Nah. We already wasted enough time with the roomsituation, and I might hang in the lodge for a bit first." Iwaved a breezy hand in the air. "You go ahead. I'll be fine.""Okay." Ava sounded doubtful. "We'll be here."I held my breath and waited until Alex and Avadisappeared on the ski lifts before releasing it. A prickle ofanxiety wormed in its way into my system as I eyed the vastexpanse of snow before me.I didn't think I would be this affected, considering it'dbeen seven years since my last ski weekend, but that trip hadspawned so many awful memories. Plus, there was the tape—Don't go there."What the hell did you leave at the cabin?" Joshinterrupted my reverie. For someone who'd been so excitedabout skiing, he didn't seem in much of a hurry to hit theslopes.He was fully decked out in top-of-the-line ski gear—black pants, a blue jacket that stretched across his broadshoulders, and ski goggles he'd pushed up so they sat on topof his gray cap. The outfit lent him a rugged, athletic charmthat had half the woman in the vicinity eyeing him withinterest."I left my phone." I shoved my hands in my pockets andgripped the phone nestled at the bottom of the right pocket."You had it in your hand on our walk here."Dammit. "Why are you so concerned with what I leftbehind?" I deflected. "Don't you have a black diamond toattend to?""Triple black diamond," Josh corrected. "And I'm workingmy way up to it.""Well, don't let me stop you."His gaze turned assessing. "Wait," he said slowly, hiseyes raking over my form in a way that made my skin itch."Do you know how to ski?""Of course I do." Josh's eyebrows rose further asmonuments to his skepticism, and I added grudgingly,"Depending on how you define know."My ex-boyfriend Max taught me during that weekendwhen I was eighteen. I hadn't touched a pair of skis since.The anxiety expanded and ate at my nerves, but thatdidn't stop me from glaring at Josh when he burst intolaughter.Instead of dignifying his mockery with a response, Iturned and stalked away the best I could in my stupid skiboots. Angry puffs of snow sprayed up with each step."C'mon Jules. You love me, right?" Max kissed me andsqueezed my ass. "If you loved me, you'd do this for me. For us.""It's for security reasons, babe. In case he decides to presscharges.""I promise I'll never show anyone."Sweat trickled down my spine at the memories, but Iforced them back into the box where they belonged beforethey could replay further. I'd already lived them once; Ididn't need to do so again."Wait." Josh caught up with me, still laughing. The soundchased off the vestiges of my unwanted trip down memorylane, and for once, it didn't make me want to slap him,though the next words out of his mouth did. "You're tellingme you dressed up in a ski outfit, rented skis, and came allthe way down here...but you can't ski? Why the hell didn't yousay anything earlier? You could've signed up for lessons orsomething.""I thought I could wing it." It wasn't the best plan, but itwas a plan. Sort of."You thought you could wing skiing?"My cheeks blazed. "Obviously, I changed my mind.""Yeah, good thing you did, or you would've probablydied." Josh's laugh finally tapered off, but amusementlingered at the corners of his mouth and teased the dimplemaking a half appearance.My stomach dipped. I'd never faced genuine amusementfrom Josh before. His smile, absent of sarcasm andmaliciousness, was...disconcerting, even when it was only aquarter of a smile."I'm spending the rest of the day in the lodge, so don'tworry about me dying." I crossed my arms over my chest."Maybe I'll find a guy who can teach me how to ski.""Like the one you were eye fucking in the lobby?" heasked, his tone dry."Perhaps." I didn't deign to acknowledge the eye fuckingpart of Josh's statement. He seemed strangely fixated on mybrief interaction with a stranger, though the guy had beencute. Maybe I could track him down later. Flirting alwaysperked me up, and I could use some action that didn't comecourtesy of my hand or battery-operated friends.Josh rubbed a hand over his jaw, his brows tight and hischeekbones like slashes against the snowy background. "I'llteach you how to ski.""Right.""I'm serious."I paused, waiting for him to crack and gloat about howhe'd fooled me, and how I didn't really think he'd teach me,did I?But the moment never came."Why would you do that?" My stomach swooped lowagain for no reason. "What about your beloved triple blackdiamond?"Josh offering to help me made no sense, especially sincehe'd been going on about that freaking ski run all morning.If he taught me how to ski, we'd have to stick to thebeginner's bunny slope."I'm doing it because I'm a nice person. I love helping mysister's friends," Josh said smoothly. Right. And I was theQueen of fucking England. "Besides, skiing is skiing. Doesn'tmatter the slope.""I'm pretty sure that's not true." Even I, a novice, knewthat.Josh let out a long-suffering sigh. "Look, do you want tolearn or not?""I'll teach you how to ski." Max's teeth flashed white againsthis face. "Trust me. I won't let you fall."My chest knotted. I hated that Max still plagued me in thepresent when he should be rotting in the past, where hebelonged.Because of him, I hadn't gone skiing in seven years. It'dbeen an unconscious choice, but I hadn't realized how deepthe scars ran until now. Everything that reminded me of Maxmade me want to hurl, but maybe it was time to replacethose bad memories with new ones.I didn't want ski lessons from Josh, but I needed them.They would be a distraction, and when I got like this—whenmy mind couldn't stop obsessing over the past to the pointwhere I drove myself crazy—distractions were the onlylifeline I had."Fine." I rubbed the sleeve of my jacket between mythumb and forefinger, taking comfort in the sensation ofthick, sturdy material against my skin. "But if I die, I'll comeback as a ghost and haunt you until the day you die.""Noted. I'm surprised you don't know how to ski," hesaid as we walked toward the bunny slope. "Thought yougrew up near Blue Mills."Blue Mills was Ohio's most famous ski resort, and it waslocated less than an hour's drive from Whittlesburg, theColumbus suburb where I grew up."My family wasn't big on skiing." I zipped and unzippedthe top of my jacket to release some of the restless energypouring through my veins. "We didn't have the money for iteven if we were."I wanted to snatch back the accidental admission thesecond it left my mouth, but it was too late.A frown carved itself into Josh's forehead.He knew I'd attended Thayer undergrad on a need-basedscholarship, but what he and even my closest friends didn'tknow was how bad it'd been in the early years, before mymother married Alastair. And they sure as hell didn't knowhow much worse it got after she married him, even thoughAlastair had been the richest man in town."You don't talk much about your family." Josh skippedover the part about us not being able to afford skiing—a tinykindness I hadn't expected but was nonetheless grateful for."There's not much to talk about." I bit the inside of mycheek until a faint coppery taste filled my mouth. "Family isfamily. You know how it is."A shadow crossed his face, dimming the light in his eyesand erasing any trace of his dimple. "I don't think my familysituation is a common one."I suppressed a wince.Right. Psycho father who tried to kill Ava twice and whowas now serving life behind bars. Not common indeed.Michael Chen had seemed so normal, but the biggestmonsters always lurked beneath the most unsuspectingguises.Josh and I didn't speak again until we arrived at thebunny slope."We'll run through the basics first before going up thehill," he said. "Don't need you crashing into a poor child andtraumatizing them. Lucky for you, I'm an awesome teacher,so this shouldn't take too long.""Your hilarity is only matched by your modesty," Ideadpanned. "Okay, awesome teacher, let's see what you got.And remember." I pointed at him. "If I die, I'm hauntingyour ass for eternity."Josh placed a hand over his heart, a scandalizedexpression spreading across his face. Any hints of his earlierbrooding had disappeared. "JR, I'm shocked. There arechildren around. Try to keep your obsession with my assunder wraps until we return to our room."I mimed gagging. "Unless you want my vomit decoratingyour fancy ski suit, I suggest you stop talking and startteaching.""I can't teach without talking, genius.""Oh, shut up. You know what I mean."After another few minutes of bickering, we strapped onour skis and got down to business. I wasn't a total novice, soI picked up the basics quickly. In theory, anyway.I had the etiquette down pat, but we hit a tiny bump whenJosh ran me through a series of exercises designed to makeme more comfortable on skis."Shit!" Frustration welled in my stomach when my asshit the ground for what must've been the dozenth time.I didn't remember it being so hard the first time around. Iprided myself on being a fast learner, but we'd been at it forthe better part of the morning and I'd only marginallyimproved."Let's try again."To my surprise, Josh had remained calm during our entirelesson, never yelling or teasing me for not picking up whateleven-year-olds around us were accomplishing sospectacularly. Every time I messed up, he repeated the samethree words. Let's try again.For the first time, I saw what he must be like in theemergency room: cool, level-headed, patient. It wasstrangely comforting, though I'd never admit it."I don't think I'm built for skiing." I pushed myself offthe ground with a wince. "I propose we ditch the slopes forhot chocolate and people watching. We can guess who's herewith their mistress and who'll be the first to hook up with astaff member."The we slipped out without thinking. Since when did Ivoluntarily include Josh in my activities? But peoplewatching was no fun without someone to appreciate myinsights, and since Ava was preoccupied, her brother was myonly option.Josh walked toward me, his steps slow and precise, untilhe was so close I could smell the faint, delicious scent of hiscologne.I forced myself not to shift beneath the weight of hisscrutiny."We could do that," he said. "But that would be quitting.Are you a quitter, Jules?"My pulse kicked up at the sound of my name in that deep,slightly husky voice. Had he always sounded like that, or wasI going crazy? His voice used to pierce my eardrums likenails dragging across a chalkboard. Now, it was...Nope. Not going there."No." I held his stare even as another bead of sweat rolleddown my spine, leaving a trail of heat and electricity in itswake. "I'm not."The mere suggestion I was a quitter made my teethclench."Good," Josh said, still in that calm, even voice. "Tryagain."I did, again and again, until my muscles screamed andexhaustion clawed at my bones. But I would get the hang ofthis. I'd mastered harder things than skiing, and failurewasn't an option. I needed to prove to myself I could do this.My pride wouldn't allow anything else.All the torture finally paid off an hour later when Icompleted all the exercises without falling and Joshproclaimed me ready for the bunny slope."Good job." The corners of his mouth pulled up just thetiniest bit. "You caught on faster than most people."I narrowed my eyes, trying to detect any hint of sarcasm,but he sounded sincere.Huh.We walked to the top of the hill, where Josh gesturedtoward a spot in the distance."We'll take it easy," he said. "I'm going to stand there,and I want you to ski down and stop in front of me using thesnowplow. Do you need me to go over how to do it again?""No. I got it."My stomach jumped with nerves and anticipation as Joshtook his spot and motioned for me to join him.Here goes nothing.I took a deep breath and started my descent. I was going alittle faster than I should, given the short distance to Josh,but that was fine. I could just snowplow early.Honestly, this wasn't so bad. It was actually kind ofexhilarating—the wind in my face, the fresh mountain air,the smooth glide of my skis against the snow. It was nothinglike my weekend with Max. I might even—"Stop!"Josh's shout yanked me out of my rambling thoughts, andalarm kicked me in the gut when I realized how fast I wasspeeding toward him.Shit. I pushed the backs of my skis out to form an invertedV, the way he'd taught me, but it was too late. Velocitypropelled me faster and faster down the hill until—"Fuck!" I crashed into Josh with enough force to knockboth of us to the ground.My breath whooshed out of my lungs in a painful rush,and he let out an audible grunt as I landed on top of him, ourlimbs akimbo, snow spraying up and sprinkling us with tinywhite crystals."What part of stop don't you understand?" he growled,annoyance stamped on every inch of his face."I tried to stop," I said defensively. "It didn't work.""Obviously." Josh let out a small cough. "Christ, I thinkyou bruised my ribs.""Stop being dramatic. You're fine." Nevertheless, Iglanced down to make sure we weren't bleeding and that ourarms and legs weren't bent at unnatural angles. I couldn'tsee bruised ribs, but his face wasn't scrunched in pain oranything, so I assumed he wasn't dying."You could've killed me."I rolled my eyes. And people said I was a drama queen."It was a fall, Chen. You could've moved out of the way.""Somehow, I'm not surprised you're blaming me forsomething you did wrong. You're something else, JR.""Stop calling me JR." It was an inane argument to havewhile we were plastered together on the snow, but I was sofreaking sick of that nickname. Every time I heard it, I lost afraction of my sanity."Fine." The annoyance evaporated from Josh'sexpression and gave way to lazy mischief. "You'resomething else, Red.""Red. How creative," I said flatly. "I'm baffled by howyou come up with such unique and totally not obviousnicknames.""Didn't realize you spent so much time thinking aboutmy nicknames for you." Josh tugged on a lock of my hair, awicked gleam entering his eyes. "And I'm not calling youRed because of your hair color. I'm calling you Red becauseyou make me see red half the time. Plus, it rolls off thetongue better than JR."My answering smile contained enough sugar to give himdiabetes on the spot. "I can see how two syllables might betoo much for your puny brain to handle.""Babe, nothing about me is puny." Josh lowered his handand let it drift to my shoulder, where it lingered long enoughto sear through layers of fabric and into my bones.My breath caught in my throat. An unwitting mentalimage of his nothing flashed through my mind, and a hum ofelectricity surged through my blood, so swift and unexpectedI lost my words.For the first time in my life, I couldn't think of a singlecomeback.Instead, I was suddenly, painfully aware of how close wewere. I still lay on top of him from our fall, and our torsospressed so tight against each other I could feel his heartbeat—fast, erratic, and completely at odds with his languorousdrawl. The white plumes of our breaths mingled in the tinydistance between our faces, and a brief zing of surprisetraveled through me at the sight.Considering the tightness in my chest, I hadn't thought Iwas breathing at all.Josh's smile faded, but his hand remained on my shoulder—a whisper-light touch compared to his earlier hair tug, yetenough for me to feel it from the top of my head to the tipsof my toes.I licked my parched lips, and his eyes darkened beforedipping to my mouth.The hum of electricity transformed into a bolt oflightning, lighting me up from the inside.I should get off him. I needed to get off him before mythoughts wandered down even more disturbing paths, butthere was something so reassuring about the solid weight ofhis body beneath mine. He smelled like winter and heat allwrapped into one, and it was making me light-headed.It's just the mountain air. Get yourself together."Jules," he said softly."Yeah?" The word stuck in my throat before it came outall wrong. Weird and raspy and not at all like my normalvoice."On a scale of one to ten, how badly do you want to fuckme right now?"The moment shattered into a thousand pieces.My skin flamed as I shoved myself off him, making sureto jab my elbow into his face as I did so."Negative one thousand," I hissed. "Times infinity."Josh's laugh erased any goodwill he'd accrued during ourski lessons.I couldn't believe I thought he might be somewhattolerable. One semi-decent morning didn't change the facthe was the same insufferable, cocky ass he'd always been.The worst part was, he wasn't entirely wrong. There hadbeen a moment, just the briefest one, when I'd imaginedwhat his hands would feel like on my skin. What his mouthwould taste like, whether he liked it long and slow or fastand hard.A ball of angry embarrassment formed in my throat.Clearly, I needed to get laid, and fast, if I was fantasizingabout freaking Josh Chen."Methinks the lady doth protest too much." Josh pushedhimself up, his mouth curved into a smug grin even as hiseyes simmered with banked heat. The sight made me feelsomewhat better. At least I wasn't the only one affected byour proximity. "We can make it happen, you know. I'm nolonger opposed to the idea. Our relationship is progressing.""The only relationship we have is in your dreams." Iyanked my cap off and ran a hand through my tousled hair."We're done with lessons.""Quitter." The soft mockery prickled against my skin, butI didn't take the bait again."I'm not quitting. I'm postponing." I jutted out my chin."I'll sign up for real lessons with the resort tomorrow. MaybeI'll get the guy from the lobby as my instructor." Blond hair,eager smile, muscled body. Lobby Guy might as well have SkiBro stamped on his forehead. "I'm sure I'll actually enjoy mytime with him."Josh's grin took on a hard edge. "Whatever you need totell yourself, Red."Instead of responding, I turned on my heels and stormedaway as gracefully as I could in skis. I should've taken themoff before my grand exit, but it was too late now.The dull ache of irritation throbbed in my stomach andintensified the closer I got to the lodge. God, I was an idiot. Ishould've known better than to—Out of nowhere, the ache escalated into blinding pain. Itripped through me like a serrated blade and forced me todouble over with a small gasp.No. No, no, no.My pulse roared in my ears.It was too early. It wasn't supposed to happen until nextweek.But when another spike of pain caused tears to form inmy eyes, it was clear Mother Nature didn't give a damnabout my schedules.It was happening now, and there was nothing I could doabout it.