Twisted Hate

12 &13

After Jules stormed off, I squeezed in one run down theadvanced ski slope before I met up with Alex and Ava forlunch.I assumed Jules had returned to the lodge after our failedski lesson, but the fourth spot at the table was conspicuouslyempty.I eyed it, distractedly answering Ava's questions abouthow my morning went, before I asked,"Where's theredheaded menace? Off sticking pins in a voodoo dollsomewhere?"Considering the way she'd stomped off, I wouldn't besurprised if the voodoo doll was of me.I didn't know what possessed me to offer her ski lessonsin the first place. I blamed it on the mountain air and thechampagne I'd imbibed on the flight, but spending amorning with Jules hadn't been as terrible as I'd expected.Plus, it'd been worth it for her reaction alone when I askedhow badly she wanted to fuck me.My mouth tugged up at the memory of Jules's crimsoncheeks. She could deny it all she wanted, but she'd thoughtabout it. I'd seen it in her eyes, felt in the shallow rise andfall of her chest against mine.She hadn't been the only one thinking impure thoughts.Our fall had been an accident, but the way her curvesmolded to my body had been a revelation. We'd both beenbundled up in winter clothing, but in my mind, we might aswell have been naked. I could picture it so vividly—her silkyskin, her lush curves, her aggravating snark melting into amoan as I fucked her senseless...Fuck.I snapped open my napkin and placed it over my lap. Mycock strained against my zipper, and I prayed neither Alexnor Ava noticed my uneven breaths as I reached for my glassagain.I didn't know what was in the air that made me fantasizeabout Jules so much today, but it was fucking with my head.I'd been this close to doing something crazy earlier, like—"She texted and said she's not feeling well." Ava sippedher water, her expression cagey. "She's resting at the cabin."My arousal cooled at the new information. "She was finean hour ago."Alex arched an eyebrow. "How do you know?"Shit. "I, uh, ran into her on the slopes.""Jules said she didn't go skiing." Suspicion flared in Ava'seyes. "She stayed at the lodge after she picked up her phonefrom the cabin."Double shit. "Maybe she went to the ski run first, thenchanged her mind." I lifted my shoulders in what I hopedwas a casual shrug. "Who knows? Her mind works in strangeways."A tiny smirk touched Alex's mouth.Luckily, the waiter arrived and saved me from furtherinterrogation. After we placed our orders, I shifted theconversation to Ava's latest assignment at World Geographicmagazine, where she worked as a junior photographer.Nothing animated her more than talking about photography.I half-listened as my sister rambled on about her projectdocumenting the city's street art scene. I loved her, but Igave zero shits about photography.My eyes strayed again to Jules's empty seat. Knowing her,she had a minor headache and was claiming near-deathsymptoms.Probably.Maybe.She's fine. I cut into my chicken with unnecessary force.Whether Jules was being her usual dramatic self byforgoing lunch or actually dying, I didn't care. It hadabsolutely nothing to do with me.By the time lunch ended, I'd pushed Jules out of my mind...forthe most part. I didn't blink when Ava left to check on Julesand bring her lunch, but my muscles knotted when sheinsisted Alex and I hit the slopes without her.I'd avoided one-on-one interactions with Alex allmorning. It seemed my luck had run out.I fixed my eyes on the horizon as we walked toward thetriple black diamond, our conversation consisting of nothingmore than the soft crunch of our boots in the snow.We'd exchanged a few sentences here and there at lunch,but Ava and I had dominated the discussion while Alex atequietly.That had always been our dynamic, even before ourfalling out. I talked, he listened. I was the extrovert, and hewas the introvert. Ava used to jokingly call us yin and yang.I could say the same for her relationship with Alex. Hersunny optimism was as far removed from Alex's icy cynicismas the sun was from the moon, but they somehow made itwork."Fifty bucks says Ava stays with Jules and doesn't joinus," Alex said as we approached the ski run.I snorted. "No bet. Jules always drags her into shit. Iwouldn't be surprised if we returned to the cabin and foundthe place on fire."Unless, of course, Jules really was incapacitated. Avahadn't elaborated on what she'd meant when she said Jules"wasn't feeling well."Was it a migraine? A stomachache? Was she hurt aftershe'd crashed into me earlier?Worry clawed up my throat before I forced it back down.She'd stomped off well enough after my joke. She was fine. Ifshe wasn't, Ava would've freaked out more.Before Alex could answer, our phones emittedsimultaneous pings. We checked our messages, and I shookmy head when I read the texts.Ava: I'm staying with Jules for a bit. Don't wait up for me. I'llsee you at dinner.Ava: Have fun! xx"You called it." I pocketed my cell. I wasn't sure whetherJules needed Ava to stay with her, or if this was another oneof Ava's attempts to force me and Alex to make up. Probablyboth. "What's up with Jules, anyway? Ava didn't say." I keptmy tone as casual as possible."I didn't ask."Of course he didn't. Alex only cared about two people, andboth their names started with an A."Well, I'm sure she's okay." I slid my goggles off my headand over my eyes."You seem unusually concerned with her well-being. Ithought you hated her."My spine turned rigid at the implication. "I'm not, and Ido.""Right."I ignored his knowing glance and angled my head downthe hill. "Race you to the bottom."It was part olive branch, part distraction. I'd beenhanding out a lot of those lately. But if I could thaw myrelationship with Jules—only a little bit, for short bursts oftime—perhaps I could do the same with Alex.It didn't mean I forgave him. I had no trouble holdingonto a grudge, but actively hating someone was exhausting,especially when you were stuck in close proximity to themfor an extended period of time. And these days, I was just sodamn tired all the time. Even when I was physically fine, Iwas mentally exhausted.Life chipped away at me, bit by bit, and I didn't know howto reclaim any of the pieces I lost.Surprise passed through Alex's face before the tiniest ofsmiles graced his lips. "Loser buys drinks for the rest of theweekend.""Considering I'm a struggling medical resident andyou're a fucking millionaire, I'm getting the short end of thestick," I grumbled."Don't insult me. I'm a billionaire," he said. "But if youhave that little faith in your skiing ability..." He shrugged."We can call it off."I scowled. I hated his reverse psychology bullshit, yet Ialways fell for it. "I have plenty of faith in my athleticism,desk jockey." I held out my hand. "It's a deal."Alex let out a soft laugh, unperturbed by the desk jockeyinsult. He made a shit ton of money sitting behind his desk,so I guess I wouldn't be bothered either if I were him.He shook my hand with a competitive glint in his eyes."Deal."And just like that, we were off.We were both pros at skiing, so it didn't take us longbefore we were flying down the hill.We weren't supposed to ski such a difficult run at suchhigh speed, but neither of us had ever given a damn aboutsuch rules.My stress from work, my tension with Alex, mydisturbing new fixation with Jules....they all melted away as Ientered my element.Adrenaline pumped in my veins, fueled by the windwhipping against my face and the cold air stealing into mylungs. My heart was a wild animal uncaged, my sensessharpened blades that picked up on every detail of the worldaround me—the flecks of snow spraying up at me, thewhistle of the wind and the quiet roar of my heart, everybump and ridge as I tore down my first triple black diamond.A black-clad figure whizzed by me.Alex.My face split into a grin as my competitiveness kicked upanother notch. I drove pressure onto the tip of my outside skiand blew past him.I thought I heard Alex laugh behind me, but the windcarried the sound away before it fully reached my ears.I made a tight turn around a jutting rock, then anotherhairpin turn to follow the path of the run. Most people wouldfreak out going this fast on a triple black, but for me,nothing beat the rush of escaping death by the skin of myteeth.Between Ava's near-drowning, my mom's suicide, andthe people I saved—and couldn't save—in the emergencyroom, Death and I were old acquaintances. I hated thebastard, and every time I survived one of my escapades, itwas a metaphorical fuck you to the reaper.One of these days, he would catch me as he did everyoneelse. But not today.More turns. More obstacles that, if I were a lessexperienced skier, would've landed me in the ER as a patientinstead of a doctor. I took each one as they came, neverslowing down, though I didn't go quite as fast as I would ona normal slope.Alex and I kept roughly the same pace until the end, whenI beat him to the bottom of the trail by less than fiveseconds.Satisfaction filled my lungs. "Looks like drinks are on youthis weekend." I pushed my goggles back up my head, mychest heaving with exertion. "Good thing you're a billionairewith a b, because I'm asking the bartender for the mostexpensive drink they serve. Every time.""Not yet." Alex narrowed his eyes. It was always hilariousseeing his reaction when he lost because it happened soinfrequently. "Best out of three.""Changing the rules after the fact." I tsked indisappointment. "You're a sore fucking loser, Volkov.""I don't lose.""What do you call what just happened?" I gestured at thesteep, winding trail behind us.Rare mischief gleamed in his eyes. "Alternative winning.""Oh, fuck off with that bullshit." But I couldn't helplaughing.Since I wasn't one to ever turn down a challenge, I agreedto the best of three, though I regretted it when Alex beat meby a minute on the second run.The third run was even closer than our first. We wereliterally neck to neck until the last second, when I pulledahead by a hair.A smug grin bloomed on my face, and I opened my mouthbefore Alex cut me off."Don't say a word," he warned."Wasn't going to." My expression said it all."Don't feel bad." I clapped him on the back as we walkedback to the lodge for dinner. "There's no shame inalternative winning. Just ask any silver medalist.""I don't feel bad. If I do, I'll just buy myself a gold medal.Twenty-four karats, Cartier.""You're an asshole.""Always."I shook my head with a laugh. I hadn't hung out with Alexin so long I'd forgotten how fucked up his sense of humorwas, though I was one of the few people who even consideredit humor. Most people chalked his deadpan deliveries up tohim being a dick, which...well, fair enough. Ava used to callhim a robot—My smile disappeared.Ava. Michael. Kidnapping and secrets and thousands of liesthat tainted every memory of our friendship.That afternoon had been our closest to normal in a longtime, and I'd almost forgotten why Alex and I were no longerfriends.Almost.Alex must've picked up on the shift in atmospherebecause his smile faded alongside mine and his jaw visiblytightened.Tension descended like an iron curtain between us.I wished I could forget what happened and start over. Ihad plenty of friends, but I'd only ever had one best friend,and sometimes I missed him so damn much it hurt.But I wasn't the same person I was two years ago, andneither was Alex. I didn't know how to move on no matterhow much I wanted to. Every time I made progress, the yokeof the past yanked me back like a jealous mistress.And yet, our ski competition proved Alex and I could actnormal around each other even when Ava wasn't there. Itwasn't enough, but it was a start."I had a good time today," I said stiffly, testing thewaters for myself as much as for Alex.A beat passed before he responded. I'd surprised himagain. Twice in one day—that had to be a record. "I did too."We didn't speak again after that.Jules was absent again at dinner, but since I didn't want toinvite any further questions from Alex about why I was soconcerned about Jules—which I wasn't; I was merely curious—I waited until we returned to our cabin before grilling Ava."What's wrong with JR?" I kept my voice low.Alex had disappeared into their bathroom for a shower,but I wouldn't be surprised if he had supersonic hearing.Ava chewed on her lower lip"Ava." I pinned her with a stern stare. "If she's going todie on me in the middle of the night, I need to know so I canplan my sleep accordingly.""Funny." She glanced at the closed door. "Okay, I'm onlytelling you because you're a doctor. Also, because it gotworse this afternoon but she's too stubborn to ask for help."My earlier seed of worry blossomed into a full fuckingtree, leaves and all. "What got worse?"My sister hesitated before saying,"Jules has really...painful periods. Beyond regular cramps. The pain usuallygoes away after a day or so, but during that day...""It's unbearable," I finished. A hard knot formed in mychest. "Endometriosis?"Most women experienced primary dysmenorrhea, orcommon menstrual cramps. Secondary dysmenorrhea, suchas endometriosis, was the result of reproductive organ issuesand was usually far more excruciating.Ava shook her head. "I don't think so, but I don't want tospeak for Jules. She doesn't like talking about it.""Understood."There was a societal stigma regarding periods, and a lotof people, men and women alike, were uncomfortablediscussing them.After years of med school and residency, I had no problemdiscussing any bodily function, but I wouldn't bringsomething up if the other person didn't want to talk about it."Lay off the insults tonight, all right?" Ava gave me apointed stare. "She's not in the mood.""I'm not a monster, little sis." I ruffled her hair, earningmyself a scowl. "Don't worry."After Ava turned in for the night, I stopped outside myroom and rapped my knuckles against the door in case Juleswas indecent. No answer.I waited another beat before I opened the door with aquiet creak. The lamp was on, and I immediately zeroed inon Jules's curled-up form. She lay in a fetal position on herside, hugging a pillow to her stomach. I couldn't see herface, but I saw her stiffen at my entrance.Still awake."Hey," I said softly. "How are you feeling?""Fine. Just a stomachache," she mumbled.I closed the distance between us until we were face toface, and my chest pinched again when I noticed her shallowbreaths and the white-knuckled grip strangling her pillow."Did you take any ibuprofen? I have some." I alwayscarried a mini first aid kit with bandages, painkillers, andother essentials."Yep." Jules peered up at me with a scrunched brow. "Avatold you, didn't she?""Yeah." There was no point in lying.She groaned. "I should've told her not to say anything.""Pretty sure I would've noticed something was wrongwhen I saw you curled up like a deformed shrimp."It didn't count as an insult if I was trying to make her feelbetter. It gave her the perfect opportunity to snark back, andarguing with me always perked her up.My smile faded when she didn't respond.Okay, maybe the deformed shrimp comment wasn't ashelpful as I thought.Should I try to help her, or should I leave her alone? Therewasn't a foolproof method for alleviating severe cramps, andshe'd already taken ibuprofen, but there were other remediesthat might help.The question was whether or not she wanted my help.I made up my mind when Jules winced and clutched herpillow closer to her abdomen, her face screwed with pain.Fuck it. I was helping her whether she liked it or not. Itwasn't like I could sleep next to her knowing she was inagony. I wasn't that much of an asshole.I walked into the bathroom and scanned the amenitieslined up on the marble counter. When we dropped off ourluggage, I could've sworn I saw—aha. I picked up the tinybottle of lavender oil and returned to Jules's side."I might be able to help with the cramps," I said. "Turnover.""Why?""Trust me." I held up my free hand when she opened hermouth. "Yes, I know. You don't trust me. But I am a trainedmedical professional, and I promise I don't have nefariousintentions. So unless you want to toss and turn all night...""Trained medical professional, yet your bedside mannercould use major work." Nevertheless, she did as I asked andshifted positions so she lay on her back."I've never had any complaints before." I sat next to heron the bed and placed the pillow to the side. I nodded towardthe hem of her shirt. "May I?"Wariness etched onto Jules's face, but she acquiesced witha short nod.I lifted her shirt, baring her stomach, before I uncappedthe oil and warmed a few drops in my hands. It was made forbaths, but it'd serve as a massage oil in a pinch.I swept my palms over her abdomen and rubbed gentlecircles before easing into more targeted kneading. I wasn't alicensed massage therapist, but I'd picked up on the basicsand a few tricks over the years.Jules's muscles tensed at my initial touch, but as theminutes passed, they gradually relaxed."That's it," I murmured. "Deep breaths. How do youfeel?""Better." Her eyes fluttered shut. "You're good at this." Itcame out equal parts grudging and admiring."I'm good at everything." A smile ghosted my mouth ather scoff.We fell into a comfortable silence as I continued mymassage. Jules's skin was soft and warm beneath my touch,and her breathing evened out into a steady rhythm.I stole a glance at her face. Her eyes were still closed, so Iallowed myself to linger on the sweep of the dark lashesagainst her cheeks, the lush curve of her bottom lip, and thesilken fan of her coppery hair splayed out on her pillow. Herbrow was no longer scrunched with pain, and the knot in mychest loosened.It was my first time seeing Jules so unguarded. It was...unnerving. I was so used to our bickering I'd never givenmuch thought to what she was like behind all the fire andbrashness.How do you know I haven't already?My family wasn't big on skiing. We didn't have the money forit even if we were.Jules has really...painful periods. Beyond regular cramps.I'd known Jules for years, yet I knew so little about her.Her family, her history, her secrets, and her demons. Whatwas she hiding beneath that fiery exterior? Something toldme it wasn't all sunshine and rainbows.I shifted my attention back to the task at hand and triedto reign in my wandering thoughts. "Feel better?" The wordscame out strangely husky."Mmhmm." Jules's drowsy affirmation elicited anothersmile.My gaze drifted upward again, and heat curled low in mystomach when I saw her staring at me with a lazy,slumberous expression.Her lips parted slightly as our eyes locked. Held. Burned.Electricity charged the previously tranquil air and dancedover my skin, which suddenly stretched too tight over mybones and thundering heartbeat.Jules's breathing turned erratic again. Not only could Ihear her rapid inhales and exhales, I could feel them beneathmy hands, and they matched the uneven rhythm of my ownbreaths.She licked her lips, and God himself wouldn't have beenable to stop the X-rated images flooding my brain. Thosefull, pouty lips wrapped around the head of my cock, thatdelicate pink tongue licking up and down my length whileshe stared up at me with her big hazel eyes...My hands stilled and curled into loose fists. There was nouse pretending I was still giving her a massage. The onlything I could focus on was the erection straining against myzipper and hiding said erection from Jules.It was so fucked up. She was in pain, and here I was, hardas a rock. Proof that the body and mind were incompatiblemore often than not.But Jules didn't quite look like she was in pain anymore.Instead, she was looking at me like...Don't go there."You should be good for now." I cleared my throat of itsrasp before speaking again. "I'll bring out a warm compressso you can use it through the night."I stood and walked into the bathroom before she couldrespond, angling my body so she couldn't see the severelyill-timed tent in my pants. By the time I came back out withthe towel compress, Jules was already fast asleep.Relief and disappointment coursed through me in equalmeasure.I placed the folded towel gently on her stomach andmoved her hands on top of it to prevent it from sliding off. Ipulled the comforter up, turned off the lamp, and steppedinto the bathroom once again, where I turned the water onfull blast and let it pound the tension out of my muscles.I rubbed my hands over my face, trying to make sense ofthe events of the past fourteen hours.That morning, Jules and I had traded insults like normal,but over the course of the day, I'd willingly taught her howto ski, worried over her well-being, and given her a fuckingaromatherapy massage. Not to mention, I was still harderthan a steel pipe.What the hell is happening to me?Instead of giving in to the urge to take care of mysituation downstairs, I finished my shower and changed intosweatpants.I couldn't jerk off to Jules, not when she was sleeping inthe other room and I didn't even like her. Then again, lustand like weren't always a package deal.I climbed into bed, making sure to stay as far away fromher as I could, and tried to fall asleep, but my damn brainwouldn't shut off.Jules. Alex. Michael's letters. Jules. My fucking erection thatwon't fucking go away. Jules.My cock pulsed harder, and a low groan rose in my throat.This was going to be a long night.