Twisted Hate

17

The final score in our game? Sixteen numbers for Josh,twenty-seven for me."You cheated." Despite his declaration, the gleam inJosh's eye told me he was more upset he hadn't thought ofmy idea first than by my unconventional strategy."Can't cheat if there were no rules." The thrill of victoryadded an extra bounce to my step.We'd left the bar after tallying our numbers and werecurrently walking home from the Hazelburg metro station.Maybe it was the alcohol or the body heat radiating off Joshas he walked beside me, but I was roasting in my coat eventhough the early evening temperature hovered in the lowfifties. I didn't feel like carrying it though, so I kept the coaton."Should've known you'd find a loophole." Josh angled hischin toward my bag, where I'd stuffed the dozens of napkinswith men's numbers scribbled on them. "You gonna call anyof them?""Maybe. Couldn't be worse than trying to find someoneon a dating app." My smile dimmed when I remembered myencounter with Todd. He had some nerve, approaching melike that. Then again, men possessed nothing if not audacity."Hmm."The disgruntled sound settled into my bones and causedmy pulse to spike. Was Josh...jealous?No. That was ridiculous. To be jealous, he had to like me,and while we'd developed a grudging mutual respect, wedidn't like each other. I still wanted to punch the cocky smirkoff his face every time I saw him."And you? Are you going to call any of the numbers yougot?" I asked casually."Maybe," Josh said. "Haven't thought about it.""Hmm."Shit. The sound slipped out without thinking. Now itsounded like I was jealous."What's the deal with you lately, anyway?" I addedquickly in an attempt to draw attention away from myslipup. "You used to go through a different girl every week,but I haven't seen you with someone in months.""You're exaggerating, and I didn't go through them. Imade my intentions clear from the start. I wasn't interestedin a committed relationship, and they all knew it before wedid anything." He slid a glance in my direction. "Youunderstand."I did. Our approach to sex and relationships was one ofthe few things we had in common. Like Josh, I'd never beeninterested in long-term dating. There were too many goalsto reach, too much of the world to see, and too much of lifeto live without being tied down to one person.Besides, after my only experience with a seriousrelationship, I wasn't in any hurry to jump into another one."You want to attend law school?" Max grimaced. "Why?""I think I'd make a good lawyer." I twisted the hem of my shirtaround my finger. It was a new piece I'd bought with myallowance from Alastair, my stepfather. After years of threadbareclothing, I couldn't stop touching it to make sure it was real, that Iwas really wearing a designer shirt that cost more than my oldmonthly budget for food. "It pays well if I go into corporate law,and I can help—"A loud laugh cut me off. "Oh, come on, Jules.""What?" My brow creased with confusion and a touch of hurt."You're so cute." He gave me an indulgent smile, like I was achild who announced I would be running for president. But let'sbe real, babe, you don't want to be a lawyer."I twisted my shirt harder around my finger. "I'm serious.""Then be serious." Max ran his hand over my shoulder andrubbed my arm soothingly before he squeezed my breast, his eyestaking on a familiar lusty gleam. "You're way too hot to be stuckin some musty courtroom all day. You should be a model.Capitalize on that face and body. Not everyone is lucky enough tobe born with your looks."I forced a smile. Yes, I'd been blessed with above average looks,but I didn't feel lucky. Not when that was the only thing peoplesaw when they looked at me, and not when my own motherviewed me as competition instead of family.But maybe Max was right. Maybe I was getting ahead ofmyself. What made me think I could be a lawyer? I did well in myclasses, but there was a difference between getting a 4.0 at asmall high school in Ohio and succeeding at a top-tier law school."Come on. Enough boring talk." Max's breath roughened as hepopped open the buttons of my shirt. "I can think of somethingbetter we can do with our mouths..."A sour taste filled my mouth. I'd been so young and naive.I wasn't the same person I'd been at seventeen, butsometimes, the whispers from my past reassertedthemselves, making me question everything I'd achieved andstrived for.Max's recent texts didn't help, either. He was like the exthat wouldn't die. Figuratively, not literally.The alcohol-induced buzz in my head grew louder. MaybeI should call him to see what he wanted. Then I could puthim behind me once and—"Jules!"Josh's panicked shout pierced my ear at the same timesquealing tires screeched through the night. I lifted my head,my eyes widening at the sight of headlights barreling towardme.I'd been so caught up in my thoughts I'd wandered intothe middle of the street without looking.Move! my brain screamed, but my body wouldn't obey. Ijust stood there, frozen, until an iron grip closed around myarm and yanked me back onto the sidewalk a millisecondbefore a truck sped past, horn blaring.Momentum took over and my face collided with Josh'schest. It was like slamming into a brick wall. The force of theaction, combined with the spike of adrenaline from my brushwith death, robbed me of words and breath. All I could dowas stand there, face pressed against Josh's torso, while heengulfed me in a tight embrace."Are you okay?" His heart thundered beneath my cheek."I'm fine," I said hoarsely, too stunned to form a betterresponse.I raised my head and gulped when I saw his expression.Concern lined his brow, but his eyes blazed and a vein visiblypulsed in his temple."Good." His arms tightened around me until I lost mybreath all over again. "Now what the hell were you thinking,walking out into the middle of the street like that?" His lowvoice vibrated with anger. "You almost got killed!""I..." I didn't have a good answer.What was I supposed to say? I was too caught up inmemories of my shitty ex to pay attention to where I was going?I had a feeling that wouldn't fly.God, if Max was the last person I thought of before I died,I would be pissed."I called your name twice and you didn't even react." Thepale glow from the streetlights slashed across Josh's face,throwing his razor-sharp cheekbones and the hard, chiseledline of his jaw into sharp relief. "What the fuck happened?""Nothing. I just got distracted." Technically true. Still, mystomach twisted at what would've happened had Josh notbeen there."Thank you for saving me, though I'm surprised youdid." I attempted to lighten the tension blanketing the air. "Ithought you'd be more liable to push me into traffic thansave me from it.""That's not funny.""It's kind of funny.""Not. Funny," Josh repeated. He bit out each word like itwas a bitter pill. "Do you think death is funny? Do you thinkit's fun for me to watch someone almost die?"My smile waned. "No," I said softly.I had a feeling we weren't talking about me anymore.As an ER doctor, he worked closer with life and death thananyone else I knew. I couldn't imagine the things he saw atthe hospital, the calls he had to make and the people hecouldn't save. But he was so sarcastic and light-hearted allthe time I'd never thought about how it affected him.Josh released me and stepped back, his expression likegranite."I'm walking you home," he said flatly. "Who knowswhat trouble you'll stumble into if I left you alone?"We were only two blocks away, so I didn't botherprotesting. I knew when to pick my battles.We walked in silence to my house, which was dark whenwe arrived. Stella was probably still at the office or at anevent. Between the magazine and her blog, she basicallyworked two jobs.I stepped onto the porch and fished my keys out of mybag with a shaking hand. "You've delivered me home safeand sound. Five stars for service, two stars forconversation," I quipped, inserting the key into the lock."I'd give you one star on the latter, but since you saved mylife, I'm being generous."Perhaps I should've been more serious, considering Josh'smood, but when in doubt, I defaulted to sarcasm. I couldn'thelp it.A muscle pulsed in his jaw. "Is everything a joke to you,or are you really that oblivious?" he demanded. "You gotinto Thayer Law, so I assume you have some awareness ofthe world around you. So stop with the fucking act, Red. It'sa play no one wants to see."My spine hardened into iron. I recognized that tone ofvoice. It was the same tone he'd used when he told Ava tostop being friends with me. The same one he always usedwhen he saw me doing something he considered a badinfluence, like I wasn't good enough for him or his friends.Sharp. Judgmental. Self-righteous.An angry flush scalded my face."What's that supposed to mean?" The front door clickedopen while a hard, defensive note crept into my voice."It means you act all tough and unbothered when it's justthat. An act." Josh took a step toward me. A tiny one, justenough for the tips of his shoes to kiss mine. The point ofcontact acted as a channel for his anger, which funneled intome and stoked the embers of indignation burning in mystomach."I wouldn't care, except your recklessness doesn't affectjust you. It also affects the people around you. But you neverthought about that, did you?" Dull red burned on hischeekbones. "You only think about yourself. I don't knowwhat the fuck happened in your past, but it doesn't take agenius to figure you out. You're a scared little girl whochases highs to run from your demons, never caring aboutthe destruction you leave in your wake. Classic fucking JulesAmbrose."Deep, bone-rattling hurt stole the breath from my lungsand stung my eyes.Any camaraderie Josh and I developed over the past fewweeks evaporated, incinerated into ash by the firestorm ofemotions whipping around us.It wasn't just about tonight, and it wasn't just about us. Itwas about the past seven years—every insult, every sneer,every argument and frustration in our lives, even if it hadnothing to do with the other. It all boiled over until acrimson haze passed before my eyes and the only thing Icould focus on was how angry I was.Instead of trying to calm down, I reveled in it.Anger was good. Anger prevented me from dwelling onthe truth behind his statement, and anger coated my wordswith venom when I spoke again."You're one to talk." I tilted my chin up, my eyes searinginto his endless midnight ones. "Josh Chen, the golden boy.The adrenaline junkie. You want to talk about chasing highs?How about you putting your life on the line every time youpursue some stupidly reckless new activity even thoughyou're Ava's only family left? How about the fucking moralhigh horse you ride around on because you're a doctor andeverything you do is for the supposed greater good?"My nails dug tiny crescents in my palms. "You're the onewho can't let go of shit that happened years ago. He lied tome, he betrayed me." I mimicked his voice. "Tough shit.That's the way the world works. You survive and get over it,or you get stuck in your own martyrdom. You say I hidebehind my act? I say you hold onto your grudge becausethat's all you have left to hold onto. It's the only thingkeeping you alive, and you don't give a damn if it hurts thepeople you supposedly love."It was a low blow to match a low blow until we were bothin hell, caught in the culmination of years of animosity andwords we would've never uttered to anyone except eachother. Lies stripped away, truths uncovered only to bedisguised as insults.Part of me was disgusted. Another part sang withexhilaration.In a world that expected politeness and praised restraint,there was nothing more freeing than finally letting it all out.No holds barred.Fury carved savage lines into Josh's face. "Fuck. You.""You. Wish."The white plumes of our breaths mingled in the cold. Theair around us fell unnaturally still, like it was waiting withbated breath for our next move."I don't need to wish, Red." His voice turned dark.Smoky. It slithered past my defenses and kindled a heat inmy lower belly that had both nothing and everything to dowith my anger. "I could fuck your brains out right now. Makeyou take back every word you said and have you begging formore by the end of it."It was a warning, not seduction. And it made the fire burneven hotter in my veins."You know what they say about men who talk a biggame." Anticipation climbed up my spine at the dangerswirling in the air. We were one step away from crossing aline we couldn't come back from, and I was riding highenough I didn't care. "They're overcompensating for thesmallest packages."A smile slashed across Josh's face, vicious enough itintroduced a seed of trepidation."Oh, Red. You're about to find out just how untrue thatis," he said softly.He moved so fast I didn't get the chance to draw anotherbreath before he yanked me against him and crushed hismouth against mine.And my world as I knew it shattered into a million pieces.