Twisted Hate

19

There were at least a dozen different kinds of sex.There was sweet, sensual lovemaking. Rough, hardfucking. There were casual quickies and emotional interludesand every shade of intimacy in between. After twenty-nineyears on earth, I thought I'd experienced every type of sexpossible.Until Jules.I didn't even know what to call what we did. Sex seemedtoo bland and generic a description. It'd been somethingrawer, more primal. Something that dug deep into the nestof thorns hidden in the pits of my consciousness and yankedthem out for the world to see. Every shadow and jagged pieceof me, laid bare.Jules had unlocked a darker version of me than I thoughtmyself capable of, and now that it was out, I wasn't sure Icould ever put it back in.It should've been terrifying, but it was liberating. Thegreatest high I'd ever experienced.Greater than BASE jumping. Greater than mountainbiking Bolivia's infamous Death Road. And a million timesgreater than any night I'd spent with any woman in the past.Jules and I hadn't spoken a word to each other before Ileft the other night, but days later, my need for another hitconsumed me."Earth to Josh." Ava snapped her fingers in front of myface. "You there? Or are you already in New Zealand?" sheteased.I forced myself back into the present. It was one of therare days we both had off, so we'd scheduled a catchup overlunch."Yeah." I sipped my water, wishing it were somethingstronger. Was it too early to start drinking? It was fiveo'clock somewhere, right? "I wish I was in New Zealand. Ican't fucking wait."T-minus seven weeks until my trip. I was pumped, but Icouldn't summon the desire to talk about it. I was toodistracted by thoughts of Jules.Maybe I'd been right when I called her a succubus. Thatwas the only explanation I could think of for the way she'dinfiltrated my every waking and sleeping second."It'll be fun." Ava ripped off a piece of her bread andpopped it in her mouth. "Just make sure to bring me back aLord of the Rings souvenir or I'll never forgive you.""You don't even like Lord of the Rings. You fell asleephalfway through the first movie.""Yes, but you can't go to New Zealand without bringingback a LOTR souvenir. It's inhumane.""Inhumane. I don't think that word means what youthink it means," I said, citing one of our favorite movies.The Princess Bride was one of my favorite movies. I wasn'tashamed to admit it. It was a fucking classic.Ava made a face. "Whatever. Speaking of, where were youWednesday night? You didn't answer any of your texts."Shit. I'd answered her texts the next morning, but I'dhoped she wouldn't ask why I'd been MIA since we'd hadtentative plans to watch the latest Marvel movie together."Sorry. Something came up that I needed to take care ofright away."What would Ava say if she knew I'd slept with her bestfriend? Nothing good, I bet. She was fiercely protective of herfriends, and she knew Jules and I mixed as well as oil andwater.Except for in bed, apparently."And the award for Vaguest Answer goes to..." Ava'sphone alarm went off, and she winced. "Shoot. I have to go.I'm meeting Alex for a show at the Renwick Gallery, but itwas great catching up." She stood and gave me a quick hug."Get some rest, okay? You look exhausted.""What? No, I don't." I checked my reflection in the plateglass window and relaxed. No pale skin, no purple smudgesor bags beneath my eyes. I looked perfect."Made you look." Ava grinned at my scowl. "You are sovain.""That's a Carly Simon song, not an accurate descriptor ofme." Just because I cared about my appearance didn't makeme vain. The world traded in appearances, so it made sensefor me to look as good as I could. "I thought you had to go,"I added pointedly.I loved Ava, but like all little sisters, she could be a majorpain in my ass.No wonder she and Jules were friends."Fine, I can take a hint. But I'm serious," she threw overher shoulder on her way out. "Get some rest. You can't runon coffee forever.""I can try!" I called after her, earning myself an odd lookfrom nearby diners.Ava always fussed about my sleep schedule, but I was amedical resident. The only regular sleep schedule I had was anonexistent one.I closed out my check and left soon after my sister did. Wehad a great lunch, but I wished we could talk about morethan our jobs and plans for the weekend. We used to be eachother's sounding boards, but now she had Alex and I had acrap ton of things I couldn't tell her about. Namely, whathappened with Jules, and Michael's letters, of which Ireceived another one yesterday.Two years, and I couldn't bring myself to cut him out ofmy life. I never visited him in prison, but I kept hiscorrespondence as a proxy for...hell, I didn't know. But everyday, my curiosity intensified. It was only a matter of timebefore I opened one of his letters, and I hated my future selffor it. It felt like a betrayal.Michael tried to kill my sister and framed my mother, andI was still holding onto a remnant of the man he used to be.The one who taught me how to ride a bike and brought me tomy first basketball game when I was seven. Not a felon, butmy father.I swallowed the bitter lump in my throat as I entered themetro station just in time to catch the next train toHazelburg. I pushed thoughts of Michael aside, choosing tofocus on my plans for the rest of the afternoon instead. Ispiraled every time I thought about my father, and I wasn'twasting a precious day off agonizing over him.I tapped my fingers against my thigh, restless. It was toolate to go hiking. Maybe I could ring up some old collegefriends, see if they were free to hang out that night.Or you can see Jules again.My teeth clenched. Christ, what was wrong with me? It'dbeen a fuck. A great one, but a fuck nonetheless. I shouldn'tbe this obsessive about it after one night together.I took out my phone and pulled up a travel guide for NewZealand, determined to erase a certain redhead from mymind.It didn't work.Every time I saw a waterfall, I pictured fucking Julesunder it.Every time I saw a restaurant, I pictured us eating theretogether like a goddamn couple.Every time I saw a hike, I pictured...well, you got the idea."Fuck." I was going insane.The woman seated next to me with her young daughterpinned me with a glare before she moved them both fartherdown the train.Normally, I would've apologized, but I was too annoyed tooffer more than an apologetic grimace.There was only one way to get Jules off my mind. I didn'tlike it, but it was the only solution I had.When I arrived in Hazelburg, I headed straight to Jules'shouse. Was what I was about to do a bad idea? Probably. ButI'd take a bad idea over having her live rent-free in my headfor God knew how long.I knocked on the door. It opened a minute later, revealingdark curls and surprised green eyes."Hey, Josh," Stella said. "What are you doing here?"Shit. I'd forgotten about Jules's roommate. Like everyoneelse, Stella thought Jules and I hated each other—which wedid—so it would be weird if I said I showed up to see Jules.Unless..."I need to talk to Jules about a case at the clinic," I lied."It's urgent. Is she here?"If Stella suspected I was lying, she didn't show it. Thenagain, she was one of the most trusting people I knew, so itprobably didn't occur to her that I wasn't telling the truth."Yep. Come in." She opened the door wider and motionedme inside. "Jules is upstairs in her room.""Thanks." I took the stairs two at a time until I reachedJules's room.I rapped my knuckles against the door and waited for her"Come in!" before I stepped inside and closed the doorbehind me.Jules sat at her desk, looking more dressed down than I'dever seen her. Sweats, oversized T-shirt, no makeup, hairtossed up in a bun. While I appreciated a skimpy outfit asmuch as the next guy, I kinda liked this version of her. It wasmore authentic. More human.Shock passed over her face at my appearance before sheturned back to her computer and resumed typing."What are you doing here?" she asked casually, like hernail marks weren't etched into my back from when I'dfucked her brains out a few days ago.I tamped down my annoyance and leaned against thedresser, folding my arms over my chest.I had work to do, trips to plan, and sleep to catch up on.But it'd been four days, eleven hours, and thirty-twominutes since we'd had sex, and all of them had beenconsumed by memories of cinnamon and heat and the silkyslide of her skin beneath my hands.I didn't know what kind of voodoo spell Jules cast on me,but I needed to get it out of my system. If one night wasn'tenough, then I would indulge in as many nights as necessaryto rid myself of my disturbing obsession with her."I have a proposition for you," I said."No." She didn't look up from her screen."I propose we form a mutually beneficial arrangement," Icontinued, ignoring her flat rejection. "As much as it painsme to admit, you weren't terrible in bed, and I know I'm notterrible in bed. We're both too busy to date or deal with theonline dating scene. Therefore, we should enter a friendswith benefits agreement. Minus the friends part."It was genius, if I did say so myself. The physicalchemistry was there, and neither of us had to worry aboutthe other catching feelings. We could just fuck until we gottired of it.Honestly, Mensa should offer me membership for such abrilliant plan."Josh." Jules closed her laptop and twisted to face me. "Iwould rather burn in the fiery depths of hell than sleep withyou again."I smirked. "We won't be doing much sleeping, Red. Orhave you forgotten?"I spotted the instant she remembered our night together.Her pupils dilated, her chest rose and fell faster, and hercheeks flushed the faintest shade of pink. The averageperson wouldn't have noticed such minor changes, but Iwasn't average. I noticed everything about her, whether Iwanted to or not.Self-satisfaction bloomed on my lips."We won't be doing much of anything except tolerate eachother's presence for Ava's sake," she said through grittedteeth. "You're lucky I didn't bite your dick off.""But then you wouldn't have been able to come so hardaround it. Multiple times," I said silkily. "That would'vebeen a damn shame. Your screams are so sweet."I smiled at her snarl."You're a logical person. Think about it," I reasoned. "Weboth have needs, and this is the perfect way to fulfill thoseneeds without the headache that comes up with findingsomeone to hook up with. Less Todds, more orgasms. It's awin-win situation."Jules remained silent. She was thinking about it.I pounced on the opening and went in for the kill. "But ifyou're afraid you'll fall for me in the process, I don't blameyou." I offered a casual shrug. "I'm pretty irresistible."My smile widened when her eyes sparked. Challengeswere as much her weakness as they were mine."Not even in your wildest dreams." Jules leaned back inher chair. "Remember the last game we played? I won, youlost.""I don't have dreams about you, Red. Only nightmares.""Could've fooled me, considering how hard you came theother night." Jules released her hair from her bun and let itcascade over her shoulders. The movement stretched hershirt across her chest, and my eyes involuntarily dipped towhere her nipples poked through the thin material in hard,pebbled points.When I lifted them again, my jeans had tightened, andJules wore a smug smile. "If we're going to do this, we needto set some ground rules."Bingo. Mission accomplished.I savored the triumph for a minute before I inclined myhead. "Agreed. Ladies first."I'd learned my lesson from our wager at The Black Fox.Always set rules."This is a strictly physical arrangement," Jules said. "Wedon't have claims on each other's time outside of sex, sodon't ask me where I am or what I'm doing when we're nottogether.""Fine." I had no plans to do either of those things. "Wekeep this between us. Don't tell anyone—not your friends,people at the clinic, and especially not Ava.""Of course I won't tell anyone." Jules wrinkled her nose."I hardly want people to know I'm involved with you.""You could only be so lucky."We ran through the rest of our rules in rapid succession."Always use protection.""No sleeping over.""No getting jealous if the other person goes on a datewith someone else."Fine with me. An exclusive friends-but-not-friends-withbenefits situation was too close to an actual relationship forcomfort."If you want to end the arrangement, be upfront about it.No ghosting or beating around the bush. That's fuckingimmature.""No falling in love."I scoffed. "Red, you'll fall in love with me before I everfall in love with you." The mere idea was absurd.Jules was the most difficult woman I'd ever encountered.God help whichever poor bastard ended up falling for her."As if." She sniffed. "You think far too highly of yourdick, Chen. It gets the job done, but it's not a magical rod.""Last rule. Never refer to my cock as a rod again."Some slang should be banned from the English language."Whatever, Joshy McRod." Jules offered a deceivinglysweet smile. "Do we have a deal?""Deal." I grasped her outstretched hand and squeezed.She squeezed back twice as hard. It reminded me of when weshook on our clinic truce. We were making an awful lot ofdeals lately, for some reason. "Only fucking, no feelings."I didn't doubt for a second I could hold up my end of thedeal. Most people caught feelings in these types of arrangements, which was why they never lasted long.But if there was one thing I was sure of, it was that Iwould never, ever fall in love with Jules Ambrose.