A/N
I'd like to give a quick personal warning on this one as it's very intense and could cause some people major stress. Pleas take care of yourself, do not read it if you cannot handle it. It will contain mental distress and so many things that I can't even explain.
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I stare in the face of "her"
It's me, my twin, we look the exact same
But she is not me, a crisis I've had once before
But she's evil you see
She whispers all the horrible things in my ears
Filling my head up with anxieties I dispute with logic
But she keeps going, getting louder and LOUDER
She's basically screaming in my ears
Repeating the same things people have said to me
"Failure, trash, whore, useless, freak, crazy bitch"
But I don't like thinking that way I try to be positive as I look for a job, applying to 10 a day!
"Hurt yourself, die, take the box cutter and ruin your body like you used to!"
"Watch it bleed..."
I sob into my hands begging her to stop
Make it fucking stop! Make this stop!
I'm fine! I'm ok I'm happy cant you fucking see I'm smiling! I'm not what she says!
"Why are you crying? You're a lazy piece a shit, what a fucking waste of air, stop it you're fine"
The tears flood my eyes and stream down my cheeks, I can't make it stop
I cant keep doing this...I'm going fucking crazy
Is this even mental illness anymore because this isn't right, I didn't use to be this bad!
Make it stop Make her fucking stop
JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP
I grab her shoulders and shake her body while yelling and begging her to stop
But she does not stop...
I loose my shit and grab her by the hair
Smashing her face into the ground repeatedly
Yelling and screaming to "shut the fuck up" all while sobbing
Her face is ruined just like my mental state
She stopped moving, the blood is everywhere, pooling around what was once a head
Now a pile of gravel that was supposed to be her skull and brain matter
My chest heaves covered in her blood, it's her fault she didn't stop
It's all her fucking fault! It is! She's the reason I can't breathe!
She's the reason I can't cry, the reason I feel like a failure all the God damn time!!!
But she's just the voices of everyone in my life who have said those things
But it's her God damn fault, she just needed to shut her damn mouth and this wouldn't have happened!
I wouldn't be going fucking crazy! I wouldn't be in this position! IN ANY OF THESE GOD DAMN POSITIONS!!!!
But she is not dead...
and I know it as I stare at her vastly decomposing body
She'll be back before I know it...and this scene will repeat once more
It'll just be slightly different
I'll kill her with a hammer, smash her face in with my my foot, stab her repeatedly
She just won't shut up so I keep killing her for what I hope to be a moment of silence
But she has influenced me to much...so while she lie there dead
I silently repeat all the things she said to myself
Until a new me appears and kills the me that is now her, the one screaming the words
The one breaking down the girl who wants to be sane and ok
Free from all this torture so I torture me like I was
"This is self sabotaging"
She pulls out the gun to repeat this endless cycle
Another decent into madness
One after another just like the last
This is fucking madness
YOU ARE READING
Poetry for feelings
PoetryThese are some poems I wrote about feelings I've had/have and certain things that go on in my life that I share with not only family and friends but with the world.
