Misunderstood

8 | Liv

My phone rings for the second time beside of me, waking me from my amazing dream and wonderful sleep. I groan, searching around the sheets to find it.

I find it quickly, my eyes squinting at the light and seeing Roman's name appear across my screen. It's fucking 2:30 in the morning, so this better be life or death.

"Roman?" I answer.

"Liv, I need to talk to you." His voice is weak, cracking occasionally.

"What's wrong, Rome?" I sit up, realizing this might actually be life or death.

"I'm outside."

"Outside of where? What's going on?"

"Your house, Liv."

"What the hell?" I gasp, getting out of bed. "Hang on, I'm coming to open the door."

"Okay," the line goes dead as I pull my bedroom door open. I hurry as quietly as I possibly can, rushing to the front door.

Roman is right outside the door when I pull it open. I can tell something is wrong by his body language and the frown on his face. His eyes are red, and I can tell he's been crying. "Roman, what's wrong?" I wrap my arms around him, the knots in my stomach worsening when he doesn't hug me back. "Come with me," I pull away, taking his hand and pulling him into the warm house. He follows me up to my room, and I close my door before sitting on my bad and patting the spot next to me.

He sits on the edge of my bed. "I have a shit ton of stuff to tell you, Liv. And I don't know where to fucking start."

"The beginning?" I suggest, but he shakes his head.

"No," he mumbles, "first I want to tell you that I really like you, like love you, and I'm so sorry for what I'm about to tell you." He takes a shaky breath. "I found out that it was Drew that raped you. And I took care of it, but I found out because of Sarah. She told me she knew he raped you but she said it like it was supposed to be funny. Things got a little out of hand, but the reason I was with her, was because she came to a party I was at. I,"

He pauses for a moment, shaking his head. I know where this is going and already my heart has sank into my toes. "I left with her to have sex. And I'm so sorry, Liv. I realize what a fucking mistake that was and how much I betrayed you by sleeping with her. I made her leave and that's when she told me. I wanted you to hear it from me, even if she wasn't planning on telling you, because I'm so sorry, Liv. I know I fucked up, and I know you're probably going to hate me all over again, and I deserve it." He wipes his eyes. "I know I do, because after everything you've told me about Sarah, I still slept with her. But I want you to know I've meant every word I said the last couple weeks, and I've really enjoyed being your friend and getting to know you. I hope like hell you can forgive me one day, but I understand if you can't."

I don't really know what to say to that. How can you be mad at someone for sleeping with another person when you're not in a relationship? But at the same time, it's fucking Sarah. He slept with my literal tormentor. To be quite honest, I don't know which part hurt more, and I hate admitting that.

My mind can't help but wander back to all the horrible things she did to me. Some of the things he knows and some he doesn't. I could never bring myself to tell him what happened in the bathroom. But he should have known enough to know she's a terrible person; but he still chose her.

I guess I had the wrong idea when I started falling for him. Maybe he was only hanging out with me to ease his own conscious for standing by and letting Sarah treat people the way she did. Maybe he meant what he said but he's not grown enough to stand by his word and change of friends. Either way, for the sake of my own mental health, I can't keep hanging around him like this. I can't be falling in love with a man who is going to stand by as I suffer. I can't fall in love with a man who'd probably result in my tormentor coming back for round four. College has been my escape, I've healed so much over the last few years and I can't go back. I won't fucking go back.

"Can you," my voice is shaky, "can you please leave?"

I didn't realize I had started to cry, but now I can feel the hot tears rolling down my face. "If that's what you want." He stares into my eyes, like he's hoping with every fiber of his being that I'll change my mind.

Instead, I nod curtly, wiping my face with my hands, "that's what I want."

"Liv-" I cut him off.

"Get the fuck out, Roman!" I stand up, pulling him up by the shirt and shoving him to the door. "Get the fuck out of my room, out of my house. We're partners on a dumb ass school project, and that's fucking it. Whatever we had going on is over."

"I'm-"

"I don't need to hear anything else." I shake my head, unwilling to listen. "You're still the same Roman you were years ago, and I'm not going back to living in fear because of fucking Sarah."

He lets me push him down the hall and to the stairs, all the way to my front door. He's crying too, but those crocodile tears aren't fooling me.

"I really am-"

"I don't give a shit, Roman." I shake my head, wiping my eyes once again as my voice breaks. "You fucking knew everything she did to me. You knew how long it took me to move on. I tried to kill myself because of her, and I almost succeeded. I'm not going through it again, Roman. Not for you or anyone else. So, you take that bullshit apology, and shove it so far up your ass it reaches your brain and you can realize how full of shit it really is."

"I regret it so much, I didn't want to hurt you." he cries, as I open the door and push him out, onto the porch.

"Well, maybe you should have considered that before you stuck it in her, huh?"

He drops to his knees, pleading with me. "I'm going to make this up to you. I swear to God, Liv."

I shake my head, the mix of rage and sadness makes my body shake. "You can make it up to me by staying as far away as humanly possible. If it wasn't for the stupid project, I'd say I never want to see you again, but I have no fucking choice, so I'll suck it up."

"I-"

"Go home, Roman. We're done here. Don't bother picking me up tomorrow, I'll find my own way." I step back into my house,  and look him in the eyes to say "fuck you," then close and lock the door.

I knew being Roman's friend was a mistake. I knew he'd let me down. And I fell for him and his goofy ass tactics anyways. I won't make that mistake again.