The Gambling Girl.

Moments after the gamble...

I still remember my first gamble.....

Ms Laurel....her reaction....knowing that she would've had to disappear from my life forever.....just cause of some cards....The look in her eyes....was in disbelief.....she couldn't take it anymore....the feeling for me however....i couldn't describe it....I couldn't see the expression on my face...whenever she'd look at me....her face tore into the deepest pits of despair.....my face......

What Exactly Did She See?

The beginning...

Nobody was there in the cafe, just me and Ms Laurel....or a stranger to me. This "Ms Laurel" who I always thought was this cute, sporadic and kind teacher was someone who was so envious that she was a new person to me. But as new as she was to me, she was also nobody. It still surprised me, I really didn't know her. My own teacher....was a complete stranger to me.

Everybody is, that's how it's been for a long time now. Ever since my parents died , I've had nobody in my life to rely on, just myself. I could've had people to rely on, like friends, distant family members or even a boyfriend but I never needed any of that in my life when I have myself. As perfect as I am, I can have everything I want. But just as much as I can have everything, I can have nothing.

I didn't care about anybody, since there's nobody to care about in my life, only myself. Emotions are felt by everyone , but for me, I rarely do, or most of the time, I feel nothing. The first and last memory I've had of me crying was when my parents died. That was when I was 2 years old. My memory is another exceptional thing about me, I could remember everything about my life ever since my parents died, that life I had with my mom and dad is just....a distant memory. Was I smiling back then? I don't even know. I can't even smile anymore. I do smirk from time to time but that's when I enjoy things like eating food when I'm really hungry, drinking tea that's just the right temperature with taste and smoking. Other than those, there's nothing else to smile about.

After my parents died, I was put into an orphanage. The name of the orphanage is "Antirrhinum Foster center". Me being the age of 2 years old still remembers the first time I arrived there, inside the lobby. My hand was being held by this adult woman. She was the teacher of the orphanage, Ms. Herta, and that was our first time meeting each other. She was 29 at the time, she looked healthy and enjoyed teaching the children at the center, It wasn't long before I became one of her students. I'm now 24, so it's been awhile since I've first met her but I'm still in contact with her, she's doing fine. I left the center when I was 15, right before I entered high school but that matter will be continued later.

How my parents died? I don't remember, which is weird because they died when I was 2 meaning I should've remembered it sense the earliest memories I can recall was shortly after their death. I remember sitting in the back seat of a car that was white and had 2 colored beaming lights flashing from the top of it, making this excruciating sound whenever it was activated. It was a police car, the officer was driving it and I was sitting in the back seat, but I looked emotionless. I remember when I first got in, the officer said, "I'm sorry for your loss, little girl. I'll bring you to a place I know will keep you safe". I didn't respond, or rather I couldn't respond, it was like something was stuck in my throat, the words just wouldn't come out of my mouth. The expression on my face was nothing but my eyes were wide opened, like I had seen something. Of course I did, I witnessed my parents die, but even though I did, I don't remember. It's all a blur to me, but the effect of their death and what I saw is something that only the me during the time it happened could remember.