Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
Thursday|| 9 pm|| Farrah's Theater Room
My mind was everywhere but on the movie that me and Farrah were watching as we laid up on the big chaise lounger in her theater room, sharing a bucket of popcorn while "Trois" played on the screen. She was really the only one eating the popcorn. My appetite is nearly nonexistent. I can't keep food down because I feel sick to my stomach every time I think about what I'm doing to Tasia, and I'm always thinking about what I'm doing to Tasia. We've never kept secrets from each other. She's my human vault, my living diary, and I know that she feels the same way about me. She would never do this to me, so why am I doing this to her? I feel like such a bad friend. She deserves better than what I can give her right now. I'm falling in love with Farrah and it's scaring the hell out of me because I'm not sure if the feeling is reciprocated on her end. We haven't even been on a real date. All we do is linkup at her place or mine because she's so afraid of Fantasia catching us out together in public. I can't help but to feel like she's hiding something from me. Maybe it's just my insecurities talking. If Farrah was seeing someone else, why would she waste her time going through so much trouble to hide our relationship from Fantasia? I just need to tell her straight up how I feel. It's the only way my mind will be able to rest.
Danielle: Rah Rah?
Farrah: Yes, Dani?
Danielle: Have you ever been in love before? I told you about my first love, but you never told me about yours.
I don't know what I'm doing or what I'm trying to prove. This girl is only 23 years old and she has me questioning everything I thought I knew about myself. I've never felt such a loss of control over my own life. I just really hope that she doesn't hurt me. I'm risking a lifelong friendship for love, and I will never be able to forgive myself if things don't go the way I want them to. This would be so much easier to deal with if her and Fantasia could get along and be cordial with one another.
Farrah: I don't know. I've had opportunities to love, but those opportunities were always ripped away from me.
Danielle: What do you mean?
Farrah: When I was growing up, I struggled with trust issues. Coming from the Barrino family, I always had to worry about if people were only trying to get close to me because of my family's money and status. It was hard for me to know who was really there for me because they wanted to be, and not because they wanted something from me.
Danielle: I can't imagine having to constantly look over my shoulder to make sure nobody was trying to put a knife in my back. I'm sorry that you did.
