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Sunday|| 2:35 pm|| Chasity's Bedroom
After Chasity's well-warranted outburst, I picked the crumpled letter up off of the floor and unraveled it, placing it in the pocket of my soft yoga pants before going to her room to check on her. She was crying into her pillow and repeating over and over again that she hated our mother. I sighed, sitting on her bed and rubbing her back. She turned over and looked up at me with big, sad brown eyes before laying her head in my lap and crying harder. I stroked her hair with one hand and rubbed her back in soothing circles with the other.
Chasity: I fucking hate that bitch!
Taraji: Chas, watch your mouth.
Chasity: That's just how I feel. You always tell me to express my feelings, and right now I feel like I hate that bitch. She ruined our lives!
Taraji: I know, Chas. Look, if you don't want me to go see mom or communicate with her then I won't.
Chasity: Do you want to reconnect with her?
Taraji: I don't know. I'm still struggling to forgive her for what she did to us. I feel like I would hurt her if I actually saw her.
Chasity: I don't want you to say no just because of me. You knew her better than I did. If you want to go see her, then you should go see her. I just don't want to be apart of it.
Taraji: I won't make you do anything you don't want to do. As far as what I want to do, I don't know.
I've always wanted to see my mom in a state of good health, both physically and mentally, because as a kid watching her battle drug addiction and lose that battle, I thought that it would never happen. I feel like seeing her in a better light would heal some pieces of the broken little girl within me who just wanted her mother to be an actual mother. Coming from a broken home, holidays were dreadful. Birthdays were even worse. I remember one Christmas I had saved up all of my money to buy a tree so that Chasity could experience some semblance of a normal Christmas, and my mom sold it in exchange for drug money. If she's truly not that person anymore, then I would want to see it with my own eyes. I think I know what I have to do now.
Taraji: Do you wanna go finish the movie, Chas?
Chasity: No. I'm just gonna stay in my room. I need to decompress.
Taraji: Ok. Are you hungry? I can whip you up something quick.
Chasity: No thanks. I can't eat right now even if I wanted to.
