FINDING 12 | BOYS OF TOMMEN

future

We were lying on the floor of Eloise's room, the familiar smell of vanilla-scented candles mixing with the fizzy pop of Pepsi from the cans scattered around us. A pile of snacks sat untouched in the middle of the floor, and our conversation had spiraled from school gossip to, somehow, talking about kids we didn't even have yet.

"I'm serious, Blair," Eloise said, her face animated as she waved her hands around. "I want a daughter and a son. Roman and Kayleigh. The names are already picked out."

I raised an eyebrow, skeptical. "Ronan? Really?"

She rolled her eyes at me. "Yes, Roman. It's a strong name. Roman. Kayleigh. They'll be adorable."

I couldn't help but laugh, the sound bubbling up from deep in my chest. "Ronan is such an ugly name!"

Eloise, mid-sip of her Pepsi, choked, spraying it everywhere. "Not Ronan, you idiot! Roman!" She wheezed, wiping her mouth, her eyes watering from laughing too hard. "God, Blair, Ronan is awful! I said Roman, you dickhead."

"Ohhh." I burst out laughing, wiping tears from my own eyes as the confusion cleared up. "Okay, okay, Roman isn't so bad. But Ronan—definitely not."

We lay there giggling for a few minutes, the kind of deep belly laughs that make you feel like everything in the world is funny and light. When we finally caught our breath, Eloise gave me a playful nudge. "So, what about you? Just a daughter, right?"

"Yep," I said confidently, already imagining it. "Just one. A daughter. Don't care about the name too much yet, but I know I just want one. I think I'd be happy with that. Maybe she'll have a little dog instead of a sibling."

Eloise snorted. "You say that now, but just wait. You'll probably end up with like, three."

"Please, no," I groaned, grinning. "One will be enough chaos for me."

We fell back into a comfortable silence for a moment, staring up at the ceiling, but then Eloise turned to me with a serious expression on her face. "You know we're going to be each other's kids' aunts, right?"

I smiled. We'd talked about this before, but it never got old. "Of course. The cool aunts. The ones who take them on adventures and spoil them rotten."

"And godmothers," Eloise added, her voice full of certainty. "We'll be their godmothers. Always there for each other's kids, no matter what."

"Iconic," I grinned, picturing it. "Our future is set. The kids will have the coolest aunts and the most over-the-top godmothers. We'll have the sleepovers, take them on little trips, let them stay up late."

"And if any of them are little hell-raisers, we'll send them back to their mothers," Eloise said with a smirk, making us both laugh again.

I could imagine it so clearly—the future we'd mapped out, even if it was years away. Us, still close, raising our families side by side. It didn't matter what life threw at us; we'd always have each other. Our kids would grow up together, and we'd be there for each milestone, each birthday, each scraped knee.

"We've got this whole plan," Eloise said after a moment, smiling softly. "We're gonna be those aunts—the ones our kids will talk about for years."

I nodded, feeling warm at the thought. "Yeah. They're going to have us, and we're going to have them—and each other."

"Forever," Eloise said firmly, her eyes shining.

"Forever," I echoed, knowing that no matter how much life changed, some things never would.

We lay there, the night settling in around us, and the air in Eloise's room felt heavy with warmth and possibility. Yet beneath that comfort, there was something else. Something I couldn't quite put my finger on, like the edge of a shadow I wasn't ready to acknowledge.

"Roman, Kayleigh and your daughter," Eloise said again, her voice a little quieter now. "They're going to be so close, you know. Your daughter and my kids. They'll grow up together, practically like siblings."

I smiled, but my heart was heavy, like something was pulling at me. "Yeah, just like us," I replied, though my voice didn't have the same lightness it had a few minutes ago.

She turned her head to look at me, her eyes sparkling like they always did when she was excited about something. "Promise me that no matter what happens, we'll always make time for each other, Blair. Even when we've got work and kids and life gets crazy. I don't care how busy we are—we've got to stick together."

"I promise," I said, without hesitation. "Always."

But even as the words left my mouth, I felt that same unease. Eloise was right—life was unpredictable. And she lived it like nothing could touch her, like she was invincible. It was one of the things I loved most about her, but also one of the things that scared me.

"I'm going to be the kind of mam who takes her kids everywhere," Eloise said, staring at the ceiling. "I'll teach them to swim, we'll go on road trips, and I'll make sure they know the world is theirs to explore."

I could picture it—Eloise with her kids in the backseat of her car, the windows down, music blasting. She'd never slow down for anyone, especially not for life's warnings. But the image felt fragile, like it could shatter at any moment.

"Maybe slow down sometimes, though," I said, trying to sound playful but knowing I was half-serious. "You don't have to do everything at full speed."

Eloise rolled her eyes, laughing softly. "Oh, Blair, don't start. I've got it all under control. Besides, life's too short to take it slow."

Her words echoed in my mind, lingering longer than they should have. Life's too short. Something inside me twisted, that small knot of fear tightening. I tried to shake it off, but it clung to me, a cold whisper in the back of my thoughts.

"Yeah, but you're not invincible, you know," I said, my voice softer than I intended. "Just... be careful, okay?"

She grinned, flashing me that same carefree smile. "Careful? Me? When have I ever been careful?"

I tried to laugh, but it came out more like a sigh. "Exactly. Just don't be reckless, Eloise. Promise me."

For a split second, I saw something flicker in her eyes, like she knew what I was really saying. But just as quickly, it was gone, replaced by that familiar mischievous glint. "I promise not to crash into anything, if that's what you're worried about," she joked.

I swallowed, my heart tightening, because that was exactly what I was worried about.

"I mean it," I said, my voice firmer this time. "Don't take unnecessary risks."

Eloise reached out and squeezed my hand, her smile softening. "I won't, Blair. I know I can be reckless, but I'll be smart when it matters. Especially for you. We've got too much to look forward to."

I held her gaze for a moment, wanting to believe her. Wanting to trust that nothing bad could ever happen, that we would grow old together, raise our kids like we'd planned, and laugh about these silly conversations when we were both grey-haired and wrinkled.

But deep down, there was a small part of me that couldn't shake the feeling that life doesn't always follow the script. That no matter how much we planned, some things were out of our control.

I forced a smile, pushing the fear away. "Good. Because I can't lose you, Eloise."

"You won't," she said softly. "I'm always going to be here. Forever, remember?"

"Forever," I echoed, holding onto that word like a lifeline.

But even as I said it, I couldn't ignore the icy chill creeping up my spine, the feeling that the future wasn't as certain as we liked to believe. The feeling that someday soon, forever might not last as long as we thought.