FINDING 12 | BOYS OF TOMMEN

'You're a fucking coward!'

July 26th 2003

"I saw you kiss her!" My voice cracked as I screamed from the landing, my heart pounding in my ears. Connor stormed up the stairs two at a time, his face twisted with anger, but I didn't care. My world was crumbling, and he was at the center of it.

"I didn't! She leaned in and kissed me!" he shouted back, his voice rough, his chest rising and falling like he was ready for a fight.

"Do you think I'm stupid, Connor? I've seen the pictures!" I waved my phone in the air like it was a weapon. The image was seared into my mind—Podge had sent it to me last night: Connor, wrapped around Danielle Long from his year, their lips locked in a pub filled with people. "You were with her. You were kissing her!"

His face darkened. "That's not how it happened. She leaned in! I pushed her away. It was nothing—"

"Bullshit!" I screamed, cutting him off, my voice breaking. My entire body was shaking, my nails digging into my palms so hard I thought I'd draw blood. "You expect me to believe that after everything? After you ignored me all night?! What kind of idiot do you think I am?!"

He stepped closer, his voice rising with mine, eyes wild. "I told you, my mother needed me! I didn't answer because I was with her!"

"And then you had time to kiss Danielle?!" My throat was tight, my eyes stinging with tears I refused to let fall. I hated this—how much power he had over me, how much it hurt. "Why didn't you just text me back? Why didn't you even try to explain?! You let me sit there all night wondering what the hell was going on!"

He threw his hands in the air, exasperated. "I'm telling you now, aren't I? I didn't do anything wrong! She kissed me, I pushed her away—what more do you want me to say?!"

"I want you to stop lying to me!" I shoved his chest with both hands, my rage boiling over. "I want you to admit you're a fucking cheat!"

His eyes blazed, and before I knew it, his face was inches from mine, his breath hot against my skin. "Who sent you the picture, huh?" he snarled. "Podge? That idiot doesn't know shit. He's always stirring the pot—don't you see that?"

"Don't you dare try to blame this on him! I saw you, Connor! I saw you with her!" My voice cracked, and I felt the tears start to slip free, hot and humiliating. "You know what it looked like. How could you do this to me?"

His expression flickered, but only for a moment before he stepped even closer, so close I could feel his chest brushing mine. "You're blowing this out of proportion! It was one second—one kiss that I didn't even want-and you're losing your mind over it!"

I shoved him again, harder this time, frustration and pain making my limbs feel like they were on fire. "Stop lying! Just tell me the truth!"

His jaw tightened, fists clenching at his sides. "What do you want me to say, huh? That I'm sorry? That I kissed her and meant it? You're just going to twist whatever I say anyway!"

"Because you're full of shit!" I screamed, my voice hoarse. "You've been lying to me this whole time!"

In a flash, his face contorted with rage. "You know what? Maybe I should've kissed her!" he spat, his voice low and venomous. "Maybe I should've gone home with her instead of dealing with all your drama!"

The words hit me like a punch to the gut, stealing the breath from my lungs. I took a step back, my vision blurring with tears. "You don't mean that..."

"Don't I?" His lips curled in a sneer, his eyes hard. "You're always on my case, always assuming the worst—"

"Because you give me reasons to!" I shot back, my voice shaking. "You're not the same, Connor. I don't even know who you are anymore!"

He stepped toward me again, his body tense, towering over me. "You don't know me? You don't know anything."

I was too angry to feel afraid. "I know enough! I know you're a liar! I know you're a fucking coward!" The words tumbled out before I could stop them, driven by the hurt, by the betrayal that threatened to swallow me whole.

Something in his eyes snapped. "Don't you dare call me that."

He reached for me, grabbing my arm, hard enough that it hurt. I yanked back, but he didn't let go. "Let go of me, Connor!"

"Or what?" he hissed, leaning in closer, his grip tightening. My heart pounded in my chest, panic mixing with the fury in my veins.

"Let go of me!" I screamed, shoving at him, trying to break free. I felt the edge of the stairs beneath my foot, the drop behind me.

He pushed me—maybe it was out of instinct, maybe out of anger. His hand left my arm, shoving me hard in the chest. Time seemed to slow as my body tipped backward, my foot slipping off the top step. I saw his eyes widen in shock, his mouth open like he was going to say something, but it was too late.

I was falling. The stairs hit me over and over, hard, merciless, each impact sending shockwaves of pain through me. My head hit the banister with a sickening crack, and everything went dark.

The last thing I heard was Connor's voice, shouting my name, but it was distant, fading. And then—nothing.