The Unwritten Sin

Chapter 40

"James, how in the world are you.....the way that you are now? Never have I seen you falter. You give me your rosary, you ask me to pray with you, you ask if you can pray for me....you read the holy Book constantly. You go to prayer circles. You write sermons, you preach, you listen to confession....how in the world can all of those things be true if you haven't ever....felt your faith was validated?"

"Because, I had gotten my prayers answered. When you and I were living in the underground....Ness, and I....were living in the underground, we were running through Phase City with Adonis and a few others....starving, stealing to stay alive, and I cried myself to sleep each night, tending to the sores on your body from where we had sustained wounds from the police." 

Wilder heard a vibration in between his ears as James was speaking. He saw, for a moment, what James was talking about. He saw James, looking more youthful, with dirty fingernails and stubble on his face. They were in a dark room, lit with red lights, and as he could feel the pain in his chest, he blinked, and the vision was gone.

James was crying, bent over, forehead on Wilder's knees. "James," he said, "I'm starting to remember. You don't need to correct yourself anymore. It doesn't hurt that you remember Ness. We...we were different. We got separated, but I....I remember. I remember you. Your face was so young then." He stroked the back of James' clipped hair. "It's okay. I found you."

James bit his lip, nodding hard. "You found me," he said. "That, Wilder, is why I believe in god. After you died, I prayed. I screamed. I prayed and I screamed and I cursed at god for taking away the one person I loved so dearly. The last time the city was under attack, the news and the Ministry and everyone said it was a miscommunication between us and Damon, who had had an argument over a shipment of something. It devastated the city. The Machine was saved, and the Great Hall was more or less not damaged. But the city was taking away any new bodies and putting them in foster homes to grow. I know that we come out of the Machine at a very healthy twenty something year old adult. But we know next to nothing unless our friends and family are there to help us back into the world and trigger those memories." He gestured figuratively. "In example."

"There's thousands of people in this city. Yet, we only see the poor people. The ones in the streets, living like we used to live, down in the underground. They barely even come up for air most of the time. Today has been the first time I have seen the body of an upperclassman, to be honest. I saw them today, littered around the base of the bank building, which had Damon's mark all over it. Tell me, James. Was that building constructed after the last attack?"

"Yes," James daintily wiped his nose with a lace handkerchief. "They all were. It's like it was today, running over here. Except last time, the buildings were more or less rubble. They came down like a house of cards. People were less concerned, though, because they were broadcasting the news from foreign leaders on every billboard in the city. After the last attack, the billboards were something that didn't go back up. I assumed it was that the Ministry cut it's funding."

"That makes no sense. So, throughout the horror of the Dark Ages, people were glued to their phones, watching the news, getting all of this instant info, and being brainwashed into thinking a certain way; and yet, when we come into the present, there is some catastrophe that wipes down all of the media? Isn't that a coincidence?"

"Unless they were doing something wrong last time," James said thoughtfully, moving to sit on the bed at Wilder's side. "If they were doing something wrong that the Damon did not like, and we were punished for it. But my guess is this...there is a bigger plot. A bigger plot than we understand. The information will not be kept in the Ministry, or even the Great Hall. All records were destroyed, as far as I know."

"What about other cities? We could steal a ship and head out somewhere else?"

"Phase City is on a peninsula. Not to mention that we don't even have a map of the rest of the world. Do you know that I have no idea where we were shipped to on Tour? We got on a plane with blackout windows, and were flown some fourteen hours away. Once I stepped off of the plane, I was in a jungle and I didn't know what to do with myself.

"Yes, it was the same for me. But I don't get how everything could have been destroyed. Was the propaganda they were broadcasting talking about how other cities were also being targeted, or was it just us?"

"Since we are the capital of the known world, it was really only about us," James said. "There are other smaller branches of the ministry, but we are the only city that has a Machine, much less a real convent. That's why so many of us choose to move away, to spread the word of god, or what we think is the word of god." He scoffed. "I am so...disillusioned, I am beside myself."

"Listen. I want to tell you something." He turned James towards him, and held him by the upper arms. "I think that no matter what they tell us, no matter the creation story, and no matter that we are in some kind of galactic war, if you believe there is someone who answers your prayers, then it's true. I trust you. Your instincts. And, I never thought I would say this, but I respect and honor the faith that you put in something more than yourself. If that's god, or not. I respect you, James." He turned away. "I never enjoyed coming to the Ministry, though I knew the gospel by heart. I knew the stories by heart, but coming was empty and shallow for me. Each time you ask me to pray for you, I do it, because it's you, but I do not have the faith you do. I don't have the trust that another being has any sway over us."

James put a finger on his lips. "Shhh, Wilder. Don't ruin it."

Wilder grabbed his wrist, "What I mean to say," he said, "is that I am proud of you. I am proud of the way that you're convicted to Abel's way, even if that has been taken advantage of, bastardized, and made into a mockery, a playing piece for the Ministry to act as the all overseeing government."

James looked as if he were about to cry again. He opened his mouth to speak, but Wilder shushed him. "Just enjoy the moment," he said, "put your faith in yourself, James, even if you don't hear god."

James kissed him hard, and they fell back onto the bed. "I'm tired," he said after a moment. "It is almost dawn, and no doubt they will be shooting at each other as soon as day breaks. Let's get some sleep. Tomorrow, we can go to your apartment if you like. I can even show you where we used to stay in the underground if you want to."

"That would be nice," Wilder said. "I wonder if Bee ever came back. She was dead in the apartment when we all left. She might have some insight for us."

They lay in silence in the darkness for a moment, and then Wilder said, "I wonder if October is back."

"Oh, yeah, that," James said dryly. "I mean, the Machine works without recompense, but to be honest I hope I don't have to see them again. Little viper."