"If one day something happens to me, I want you to take care of my brother."
Kim and Porsche are best friends, but then, one day one of their SWAT missions goes wrong and Porsche dies. No one blames Kim more for what happened than Kim blames himself...
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Captain Gin approached Kim after he was sure that the conversation between him and Chay was over. He put his hand on Kim's shoulder, "don't take it personally, Kimhan. He just saw what's left of his brother. No one would take something like that lightly."
Kim turned around, his head snapping towards his captain, "why did you let him see it? Who in their right mind would let him see Porsche like that?!" Kim's voice was so high, he was almost screaming.
"I know what happened is life-altering, Kimhan, but don't forget who you are talking to! You don't get to raise your voice at me. If you are well enough to leave the hospital, then go and take some time for yourself. Porsche's funeral will be in three days. The military will take care of everything, and I will talk about the details with Porchay. Besides that, I'm giving you an extended leave. For now, it's a month. If you need more than that we can talk about it later. There's no way I'm letting you back into SWAT like that."
A sense of dread enveloped Kim's heart and squeezed it harder and harder until Kim thought that if fire didn't kill him, that heart attack would. Extended leave from work? No, he didn't want that. He needed to have something that was still normal in his life. Something that didn't change... even though the SWAT for Kim had changed beyond repair. But at least he still would wake up, go to work, do his job... alone because he didn't want to imagine anyone else by his side while he would do the job that used to be his and Porsche's. He couldn't just suddenly stay at home all the time. He didn't know what he would do. He didn't want to think about the things he would do.
Kim shook his head. His hand was shaking a little when he ran his fingers through his hair, "I can't stay at home, captain. I'm good to work. I'm fine."
"People who aren't fine say they are fine, Kimhan. Besides, that's the protocol—I can't let you back to work sooner than a month after such a tragedy you were the direct witness to, and on top of that, Porsche was your best friend. I'm sorry, Kimhan, but you are staying at home whether you like it or not."
Is... Kim wanted to say... Porsche is his best friend. It didn't matter that he was dead now. Things like this didn't change. Never. But he swallowed his words instead and decided to try to convince his captain again. Just one more try.
"Captain... are you sure there's no other way? I'm..." Kim sighed, "I might go crazy at home. I—"
"That was my last word, Kimhan. I won't be changing my mind," Captain Gin said sternly and left Kim alone just like Chay did before. And Porsche before him. Everyone was leaving Kim alone. And maybe they were right. Maybe Kim didn't deserve to have someone close. Someone with whom he could share his pain and sorrow. His hatred for himself... He should have done something. Should have looked for Porsche better. Should have been in Porsche's place. Should have stopped Porsche from entering that house. Should have checked for those bombs himself. Should have, should have, should have...
But he didn't.
And now he was standing there alive wishing to be the one dead, while his best friend was dead and could not even wish to be alive.
