"If one day something happens to me, I want you to take care of my brother."
Kim and Porsche are best friends, but then, one day one of their SWAT missions goes wrong and Porsche dies. No one blames Kim more for what happened than Kim blames himself...
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It was only after the sun started penetrating the curtains of the house that Chay pushed himself up on his feet and went upstairs to take a shower. Yesterday, he wasn't able to think about anything besides his brother and the rage he felt towards Kim. But this morning, things were getting clearer for Chay. There was this whole funeral thing. Chay had to take care of that. But what was he supposed to do? Who should he call? How much was it going to cost? How much money did he even have?
He never thought that he would have to think about any funeral any time soon, but here he was, and he was entirely lost. He didn't know that what was falling down his cheeks was water from the shower or his tears. He wasn't even sure if he could cry anymore. He cried so much after Kim left that it almost felt like he had no tears left to cry. He wanted to persuade himself that he had no more tears left to cry because that way he could pretend to be strong, he could focus all his strength on the rage he felt towards Kim.
Chay had spent years loving Kim in silence. He looked up to him. He made himself believe that even if Kim would never see him as something more than just his best friend's little brother, that the love was worth it. He was happy just to see Kim every day. Just to be friends.
How could he be so stupid?! Chay screamed, his fist hitting the bathroom tiles. Sheerwater mixing with red blood dripping from his knuckles.
He didn't clean the wound. It still bled a little when he got to his room and pulled out an old box from under his bed. No one knew about that box. Not even Porsche. It was Chay's safe space. Space where he kept everything about Kim. There were Polaroid photos of them together, of Kim alone, the movie ticket when Kim took Chay to see a movie that frankly, Chay didn't even remember much because the whole time he was too focused on the fact that Kim took him to see a movie—as friends, of course, as friends. Next to all those polaroids, there was a wrapper paper from one of the birthday presents Kim gave Chay on his twentieth birthday. There was also a ring that Kim had forgotten one day at the house, and Chay was shameless enough to keep it instead of giving it back. And there was more, so much more. And Chay? Chay now hated every single thing in there!
He gave so much of himself to a man who took everything from him.
He stood up, walked out of his room just to get into Porsche's, and started rummaging through Porsche's stuff carelessly. It wasn't like Porsche was going to need any of those things ever again. But Porchay did. He needed it. He needed that stupid lighter so that he could burn every piece of the love he ever felt for Kim. He had to burn it all. He couldn't look at those things again. Kim wasn't worth of having a place in Chay's heart, in Chay's life... Not anymore. Now that space was filled with nothing but pure rage.
With his hands shaking and his heart almost choking him in his throat, Chay finally found the lighter he was looking for. It had a phoenix engraved on it. It used to be Porsche's favourite. Chay had decided to purposefully ignore the fact that even that stupid lighter was a present from Kim. It almost felt that even the air Chay was breathing was a present from Kim somehow. And in a way, no matter how much Chay hated it now, it was...
