𝐖𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐀𝐑𝐄 𝐖𝐄? // 𝐉𝐀𝐊𝐄𝐇𝐎𝐎𝐍

𝟎𝟏𝟎

The next morning, Jake forced himself out of bed, his body heavy and reluctant to move. As he trudged to the bathroom, he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror, and a wave of disappointment washed over him. His eyes were puffy and bloodshot, dark circles forming under them like bruises. The reflection staring back at him looked exhausted, a far cry from the vibrant person he used to be.

He splashed cold water on his face, hoping to wash away the remnants of his emotional turmoil. "You can do this," he murmured to himself, trying to convince his reflection that everything was okay, even though he felt like he was crumbling inside. The words felt hollow, echoing back at him with an empty resonance.

With a deep breath, he straightened his back and stepped out into the chaotic energy of campus life. Students hurried past him, laughter and chatter filling the air. Jake plastered a smile on his face, but it didn't quite reach his eyes. He moved through the crowd like a ghost, unnoticed and unacknowledged, though inside, he felt like he was screaming.

"Hey, Jake!" called a voice, pulling him from his thoughts. It was Heeseung, his friend and confidant. "You okay? You look a little rough."

Jake's heart raced, the last thing he wanted was to show weakness. "Yeah, I'm fine!" he replied too quickly, forcing a chuckle that sounded strained. "Just a late night, you know how it is."

Heeseung studied him for a moment, concern etched on his face. "Are you sure? If you need to talk-"

"I said I'm fine!" Jake snapped, immediately regretting the sharpness in his tone. He forced his expression to soften, but the guilt gnawed at him. Heeseung opened his mouth to say something, but Jake cut him off. "I'll be okay. Really."

Heeseung nodded, but Jake could see the worry lingering in his eyes. "Alright, but if you change your mind, you know where to find me." With that, Heeseung walked away, leaving Jake feeling more isolated than ever.

Jake resumed his trek across campus, his mind racing with thoughts of Sunghoon. Every corner reminded him of their shared moments-how they used to stroll hand in hand, their laughter echoing through the halls. Now, it felt like he was moving through a world tinted by grief and loss.

As he made his way to class, the fatigue clawed at him, but he pressed on, desperately trying to maintain the façade of normalcy. He sat down in his lecture, but even as the professor's voice droned on, Jake found it difficult to concentrate. His mind kept drifting back to Sunghoon, the warmth of their shared memories a stark contrast to the icy grip of reality.

"Just keep it together," he muttered under his breath, but the words felt like a lie. The more he tried to focus, the more his thoughts spiraled. The stares from classmates felt heavy, and he could sense whispers that he couldn't quite decipher. Did they know he was struggling? Did they see through his mask of normalcy?

By the time the class ended, Jake was exhausted, and he didn't want to face the world outside. As he gathered his belongings, he felt the weight of everyone's eyes on him, an uncomfortable pressure that made him want to sink into the ground and disappear. He didn't want to see Sunghoon, didn't want to face the reality of their breakup.

Just as he was about to leave the lecture hall, he bumped into Sunoo and Ni-ki, their fingers intertwined, happiness radiating from them like a beacon. Jake managed a tight smile, the kind that didn't reach his eyes. "Hey, you two. What's up?"

"Hey, Jake!" Sunoo greeted cheerfully. "You coming to the café later? We're meeting up with the others."

"Uh, maybe," Jake replied, trying to sound nonchalant. The thought of being around everyone, including Sunghoon, made his stomach twist uncomfortably. "I'll let you know."

"Everything okay?" Ni-ki asked, tilting his head slightly, his expression softening with concern. "You look kind of out of it."

"I'm fine, seriously," Jake insisted, brushing off their concern. "Just tired, that's all." He laughed lightly, but it sounded forced. "You know how the midterms are."

Sunoo frowned, clearly unconvinced. "If you say so. But don't hesitate to reach out, alright? We're here for you."

"Thanks, but I really am okay," Jake repeated, even as his heart felt heavy. They exchanged glances, concern lingering in the air like a dark cloud, but he brushed past it, desperate to escape the vulnerability they were pressing him into.

As he walked away, he felt their eyes on him, but he kept his head high, determined to maintain the illusion of strength. The truth was far more complicated; he felt like a puppet, strings tangled, moving through the motions while inside he was falling apart.

By the time he reached his dorm room again, he could barely stand. He leaned against the door, closing his eyes for a moment. The chaos in his mind was relentless, memories of Sunghoon swirling around him like a storm. He hated feeling like this-so fragile, so lost.

He sank onto his bed, fatigue settling in, and the weight of the world crashing down around him. He didn't want to admit how deeply he was hurting, how much he missed the little things-the way Sunghoon would laugh at his terrible jokes, the comfort of his presence, the feeling of being loved so completely.

As he lay there, staring at the ceiling, the exhaustion washed over him like a tide, pulling him into a dark space where he could forget-if only for a moment. But with every heartbeat, the reality of Sunghoon's absence pressed down on him, an unyielding reminder that things would never be the same.

He closed his eyes, trying to block out the world, but the ache in his chest refused to dissipate. It was a constant, gnawing pain, a reminder of everything he had lost, and he felt utterly powerless against it.