𝐔𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐑 𝐇𝐄𝐑 𝐒𝐊𝐈𝐍

𝑬𝒑𝒊𝒔𝒐𝒅𝒆 11: "𝒃𝒂𝒄𝒌 𝒕𝒐 𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒍𝒊𝒕𝒚"

୨୧
France, Paris
ISP
B.G.C.
──── ୨୧ ────

The first day back to school after the term one exams should feel like a fresh start, but for me, it’s more like stepping into a storm I can’t escape. The chaos of my personal life has spun out of control during the break, and I feel like I’m holding onto a tightrope, teetering on the edge of everything I thought I knew.

I glance in the mirror, applying the last touches of makeup to hide the dark circles under my eyes—a reminder of sleepless nights filled with angry thoughts and turbulent emotions. It’s been a whirlwind since I caught Shawn in our bed with another woman. The sight of him, sprawled on our sheets, a look of surprise on his face as if he hadn’t expected me home so early, is something I can’t shake. The betrayal stings like a fresh wound, and every time I see him, that wound reopens. I’m still living with him, a decision driven more by practicality than any semblance of love.

To make matters worse, Blue is acting like a spoiled brat, strutting around with her new boyfriend as if the rest of the world doesn’t exist. I want to be happy for her; she deserves to experience love and joy, but with everything else happening in my life, it just feels like another layer of frustration. I’m also grappling with the news that my mother has a boyfriend after cheating on my father, only to find out later that my father has been unfaithful to her as well. It's an endless cycle of betrayal and heartbreak, one that has left me feeling hollow.

And then there’s Onika. The girl I can’t seem to shake from my mind, no matter how hard I try. I see her name pop up on my phone more often than not, the connection she has with Blue growing stronger each day. They’ve become friends, and I can’t help but feel a twinge of jealousy. It’s irrational, I know, but the thought of Onika laughing and hanging out with my daughter stirs up something ugly in me. To add salt to the wound, I recently learned that Onika has a new girlfriend—some girl named Robyn. It’s a punch to the gut, the realization that she’s moved on from me. I thought we had something real, something special, but apparently, I was all just a fleeting moment in time.

As I make my way to school, I can’t shake the anxiety that coils in my stomach. My heart races with the thought of facing everyone, especially Onika. I’m furious with her for seemingly forgetting about me, for moving on so easily. I want to scream and cry and lash out, but all I can do is breathe deeply, trying to regain my composure.

The hallways are buzzing with chatter, laughter, and the unmistakable sound of lockers slamming shut. It feels surreal, like I’ve been thrust back into a world that doesn’t acknowledge the turmoil churning within me. I walk past groups of students, their carefree energy clashing with the heaviness weighing down my heart. As I enter the teacher’s lounge, I force a smile, trying to put on a brave face for my colleagues. But as I take a seat, I feel exhaustion wash over me like a tidal wave.

“Hey, Beyoncé! You okay?” One of my fellow teachers, Lisa, asks, concern etched on her face.

I nod, forcing a smile that doesn’t quite reach my eyes. “Yeah, just a little tired. You know how it is.”

Lisa raises an eyebrow, clearly unconvinced, but I don’t want to delve into my problems. Not here, not now.

The conversation drifts around me, a mix of small talk and laughter, but I find it hard to engage. My mind wanders back to the chaos of my family life. I catch glimpses of my colleagues sharing jokes and stories, and I envy their ability to disconnect from the burdens that seem to suffocate me.

As the bell rings, signaling the start of the first period, I make my way to my classroom. My heart pounds in my chest as I push the door open, and I take a moment to collect myself before stepping inside.