Break Me

3

The moment I held the acceptance letter from the University of Connecticut, a wave of emotions crashed over me. I had been staring at the paper for what felt like hours, half-convinced it was some elaborate prank. But the words inside were real—bold, unyielding, shimmering with the promise of a brighter future.
"Congratulations! We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted into the University of Connecticut for the Fall Semester." Those words echoed in my mind, their weight heavy with possibility.
I sank onto my bed, clutching the letter to my chest, heart racing. For years, I had dreamed of escaping the hell that was my life, fantasizing about stepping into a world where I could redefine who I was. Now, that dream felt like it was just within my grasp.
Sunlight streamed through the window, casting a warm glow across my room, but even its brightness couldn't dispel the shadows lurking in the corners of my mind. My mother. The very thought of telling her about my acceptance felt like inviting chaos into my one moment of happiness. I could almost hear her response—her anger, and the inevitable fight that would follow.
I was determined not to let her ruin this moment for me. I threw on my worn-out white Converse and dashed down the street to my best friend Amy's house. Her small yellow ranch was a stark contrast to my own chaotic home. It was a sanctuary of warmth and laughter. We had been inseparable for as long as I could remember, especially after my father died.
"Amy!" I burst through the door, breathless with excitement. "You won't believe what I just got!"
She peeked out from her bedroom, eyebrows furrowing in confusion. "What?"
"I got accepted! To UConn!" I held out the letter as if it were the most precious treasure in the world.
Her eyes widened, and a bright smile broke across her face. "Oh my god, that's amazing!"
We erupted into laughter, a sound so pure that it temporarily drowned out the haunting memories of my home life. Amy rushed over and pulled me into a tight hug. For a brief moment, I felt invincible, buoyed by the strength of our friendship.
"This is HUGE!" she exclaimed, pulling back to look at me, eyes sparkling. "Have you told your mom?"
I hesitated, the weight of my secret pressing down on me. "No."
"What? Why not?" Her excitement faltered, concern creeping into her voice.
"Because she would never let me go," I replied, dread gnawing at my insides. "She'd freak out, and I can't deal with that right now."
Amy studied me for a moment, her expression shifting from excitement to worry. "That's risky, Ellie. What if she finds out? You can't keep this a secret forever."
"I know," I said, my voice barely above a whisper. "But I have to try. I can't stay here. I want to leave this place behind, to make something of myself. I need a life away from... all of this."
The determination in my voice must have resonated with her because, after a moment of hesitation, she nodded. "Okay. I'll help you however I can."
We devised a plan. Late at night, when my mother was passed out, I would gather my belongings and stash them at Amy's house until I was ready to leave for college. The thought of lying to her made my stomach churn, but I had no other choice. I couldn't let her drag me down any further than she already had.
Each night, I lay in bed with my cherished teddy bear, clutching it close as if it could absorb my fears. "This is going to work," I whispered to it. "I will get out of here. I won't let her destroy my life anymore."
With graduation day quickly approaching, my excitement was laced with anxiety. I often found myself staring into the mirror, practicing the speech I would give to my classmates. The ceremony would be my final chance to express everything I felt and had endured.
"Today marks the end of one chapter and the beginning of another," I rehearsed aloud, imagining the faces of my classmates, the shared laughter and memories we had built together.
Amy came over almost every day to help me pack. I felt a strange mix of gratitude and fear as we huddled in my dimly lit room, surrounded by the remnants of my life. Clothes, books, and memories lay scattered around us like fallen leaves.
"Okay, what do you want to take?" Amy asked, her voice steady and reassuring.
I glanced around the room, taking in everything I wanted to keep but also feeling the weight of what I was leaving behind. "Let's start with my clothes," I replied, trying to sound confident.
"And maybe a few important books."
We worked quickly and quietly, moving items from my closet into a duffel bag Amy had brought over with her. Every item felt heavy with significance, a reminder of the life I was desperate to escape. We chatted softly about our plans for the future, each conversation lightening the load in my chest, even if just a little.
"Do you want to take your teddy bear?" Amy asked, holding it up and giving it a gentle squeeze.
I hesitated, a wave of nostalgia washing over me. "Yes. I need it. He's been with me through everything."
"He'll be your good luck charm." She said, placing it carefully in the bag.
As we continued to pack up my meager belongings, I felt a mixture of excitement and dread. I was one step closer to freedom, but I also felt the weight of my mother's potential wrath looming over me. What if she found out? What if she heard us and came barging into my room?
"Do you think we have enough time?" Amy whispered, glancing at the clock.
"Yeah, we're fine," I assured her, my voice steady. "Just keep quiet. If she wakes up, we're screwed."
The adrenaline coursed through me, pushing me forward as we continued to fill the bag. I couldn't shake the feeling of unease, but Amy's presence kept me grounded. With each item we stashed away, I felt a little more empowered, a little closer to breaking free from the chains that had bound me for so long.
Finally, we stood back to survey our work. The duffel bag was packed to the brim, and I felt a swell of hope as I glanced at the familiar items. "We did it," I breathed, a mix of disbelief and gratitude flooding my heart.
Amy climbed out through my bedroom window with the duffel bag and made her way back home. I lay in my bed, a mixture of hope and fear was swirling through me. I was finally taking control of my life, but the path ahead was still uncertain. I needed to hold onto this moment, to remind myself of what I was fighting for.
The morning of graduation dawned, and I woke up feeling a strange mix of emotions. The sun streamed through my window, casting a golden glow that filled my room with warmth. As I got ready, I felt a sense of urgency swelling within me. I pulled on my cap and gown, the fabric heavy on my shoulders, and headed downstairs. My mother was already seated at the kitchen table, nursing a cup of coffee, remnants of last night's bottles scattered around her like fallen soldiers. I took a deep breath, steeling myself for the encounter.
"Where are you going?" she slurred, her eyes narrowing as she took a sip from her mug.
"I'm going to graduation, Mom. I'll be back later," I replied, striving for a neutral tone.
She scoffed, waving her hand dismissively. "You think you're so important, don't you? Just another cap and gown in a long line of losers."
I swallowed hard, biting back the anger bubbling inside me. "I worked really hard for this."
"Good for you," she muttered, rolling her eyes.
I grabbed my keys and stepped outside, the fresh air hitting me like a cool wave. As I drove to the ceremony, a sense of freedom washed over me. I was finally breaking away from the chains that had bound me for so long.
The graduation ceremony was a blur of familiar faces—some I knew well, others barely recognized. As I sat among my classmates, I couldn't help but feel a swell of nostalgia. These people had been my lifeline, sharing laughter and tears throughout our high school years. When it was my turn to take the stage, my heart raced. I could feel the weight of my past trying to hold me down, but I was determined to stand tall. I stepped forward, my mind swirling with thoughts as I gazed out at the sea of faces.
"Today marks the end of one chapter and the beginning of another," I began, my voice steady. "We've all faced our challenges, and we've learned to lean on each other through the tough times. I want to remind you that no matter where life takes us, we have the power to create our own futures."
The applause that erupted felt like a wave of encouragement, a reminder that I wasn't alone. I felt the warmth of friendship surrounding me, the bond we had formed through shared experiences. As I stepped off the stage, I caught a glimpse of Amy in the crowd, her eyes shining with pride. She rushed to me, enveloping me in a tight embrace. "You did it, Ellie! I'm so proud of you!"
"I couldn't have done it without you," I replied, my voice thick with emotion. "Thank you for believing in me."
As we left the ceremony behind, I knew that the journey ahead would still be filled with uncertainty. But with Amy by my side and my dreams within reach, I felt a renewed sense of hope. I was finally stepping into the light, ready to embrace whatever lay ahead.