Break Me

20

Six weeks had passed since that night at Ethan's party, and in many ways, I had done everything I could to move on. Finals were coming up, and I was focused on making it through the end of my third semester. I spent most of my time with my head buried in textbooks, prepping for exams, or at the library with Amy, cramming for what felt like endless tests.
Ethan and I had settled back into an easy friendship, but things felt different now—there was a cautiousness between us, an unspoken tension that we both avoided addressing. I had convinced myself that the awkwardness would fade eventually, and that time would heal whatever complications we had unintentionally created that night. I was focused on my studies, determined to keep moving forward, and everything else felt secondary.
Then the nausea started.
At first, I chalked it up to stress. Finals were coming up, I wasn't sleeping much, and I was surviving off of caffeine and junk food. It made sense that my body would rebel a little, but as the days went on, the nausea got worse. It was in the morning, then in the afternoon, and then at night. Eating became a challenge, and I couldn't keep anything down. Amy noticed, of course, but I waved her off, telling her it was just the pressure of school.
When I missed my period, the cold, hard reality sank in, and a gnawing panic took hold of me. For days, I tried to ignore it. I thought maybe it was just late. My cycle wasn't always perfectly regular, and with all the stress I was under, it could easily have been thrown off. When another week went by, I couldn't deny the truth anymore. There was a small voice in the back of my head screaming at me to face it, but I wasn't ready. I didn't want to believe it.
After another bout of nausea and vomiting I found myself standing in the bathroom, staring at the pregnancy test in my shaking hands. I had bought it the night before, not even sure if I would actually go through with it, but now, with the bright lights of the bathroom overhead, I couldn't avoid the truth any longer.
The test turned positive almost immediately.
I stared at it in disbelief, the two pink lines burning into my vision as my heart raced. I felt like I couldn't breathe. This couldn't be happening. It wasn't real. It couldn't be. But no matter how much I willed the test to be wrong, it wasn't.
I was pregnant.
"Ellie, are you okay?" Amy's voice broke through my daze, and I snapped out of my thoughts, blinking as she looked at me from across the kitchen table. I had been quiet for too long, staring blankly at the coffee cup in front of me, my hands trembling slightly. She could always tell when something was wrong.
"I... I need to tell you something," I said, my voice barely above a whisper. My throat was tight, and I could feel the panic rising in my chest again.
Amy's expression shifted immediately from concern to alarm. She set down her textbook and leaned closer, her eyes narrowing in worry. "What is it, Ellie? You're scaring me."
I swallowed hard, trying to find the words. How was I supposed to say this out loud? It still didn't feel real. I hadn't said it to anyone yet, not even to myself. But now, with Amy sitting across from me, the weight of it all came crashing down.
"I'm pregnant," I finally managed to say, my voice breaking as the words tumbled out. I couldn't hold back the flood of emotions any longer, and tears welled up in my eyes.
Amy's eyes widened, her hand flying to her mouth in shock. "Oh my God, Ellie. Are you sure?"
I nodded, wiping away a tear that had escaped down my cheek. "I took a test this morning."
For a moment, there was only silence as Amy absorbed what I had just said. Then she leaned forward, grabbing my hand tightly. "Ellie... how did this happen?"
I let out a shaky breath. "It has to be from that night at Ethan's party. I don't remember much, but I woke up in his bed the next morning."
Amy's expression shifted from concern to something darker—anger. Her grip tightened on my hand, and her voice dropped. "You think it's Ethan's baby?"
"It has to be," I whispered, my voice trembling.
Amy's face hardened, and I could see the fury building in her eyes. "Ellie, what if... what if Ethan drugged you? What if he did something to you that night and you just don't remember? I mean, if you blacked out, anything could have happened."
Her words hit me like a punch to the gut, and I recoiled at the suggestion. "No," I said quickly, shaking my head. "No, Ethan wouldn't do that. He's not like that."
"But how can you be sure?" Amy pressed, her voice rising in anger. "You don't remember, Ellie. He could have taken advantage of you, and now you're pregnant because of him. You can't just brush that off!"
I felt like I was spiraling, my mind racing with the possibilities Amy had thrown at me. Could Ethan have lied to me? Could something have happened that I wasn't aware of? The thought made me sick to my stomach, but deep down, I still didn't believe it. Ethan wasn't that kind of person. He wouldn't have done something like that. But the doubt had been planted, and now it was growing, twisting in my gut.
"I don't know, Amy," I said, my voice weak. "I just don't know what to think anymore."
Amy stood up, pacing the small kitchen, her anger palpable. "We need to talk to Daniel about this. He'll know what to do. He's going to be pissed when he finds out though."
I flinched at the thought of Daniel finding out. He was always protective of me, like an older brother, and I knew he wouldn't take this lightly. Part of me was terrified of how he would react, especially if Amy told him about her suspicions regarding Ethan.
"Do we have to tell him?" I asked quietly, already knowing the answer.
Amy stopped pacing and turned to face me, her eyes blazing. "Ellie, you can't keep this a secret. This is serious."
I nodded, feeling defeated. "Okay."
Daniel's reaction was exactly what I had feared.
When Amy and I sat him down and told him the news, his face went pale, and for a moment, he just stared at me in stunned silence. Then, as Amy shared her suspicions about what might have happened that night with Ethan, his shock turned to rage.
"Are you telling me this guy could've drugged her?" Daniel demanded, his voice sharp and angry. "And now she's pregnant with his kid?"
"I don't know for sure," I said quickly, trying to calm him down. "I don't think that's what happened. I don't remember anything, but I don't believe Ethan would do something like that."
"You don't remember, Ellie," Daniel said, his voice full of frustration. "That's the whole problem. You don't know what happened, and you're sitting here defending him? This guy could have taken advantage of you, and now you're stuck with his baby."
"I'm not stuck," I said, my voice rising defensively. "And I don't want to think the worst of Ethan. He's been good to me."
Daniel shook his head, pacing angrily across the living room. "I don't care how 'good' he's been. If he did something to you, I'll make sure he regrets it."
"Daniel, please," Amy said, stepping in to try and calm him down. "Let's just take things one step at a time. Ellie needs our support right now, and we don't even know for sure what happened that night. We'll figure it out."
Daniel shot me a furious glance, then stormed out of the apartment without another word, slamming the door behind him. I jumped at the sound, my heart pounding in my chest. This was all turning into a nightmare, and I had no idea how to fix it.
Telling Ethan was the next impossible task I had to face. I wasn't even sure how to begin the conversation, but I knew I couldn't put it off any longer. I texted him, asking if we could meet up, and he agreed to come by later that afternoon.
When he arrived, I could already feel the tension in the air. He must have sensed that something was off, because the moment he sat down across from me, his expression grew serious.
"What's going on, Ellie?" he asked gently, his eyes searching mine.
I took a deep breath, my hands trembling as I clenched them together in my lap. "Ethan, there's something I need to tell you. It's... it's about that night. At your party."
Ethan's face tightened with concern. "What about it?"
"I'm pregnant," I blurted out, unable to hold the words back any longer. My heart pounded as I watched his reaction, waiting for the shock, the confusion, the inevitable questions.
Ethan's eyes widened in surprise, and for a moment, he just stared at me in stunned silence. Then, slowly, he exhaled, running a hand through his hair. "You're sure?"
I nodded. "I took a test. I'm sure."
He didn't say anything for a long time, his mind clearly racing as he processed the news. Finally, he looked up at me, his expression softening. "Ellie... if it's mine, then I want to do the right thing. I'll take care of you and the baby. We can figure this out."
I felt a wave of guilt wash over me. Ethan's response was everything I should have wanted—he was offering to be there for me, to take responsibility, to help. But all I could think about was how I didn't love him. I didn't want to be tied to him like this, not when my heart still belonged to someone else.
"I don't want you to feel like you have to do that," I said quietly. "I'm not asking for anything from you. I can handle this on my own."
Ethan shook his head firmly. "No. I'm not going to let you do this alone. I care about you, Ellie. I know things between us have been complicated, but I'm not going to walk away from this. I'll be there for you and for the baby, no matter what."
Then, to my shock, he reached across the table and took my hand in his. His grip was warm, comforting, but I felt trapped by the gesture.
"Ellie," he said softly, his voice steady. "Marry me."
I blinked, my heart skipping a beat as I stared at him in disbelief. "What?"
"Marry me," he repeated, his eyes full of sincerity. "I'm joining the Army after graduation. I'll have a stable income, health benefits—everything we need to make sure that you and the baby are taken care of. We could make this work."
The room seemed to spin around me as his words sank in. Ethan was offering me a life, a way out of the uncertainty I was facing. But it wasn't what I wanted. I didn't love him, and I couldn't imagine a future where I pretended that I did, even for the sake of the baby. But what other choice did I have? He was offering me stability, something I hadn't had in a long time.
"I... I don't know, Ethan," I stammered, my voice barely audible.
"I'm not asking you to decide right now," he said gently. "Just think about it. I'll be here, whatever you decide."
He squeezed my hand once more before standing up and heading for the door, leaving me alone with my thoughts. As the door clicked shut behind him, I felt like the walls were closing in on me.
I didn't want to marry Ethan. But I was pregnant with his child, and I had no idea what the right thing to do was anymore.